When fallen Angels fly
by MoLoveAnime
Summary: After Arthur's death Alfred sees no point in staying alive. That is until he finds a special Angel.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

"Do you believe in Angels?" he asked while staring out of the window.  
>I paused the shooting game, took my earphones out and looked up from the screen.<br>"I'm sorry, what did you say again?" I asked.  
>His green eyes slowly turned to me, kept staring in mine for a while and looked then out of the window again.<br>"Nothing," he said.  
>"Don't lie! What did you ask?" I hissed.<br>"It's not like I don't know the answer anyway. Forget about it" Arthur said while rolling his eyes.  
>"You're so mean. Making me pause my game and everything for nothing," I mumbled.<br>On the moment I wanted to start the game again he grabbed my shoulder.  
>"I will ask you again if you will answer it seriously. Only then," he said with a dead serious look in his eyes.<br>A bit surprised of Arthur being so serious so sudden, I could only nod. He took that for an answer.  
>"I asked if you believe in Angels," he said, still with the same expression on his face.<br>First I wanted to laugh out loud and make him out for a fool, but I couldn't because of his deep green eyes that looked serious and sad at the same time.  
>"Uh... no, not really," was the only thing I could say.<br>He let go of my shoulder and started looking out of the window again.  
>"As I thought," he whispered. He took a large breath and blew it all out of the window glass. The window covered immediately. With his finger he drew a little heart on the glass. With a slight blush on my cheeks I started gaming again but for some reason playing it didn't feel as fun.<br>We both stayed silent while time passed by. I knew Arthur wasn't mad at me for not believing in Angels, but for some reason I felt like he was disappointed in me. When I had lost the game for the fifth time (which never had happened to me before), I put everything out and rose from the floor. Arthur was still looking out of the window with a sad expression in his eyes.  
>"You know," I tried to start a conversation again.<br>"I may not believe in Angels..."  
>His green eyes stared again into mine and were waiting for what would come.<br>"But I do believe in you," I said.  
>First I thought I had said something really stupid, but I realized I didn't when Arthur slowly begun to smile.<br>"I believe in you too, Alfred."


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

_I never told you._  
>The gravel under my feet crisps a bit by every step I take. I'm not the only one on the gravel path. A young looking girl is crying out loud when I quickly pass her by. Normally I would have stopped to comfort her... but times have changed. Fortunately an older lady comes at her and tries to comfort her. Unfortunately the girl starts crying out even louder because of something the older lady said. I try to ignore them both even though it's hard to act like you don't see nor hear them in this situation. I feel a bit bad for ignoring them, but I don't feel like helping them out either. So I just keep on walking on the gravel path.<br>I remember when I got _the call_, and how I dropped my iPhone on the floor after hearing the _big news_. On that day and the day after that I could only cry. But I won't be crying now, I have no tears left.  
>And here he is. I stop walking and look down on the grave. I carefully take a step forward so I can reach the white marble looking gravestone. With the tips of my fingers I touch it. The stone is really cold, I can feel how my fingers start tingling. I stop touching the stone with my fingertips and touch my cheek with them instead. It feels cold, like a kiss of frozen lips.<br>After standing like this for a while I take a step backwards so I have a better view of the grave.  
>"You have a beautiful grave, you know that?" I whisper to the wind.<br>I've never seen this much beautiful flowers on one place before. They all have different colors and there are a lot of different species too. I remember putting down almost half of them on the funeral.  
>I read the text on the gravestone. It shocks me how painful it is to read your name on it. I also read the dates of birthday and anniversary. You were just 23, way too young to be dead. Way too young to be murdered. I ball my fists to hold in the strong emotions that are coming up. Sadness, loneliness and also so much hate for the person who killed you. As far as the police had told me, they had found you in an old empty apartment. Some neighbors had complained about the loud and weird sounds that came out of the building that night, so when the day dawned the police came to check it out. That's when they found you in the shower. Your chest was bleeding and your arms and legs were in positions they could never be. I can imagine how the shower would be still on, letting glittering water drops down on you naked dead body. Even though the police knows that I'm not the murderer they will not trust me nor give me more information until the real murder is found.<br>How many days are you dead now? I look to the anniversary date and count on my fingers. Today it's your 8th day being dead. How is it possible that a week past without me noticing it. For me it feels like I got the police call only a few minutes ago, but I know that is not true.  
>"Well, it was nice to see you again" I say to the grave.<br>I try to smile but my sad looking expression doesn't change at all.  
>"See you tomorrow Arthur."<br>For a few seconds I keep staying there, hoping for an answer or a sign or anything that makes me feel Arthur just heard what I said. But as expected nothing happens and I leave his grave silently.  
><em>I never told you, how much I love you.<em>

"Alfred!"  
>I'm shocked because of the sudden embrace from Matthew.<br>"Yo! Take it easy bro. You almost gave me a heart attack," I say while trying to get him off from me. I'm not really a person that likes to be hugged like that.  
>"But, I was really worried when I arrived home and you weren't there" he says while some tears are dripping off his face<br>"I thought... I thought you also had been killed," he says now really crying out loud.  
>I stop struggling and let him cry out on my chest.<br>"I'm sorry. I was just... visiting Arthur," I say with a voice so full of pain that Matthew stops crying immediately.  
>"Are you OK brother?" he asks.<br>Again I try to smile but it's still not working.  
>"I can take care of myself, OK?"<br>Matthew understand me and let me go.  
>"OK brother, but could you next time please leave a note with were you are going?"<br>Matthew actually isn't my real brother but because we almost have been whole our lives together we always call each other that. It's funny that even though we are no real family, people always confound Matthew for me. I must admit we do look a bit like each other, but only from the outside, inside we are really different. We've shared this apartment for 3 years now. I always get weird reactions if I tell people that, but really we aren't a couple. I have seen Matthew always as my brother and I always will.  
>"I will try, but you know me. I have a talent for forgetting."<br>Matthew giggles a bit.  
>"You got that right."<br>He stops giggling if he notices that I'm serious.  
>"Why not go outside again for some fresh air. It seems like you really need it," he suggests.<br>I shrug my shoulders. "I don't care."  
>"But it's a good idea. You know what, go look for something you like and I will give that as your Birthday present," Matthew tries to cheer me up.<br>"Birthday present?" I ask.  
>"Yes, of course. It's almost you Birthday remember?"<br>That's right, it's almost my Birthday. Normally I would be planning everything for a big party now, but I don't feel like celebrating my Birthday at all.  
>"I'm sorry Matthew, but I think I will pass this year."<br>"What? But you always loved to celebrate you Birthday" he says a bit confused.  
>The painful pause seems to take ages.<br>"Arthur would want you to celebrate it," Matthew whispers after a long time.  
>By hearing his name it feels like I got stabbed in my heart. I look away from Matthew, I can't bear to look in his worried blue eyes.<br>"Well, if you say so... then I think I will look for a something I like."  
>Matthew nods happy.<br>"You really need something nice now. Don't mind the prize, just be sure you choose something you really like," he says a bit excited.  
>I put my jacket on again and open the door.<br>"Well, see you later," I say while closing the door.  
>"See you," I hear Matthew say before the door closes with a hard bang.<p> 


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Librairie de l'amour, eh?"  
>For a bookstore, it seems to be… well I don't know. Not that bad actually. I wanted to go straight to the game shop, but for some reason this bookstore caught my eye. I wasn't planning on going inside but before I realized, I already was inside. It's not a really big one, but it's also not small. I look at all the books, magazines and I even spot some mangas in the back of the shop. But that isn't everything, there are also comfortable looking chairs and couches where you could sit down and start reading. Really, this bookstore has style.<br>Suddenly someone grabs my shoulder. I quickly turn around and look right at the face of a man with long blond hair and blue eyes.  
>"Can I 'elp you?" he asks.<br>"Um… excuse me?" I say a bit confused.  
>The man smiles at me.<br>"I'm ze owner of zis shop. Are you looking for zome books?"  
>Oh, the man is French. How stupid I didn't notice that earlier. The name of the store is even in French.<br>"Um… well…"  
>That's a good question. Why am I even here? I don't like reading at all. Now I think of it, this is probably my first time entering a bookstore on my own free will. But I guess giving it a try couldn't hurt.<br>"Yes, I'm looking for a book about… um…"  
>The Frenchman nods for me to continue.<br>"About Angels," I say so soft that I'm surprised the man could hear me.  
>"Oh! About Angels, I zee."<br>The man starts walking and I follow him.  
>"Oh no. You can wait 'ere," he says to me.<br>I nod and go sit down on one of the chairs. After some minutes the man comes back with a high pile of books in his hand.  
>"'ere zey are" he says.<br>He puts the books down on the little table that is standing next to me.  
>"'ave a look and pick ze one zat you like," he says.<br>"Oh, thank you really much… um…"  
>"It's Francis," he says with a big grin on his face.<br>Eh? What did he say? That the books are French or something? I really hope they are not, I speak no word French.  
>The man sees that I'm confused and tries it again.<br>"My name is Francis."  
>"Oh! Um… I'm Alfred," I say while my checks are turning a bit red.<br>I feel so stupid. I could at least understand that much. And the man his accent actually isn't so bad at all. But Francis doesn't seem to give something about my silliness and leaves me alone with the books.  
>I sigh when I see how many books he brought. How will I ever be able to pick one? I try my best to ignore the need to stand up, walk out the store and go to the game store instead. Francis took a long time to look for some books I maybe would like, so I should at least try to read a few sentences of one of them. I take the upper book of the pile and start reading in it. It read the title on the book. It's called 'Skellig' and is written by David Almond. I force myself to open the book and start reading. The book isn't so big but I really like the story. The story is about Michael, who finds an interesting person in his garage. The mysterious person looks like he's an older dying man, but if Michael takes him out of the garage and shows him the daylight, he finds out that the man is not what he thought he was. The man's name is Skellig and he has wings like an Angel. Before I knew it I finished the book. In the book was no drama, no violence, no drug nor sex, but the story was exciting in his own way. Suddenly Francis is standing right before me.<br>"And, did you like ze book?" he asks.  
>"Yes, I was really…"I pause to find the right word; "beautiful".<br>"I'm glad to 'ear zat. Do you want to buy it?"  
>For the first in a long time I feel a bit happy.<br>"Yes, of course I will buy it."  
>I rise out of the chair and follow Francis to the counter. Francis smiles at me.<br>"I didn't expect you to read one of ze books nor that you would read one out and buy it. I zought you weren't ze type for reading books, but I guess I was wrong" he says while packing in my book in some nice blue gift wrap.  
>I shake my head. He isn't wrong at all. I never really liked reading. It's way too boring if you ask me. But this story was just really nice. It was what I needed.<br>"No, you are right. I'm more a gamer then a reader. I just… wanted to try something new, you know?"  
>Francis nods as a sign he understands me.<br>"If you want zo try somezing new again then you know where to find me," he says while he winks at me.  
>For some reason I feel really uncomfortable. Of course you are not immediately a pervert if you do something like that but… there is just something about his way doing it that creeps me out. Something is telling me I should get out of here as fast as possible.<br>"Is somezing wrong, mon ami?" he asks.  
>I want to answer but before I get the chance Francis pushes with his hand my head towards his. I can feel his breath on my cheek. With wide open eyes I look in his. His eyes aren't wide open at all, they are looking at me as a wild animal that caught his prey.<br>"You want to play?"


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"E-excuse me?"  
>There is no way he just asked me to… you know… "play". I must have misunderstood that. Francis giggles upon seeing my shocked expression.<br>"Ze expression on your face is hilarious, you know zat?"  
>I try to say 'excuse me' again but for some reason my lips won't move. I gasp for air when I suddenly feel his other hand going under my shirt. As fast as he slipped his hand under my shirt it is pulled back again. He also puts his other hand back. Francis is staring at something right behind me. Curious about what he is looking at I turn my head a bit. A little girl just entered the bookstore.<br>"I'm not interrupting, am I?" she asks with a red head.  
>Francis tries to put a grin on his face but it looks horribly fake.<br>"Of course not, belle petite fille, zis costumer is almost paying zis book and zen we will start looking for some books for you, OK?"  
>The little girl nods and starts looking for some books herself. When she can't see us anymore Francis grabs my shirt and clenches his fist. He is looking really mad at me, as if it was my fault the little girl walked in.<br>"You know, zis isn't over yet. I will get you in my bed, but for now pay your book," he whispers mad.  
>He lets go of my shirt so I can take the money out of my wallet. I give it to him, take the book and run as fast as possible out of the store.<p>

While walking on the sidewalk I try to get my head clear. What was that just now? Also, a note to myself. Never enter bookstores again. I always thought it was a bad idea to enter them but now I'm really sure.  
>Suddenly I remember how Arthur always was complaining about me not reading books. I always said that they were too boring and that they are stupid anyway. Arthur almost freaked out back then. To prove me wrong he started reading books out loud for me and suddenly I did care for books. Well, not really the books themselves, I didn't mind what he was read out loud for me. The thing I loved about Arthur doing it was how beautiful it sounded. I could listen to him for hours, but of course I never told him. Another thing he will never hear from me. I try remembering the last thing he read out loud for me. Oh yes. I remember. It was the same day he asked me about the Angels. I can almost hear his beautiful voice saying the words again.<p>

_'Out, out, brief candle.__  
><em>_Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player__  
><em>_That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,__  
><em>_And then is heard no more.'_

Yes, I remember. It's written by William Shakespeare. When Arthur read it out loud, I didn't fully understand what it meant, but I think I understand it now.  
>"So, I guess I will never hear from you again, right Arthur?" I whisper only loud enough to hear myself whispering it.<br>Tears are coming up, I try to hold them back. I don't want to cry. Not with this many people so nearby. I look up to the sky. It's a beautiful day, there are almost no clouds that take away the warm sunlight. I wish I could share this beautiful day with Arthur, but most wishes keep on waiting until they fade away. I shake my head to get these sad feelings out of it. You know, you could take a beautiful photo shot here, it's only a pity that that ugly old flat is in the way. Now that I'm looking at the flat I notice something weird about it. For as far as I can see it looks like there is a little boy standing on top of it, his shilhouette stands out against the blue sky. Is he… is he going to jump? In a panic I try to get the attention of one of the people on the sidewalk. I tap on the shoulder of a passing gentleman. The man stops and looks down at me.  
>"Is that a boy on top of the flat? Is he going to jump?" I ask.<br>The man looks shocked at the building, stares for a while and then looks mad at me.  
>"Which boy? I don't see anything," he says.<br>"On top of that ugly old flat!" I say.  
>The man stares again but doesn't seem to see him. I point my finger at the boy.<br>"Over there!"  
>The man tries again but is now really pissed off.<br>"I'm sorry sir. I don't have time for your stupid games!" the man says while walking away from me.  
>Games? What is he talking about. I'm dead serious here. Maybe the boy really is going to…<br>Before I finish my thought I see how the boy takes some steps backwards, then runs forward and jumps with stretched arms of the building. I see how he falls faster and faster towards the hard ground. I can't see how his body hits it because of the buildings that are in the way, but I can imagine how it might have looked like. My whole body feels cold. For some minutes I'm not able to move. Most people around me ignore me, just like they hadn't seem to notice the little boy jumping of the building. I get some weird looks from people who are passing me by and weren't ignoring me. They are probably wondering why I'm standing still in the middle on the sidewalk like that, but I don't care. I try to get a grip of myself.  
>Come on Alfred. You got to do something. Maybe the little boy survived it. You must go look for him!<br>With this thought I start walking to the place the boy probably hit the ground. I walk fast but don't start running. I don't want to attract too much attention. The flat comes closer and closer, I'm almost there. Suddenly I hear the sound of a crying child at my right. Could it be? I quickly walk in the small alley the sound is coming from.  
>"H-hello?" I say while I scan the wall on my right with my hand.<br>I reduce my walking pace and carefully take a few steps in the dark. The crying get louder by every step I take.  
>"It's OK. We are going to the hospital as fast as we-"<br>Before my sentence is finished I find the boy. He is laying on the ground with tears dripping off his face. I can't believe my eyes and take a few steps more. The boy is young, about the age of 8 I guess. He is wearing a small white dress with nothing on his feet. His blond hair is a mess but somehow it makes him look cute. But what shocks me the most are the white Angel wings on his back. One of them is bleeding really bad, it has a painful looking cut in it. The wings are moving a little bit in the rhythm of the boys breathing chest. I still can't believe what I see. It's _impossible_.  
>Finally the boy notices me. He looks up at me with bright green eyes I could never forget.<br>"Arthur…"


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I can't stop staring in those eyes. Those eyes that always seemed to see more than I did, that had a whole other view of the world. Those eyes that had the ability to say more than a thousand words. Those eyes I liked to be watched by, it was the little support that made me try harder to reach my goals. Those eyes that were sometimes full of joy, other times full of pain, but most of the time were filled with light irritation that would vanish soon and would take place for a warm almost proud expression. Some poem writers compare eyes with a blue sky when the sun is shining bright or a green grass field on a beautiful spring day, but I can't compare those eyes with anything. Nothing can describe how beautiful they are or how my heart starts beating twice as fast when I look at them. They are unique and for me the thing that matters most in this world.  
>I slowly take some steps forward. When I'm standing before the boy I bend my knees so I can look straight in his eyes. The poor little thing is still crying. His blood is still dripping on the ground. With my hand I gently touch his face. His skin is so soft, almost like a new born.<br>"It's all OK. I will take care of you from now on" I say.  
>Those eyes I love so much are staring at me with fear, something I never saw them do before.<br>"W-who are you?"  
>I slowly pull back my hand. It feels like a little part inside of me died by hearing those words.<br>"You don't… remember me?" I whisper.  
>More tears are dripping off his face. The boy grinds his teeth.<br>"Who are you? What do you want from me? How do you know my name?" he screams almost hysterical.  
>I can't answer. My lips just won't form the words. I thought Arthur returned to me, that everything would be fine, but I guess that that would be too much luck for one person. Maybe I'm selfish, I know that there are more unfulfilled wishes then fulfilled ones, but I'm still not happy now my wish of Arthur coming back to me is fulfilled. I don't only want to be with him, I also want him to remember me… and to love me. I'm so stupid. Why didn't I ever say to him how much I loved him? I know, because I'm a coward and because I was afraid he wouldn't feel the same way about me, that's why I never told him. I look in the boys eyes, Arthurs eyes, that are still filled with fear and tears. If he doesn't remember me, is he then still Arthur? I close my eyes and think really hard. If I forgot Arthur, would I then still be the same person? Yes, I think I would, of course I wouldn't be exactly the same person but I don't think I would change that much. I open my eyes again. Arthur is still looking at me, but now with a more curious look.<br>"I see… I'm Alfred and as I said before, I'm going to take care of you from now on," I say.  
>I look at the big cut in one of his wings.<br>"That must hurt like hell. I'm going to take care of that too."  
>Arthur keeps staring at me for a while, then looks to the ground and nods. I'm happy he accepts me and that he knows I'm not going to hurt him or anything like that.<br>"But you still didn't answer my last question yet," he says.  
>I try to smile to calm him and myself down.<br>"Questions come later. For now we should go to my house so I can take care of you," I say.  
>He looks at me with a look I know much too well. He's trying to see what I'm thinking and what I'm planning, but just as before he died he doesn't succeed. He keeps staring in my eyes for a while and nods again.<br>"Can you stand?" I ask.  
>Arthur looks down at his feet.<br>"I think so" he says not really convincing.  
>He slowly stands up. I support him with my arm. Now I'm touching him I feel again how soft his skin is. I turn my head away from him so he can't see how red my cheeks are.<p>

"I'm back," I say when I open the door but no one reacts.  
>Matthew must have left. When I find a note on the table I'm sure. The note says that he is doing some shopping for tonight's supper and that he will be back soon. Arthur is standing behind me and is looking around in the apartment. He doesn't seem to recognize anything, just as I thought.<br>"We should go to the bathroom, we first have to clean your wing before doing something else with it," I say.  
>Arthur nods and follows me to the bathroom. Mine and Matthew's bathroom isn't really big, but I also wouldn't call it small. We have a bath with shower, a washing machine, a dryer and a sink in it but that's all.<br>"Um… can you…" I get terribly red while saying this; "please take your clothes off and take place in the bath so I can wash the blood out of your wing?"  
>Arthur doesn't move. I guess he doesn't trust me.<br>"I-I won't look, I swear," I say with my face all red.  
>"Mm… it's OK," he says.<br>I turn my back towards Arthur while he takes off his clothes. With my hand I touch my cheek. Wow! It's so warm! You've got to calm down Alfred. There is nothing to be so ashamed of. I'm not a pedophile anyway… am I? No, of course I'm not. I'm just blushing because of the fact the boy is Arthur… somehow.  
>"Hey, I'm done."<br>I quickly turn around and tell myself to focus on his eyes and wings only. Arthur steps elegantly in the bathtub and waits for me to give him a shower. I make sure the water is not too cold nor too warm before I late it "rain" down on him. I take the showerhead and make his injured wing clean. I see how he is biting his lip. It must hurt a lot. I try to be as gentle as I can. Water and blood flow in the drain. Arthur is looking at it with an expression I could only describe as zombie-look-alike.  
>"Hey? Are you OK?" I ask.<br>A long time nothing happens, as if he didn't even hear me, but then Arthur nods slowly. Glad that he heard me but worried about his state I lay a hand on his shoulder as a sign that I commiserate him. Suddenly he screams out loud. Shocked I drop the showerhead.  
>"Shit! Are you-"<br>"Get away from me!" he screams.  
>He turned around so he can look at me. Tears are dripping off his face, but he looks more insane then sad. The shower is still on so there is still coming water from the showerhead. I want to put the shower out but when I reach with my hand but Arthur slaps it away.<br>"Get away from me!" he screams again.  
>"Calm down, I'm not going to do anything to you," I say soothingly.<br>Arthur his whole body is shaking. More tears are dripping off his face.  
>"Don't kill me. Please don't kill me."<p> 


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

I don't want to see it. I don't want to see him in pain like this. This isn't a pain you should fool around with. This pain is way more than the thing you feel if you fall down the stairs. I can only guess how painful it must be to relive the night you were murdered. But you are not going to be murdered this time, you won't.  
>"I won't kill you," I say slowly.<br>He keeps staring at me with that scared expression. He doesn't believe a word of it. Of course. If I was him I would do the same. What can I do to let him believe me? I'm thinking hard, but I can't find a solution. Maybe I should go away to let him call down.  
>"I will leave you alone for now. I will be waiting for you in the living room," I say.<br>I want to rise up but before I get the chance Arthur jumps out of the bath with the showerhead in his hands. It's a good thing that my senses are fast. Just before he hits me with the showerhead on my head I make a move. He misses my head but hits my left shoulder instead. I want to scream it out from pain but I hold it. Now I'm laying on the cold bathroom tiles with Arthur on top of me, the showerhead still shaking in his hands. The shower is still on so my clothes are becoming soaked, but I don't care. I look in his eyes. They are like open books, you can read everything out of them. What I read now is sadness, pain, but also the will to survive no matter what.  
>"Do it," I say.<br>Arthur his hands start to shake even more. Tears from his face drip on mine, where they fuse into one with my tears.  
>"You should kill your enemy, before he kills you," I whisper.<br>Arthur keeps staring in my eyes. He wants to read them.  
>"Are you my enemy?" he asks slowly.<br>I'm able to make a little smile.  
>"No… I'm not."<br>That was too much. Too much for Arthur to handle. The showerhead falls on the tiles. The floor is becoming all wet. He grasps his head with his hands and screams. I wait until he's done, then slowly take him in my arms and push him against my chest, he willingly lets me. I can feel how his little body is shaking against mine. He is so soft, so pure but also so breakable. He strangles his sobbing on my chest. I gently lay my right hand on his head.  
>"It's all fine now… it's all fine…"<p>

I slowly open my bedroom door.  
>"Are you asleep?" I whisper through the dark.<br>"No, not yet," I hear Arthur say.  
>With my right hand I search for the light switch. When I've found it I press it, and the ornamental lamps in my room go on. My heart stops beating if I lay my eyes on the Angel on my bed. Arthur is wearing one of my old white shirts as a nightdress. The white fluffy blanket he's laying on seems as hard as stone if you compare it with his wings and his beautiful soft skin. And then his eyes, that are staring at me hopefully. I'm shocked by myself. The urge to slowly let my body come down on his and touch his until the sun rises is almost too much to handle. I got to calm myself down and whisper, so loud only I can hear it, 'I'm not a pedophile' a few times before I can go sit next to him on the bed without raping him. He curiously looks up to me. I turn my head away from him so I won't make a stupid move. I feel how Arthur is moving on the bed when he comes sitting next to me. He is still looking at me with those curious eyes, but I refuse to look in them just for his own well being.<br>"How is your shoulder?" he asks.  
>I can't bear not looking at him anymore and turn my head towards him. I wish I didn't do that. I ball my fists to make sure my hands won't go to places they shouldn't go.<br>"I'm fine, don't worry about me," I say.  
>I can feel how he's not believing me while he tries looking at my left shoulder with a worried expression. I turn my body so he can have a look at my shoulder. I take off my shirt and point with my right hand at my left shoulder.<br>"See? It's fine. It's only a bruise," I say.  
>With a frown he looks at my bruise. It looks like he is thinking really hard.<br>"Can I… touch it?" he asks slowly.  
>I can feel how my cheeks are becoming red.<br>"Y-yeah… sure," I say.  
>He gently touches my bruise with his hand, I bit on my lip to not scream it out. It hurts so much.<br>"Does it hurt?" he asks as if he read my mind.  
>"Only a bit," I lie.<br>Arthur nods an closes his eyes. We are sitting like this a few moments, then Arthur opens his eyes again.  
>"I think I can make you feel better" he says.<br>A bit confused I look down at him.  
>"You can?" I ask.<br>Arthur nods but for some reason he doesn't dare to look in my eyes.  
>"But first close your eyes," he says.<br>I can feel how my heart is beating loud in my chest. Close my eyes? What is he going to…  
>"Please do so," he says with such a sad tone in it I immediately close my eyes.<br>Again I can feel how Arthur is moving on the bed. I try to sit as still as possible while my heart is beating so hard it almost hurts. Then suddenly I feel him. His lips are gently kissing my bruise. It doesn't hurt at all. Actually, I can feel how it starts healing faster and faster every time Arthur's lips kiss it. I swear, in my whole life my head was never this red and hot before. I force myself to not open my eyes, grab him or anything else that would be unpleasant for him, until he is done. When he finally is done I slowly open my eyes. With my right hand I touch my shoulder. The bruise is gone.  
>"How did you…" I'm not able to finish my sentence, I am so confused.<br>Arthur smiles at me in a way my heart melts.  
>"It's the power of love."<p> 


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

I have to breathe deeply in and out a few times before I'm able to talk again.  
>"Power of love?" I ask.<br>Arthur nods.  
>"Yes, that's what the charm is called."<br>I feel how my cheeks are becoming even more red.  
>"Y-yes. A charm. It's a charm. Of course it is," I say awkwardly.<br>I feel so stupid. Of course he didn't meant he was in love with me or something like that. It's just what the charm is called. Arthur looks at me with prying eyes. I deliberately don't look at them.  
>"It's late. We should go to sleep" I say.<br>I wish he would stop staring at me like that. It makes me feel really uncomfortable.  
>"Y-you… don't mind sleeping in the same bed as me right? If you do then I can just-"<br>"It's okay," he says without letting me finish my sentence.  
>Without saying another word he goes under the blanket. When I have calmed myself down enough I go and lie next to him. My bed isn't really big so I can feel some parts of his body against mine. I can feel the adrenalin flowing in my veins. It doesn't matter how strong my desires become, I won't make them reality. Arthur can feel that something is wrong with me.<br>"Are you all right?" he asks.  
>It's too much. I must go away from him before I do something stupid.<br>"I'm fine. I will just sleep on the couch so you have more space," I say while I rise from the bed.  
>Suddenly Arthur clings to my arm.<br>"No! Don't! Please don't leave me alone!" he says with tears in his eyes.  
>Shocked about his expressive reaction I can only stare at him and then slowly wipe his tears away.<br>"Don't cry. I will stay by your side then," I say.  
>Arthur nods and lets go of my arm.<br>"But why don't you want me to leave?" I ask.  
>"Because… I feel a bit safer when I'm with you," he almost whispers.<br>I giggle inside. Safer? You should know my dear, that _that_ isn't the case.  
>"Well then. I guess you left me no choice," I say while I lay down again.<br>I can still feel the adrenalin, but I think I will be able to handle it.  
>"Hey… Alfred?" Arthur asks.<br>"Yes?" I say.  
>"What were you to me?" he asks.<br>"W-what do you mean?" I say confused.  
>"I mean… You knew my name without me telling it so I though you knew me already when I was alive. What were you to me back then?"<br>I don't think I can answer that. It's too painful to talk about 'Arthur when he was still alive'. Just too painful. Arthur notices how I struggle with the question. He starts suggesting some answers.  
>"Like we were neighbors or we were acquaintances or we were friends or we were…" while he pauses he starts looking down; "lovers. You know, something like that."<br>Suddenly my body feels frozen. I don't have to try to hold my tears in, there are none left.  
>"We were… just friends," I say.<br>Desperately Arthur looks at me.  
>"Just friends?" he repeats.<br>It hurts really much to say it out loud, even thinking of it hurts, but it's the truth and I won't lie about it.  
>"Yes, just friends," I say again.<br>Somehow Arthur looks a bit disappointed.  
>"Is there something wrong?" I ask.<br>"No, not at all. I just thought that… I was your lover in the past because the me now seems really dear to you," Arthur says with a sad expression on his face.  
>For the last time I let my lips form the painful words.<br>"We weren't loves, but you are dear to me indeed," I say.  
>Just now I thought I saw happiness in Arthurs eyes. It wasn't in his eyes for long, but I would swear I saw it sparkle. Arthur puts his arms around me. I gasp shocked for air, I didn't saw that coming.<br>"Thank you…" he whispers.  
>No, thank you…<p>

I slowly open my eyes. Bright light is shining through the white curtains. I sit up, rub the sleep out of my eyes and then stretch my arms. I take my glasses from the nightstand and put them on. I happily look down on the little Angel who's laying next to me. He's still sleeping. His chest is slowly going up and down and his head, which looks even more angelic now, is laying so peacefully on the white cushion. I could stare for hours at him when he's like this. He just looks so… adorable. I could take him in my arms and squeeze him together. The only thing the stops me doing it is the fact that he won't appreciate it so much. But I shouldn't complain. Even if he doesn't want me to squeeze him, even if he doesn't remember me, I still have him by my side, and that is all that matters to me. I carefully come out of the bed so I won't wake up Arthur. I tiptoe as silently as I can out of my room and open and close the door as soft as possible.  
>When I come in the living room I'm surprised to see Matthew sitting at the dining table. He normally isn't up this early. He must have heard me come in because he stops reading the newspaper and looks up at me.<br>"Good morning," he says.  
>"Morning," I say.<br>I walk to the kitchen and make some breakfast for myself. Just a bowl of cornflakes with milk and some coffee, not anything special. When I'm done making my breakfast I go sit down next to Matthew and start eating. Matthew amused looks at my breakfast.  
>"No eggs, bacon and toast today?" he asks.<br>I shrug my shoulders.  
>"You know I'm too lazy to make that every morning," I say.<br>Matthew giggles. Maybe it's a bit weird to think this of someone you see as your brother but I find it terribly cute when he giggles like that.  
>"Just kidding. Just kidding" he says.<br>I nod and eat the rest of my breakfast. Matthew keeps staring at me. What is it with all these people these days.  
>"Something wrong?" I asks.<br>Matthew shakes his head.  
>"No nothing. You just seem really happy today. Did you meet someone?"<br>I almost choke in my coffee. Matthew smiles at me with a curious look. By almost choking in my coffee I just admit that _that_is the case. I clear my throat before answering his question.  
>"No not really," I lie.<br>"Don't lie to me. You can tell me. That's what brothers are for right?"  
>"No really, there is nothing."<br>I look away from Matthew so him can't see my red face.  
>"That must be such a lucky girl to have you be all ashamed like that by me wanting you to tell me about her."<br>"Wait… what?" I say confused.  
>"That the girl you're in love with is one of the luckiest in the world" Matthew answers.<br>"G-girl?" I ask.  
>Matthew surprised looks at me but then his expression changes again to the curious one before.<br>"Oh, so you're in love with a boy then. Is that why you won't tell me? You know I have no problems with you loving a boy, don't you?"  
>I'm too confused to say something back. My face is now even more red.<br>"W-well… I…"  
>Matthew lays his finger on my lips to shut them.<br>"We will talk about this later, but now I have to go," he says.  
>Before I'm able to ask him where he is going, he already left.<p> 


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Confused I stare at the door Matthew opened and closed before me noticing it.  
>"Yeah, see you later…" I say not expecting an answer.<br>What was that just now? First Matthew was all like: 'Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!' and then he just disappeared without telling where he was going. Not that I really mind. I didn't want to tell him about Arthur anyway.  
>"A-alfred?" I suddenly hear Arthur whisper behind me.<br>I turn around so I can see him and when I do I can't believe my eyes. Arthur is standing in front of the doorway that leads to the living room, one hand rubbing the sleep of his right eye. He still is wearing my old white shirt and has nothing on his feet. Don't they feel cold? I will soon look for a pair of socks for him. His wings are still as beautiful as always, but the cut isn't fully healed yet. But these are not the things that surprised me. What makes me not believe my eyes is the fact that Arthur seems like almost a year older then yesterday. His legs and arms have become longer and even his torso seems to have grown a bit. I rise up from the chair and walk towards his so I can have a better look.  
>"Can I have a better look at your arm?" I ask.<br>I see at Arthur's expression that he has no idea why I would aks him that, but he nods and raises his left arm I carefully hold it and have a better look. Yes, now that I've seen it better I'm sure it has grown.  
>"Is there something wrong with my arm?" Arthur asks concerned.<br>I immediately let him go and shake my head.  
>"Oh no. There's nothing wrong with it. It just seems longer then yesterday, but it must be my imagination," I try to comfort him.<br>Arthur looks confused at me.  
>"But isn't it supposed to be longer then yesterday?" he asks.<br>"Well… yeah, maybe a bit but not this much," I say.  
>"But they told me it was normal," Arthur says.<br>'Normal'? 'They'? What is he talking about. I shake my head.  
>"See, I don't know what you mean but let's just forget it, okay?" I try to stop this conversation.<br>Arthur looks at me if just 'the penny dropped'.  
>"You don't know?" he asks.<br>"Know what?" I ask.  
>"I will tell you," Arthur says.<br>Before I can refuse Arthur goes sitting on the couch and waits for me to go sitting next to him. I sigh and do so.  
>"All right then. Tell me about it," I say.<br>Arthur nods. Maybe it's weird but I can feel how happy he is now he can tell his story to somebody.  
>"I think I will start from the beginning," Arthur says.<br>I nod as a sign I find that no problem and he starts talking.  
>"The first thing I can remember is being held by a man with short black hair and lifeless looking eyes. I was really small back then, like a new born. He said; 'Look Yao, here's another one'. I heard footsteps coming closer and the other man looked down at me. 'You're right Kiku. He's really cute, aru' he said."<br>Arthur pauses because his face has turned a bit red. I guess he finds it a bit embarrassing that an older man called him cute. I've got to disappoint him. Not only this Yao person but also I find him really cute.  
>"When my sight became better I was surprised. These men had white wings. I also already had them but I hadn't realized it yet. What came after this isn't really clear. I can remember how we had rules at the places we stayed."<br>It's a bit rude to interrupted him but I have to.  
>"With 'we' you mean those Yao and Kiku guys, right?"<br>Arthur shakes his head.  
>"Not only them. Also other Angels where staying there. Some were bigger them me, some were smaller… I'm sorry, I don't remember more details about the other Angels," he says.<br>"Oh, don't worry. I'm glad you're telling me this. Maybe some things will get more clear now," I say.  
>Arthur nods again, closes his eyes and thinks hard to remember more.<br>"There was one room no one was allowed to enter. It was the room of 'the father of light'."  
>"With that… you mean… God?"<br>Arthur smiles a distorted smile and looks sad to the ground.  
>"No, I wouldn't call him that. He's just the head Angel."<br>I don't know why Arthur suddenly looks so sad but I guess he will explain me it later.  
>"I've seen him just once, accidently. If he really was God then we wouldn't need 'the devil'."<br>I'm not sure what Arthur means by that but I just keep on listening to his story. His sad eyes take place for the happier ones again.  
>"We were told that we were special and that everyone of us had one duty we had to fulfill."<br>Arthur stares at me to see what for a reaction he gets. I nod so he will go on.  
>"It's a bit complicated. Let me first think a bit," he says.<br>I wait until he starts talking again.  
>"We Angels become one year older every day. This process keeps on until your '18'. On the 18th day you have to find you soul mate. When you find him or her you have to wait until the night falls and then show yourself to him or her. That night will be a really special night because of several reasons. It's the night your soul mate's 19th birthday will be and just before he or she turns 19…"<br>I can see how Arthur's face becomes red.  
>"You will make love with your soul mate, and there will be a bond that will never be broken."<p> 


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

I just keep staring in his eyes. Not knowing how to react, not knowing what to say. His eyes keep staring back at mine. His face isn't very red anymore, but you can still see a light blush. After some minutes Arthur looks down, now he only looks sad. Maybe because I'm not reacting?  
>"W-well…" I say.<br>Arthur directly looks in my eyes again. You could almost call his look hopeful.  
>"That duty… is a bit odd, isn't it?"<br>I could slap myself now. I not only see but also feel how disappointed he is. God, sometimes I hate myself.  
>"Odd?" he says.<br>"Well… it isn't a thing you hear daily right?" I try to comfort him.  
>Arthur slowly nods and looks down again. I'm so stupid! What should I do?<br>"Thank you for telling this. You must have felt uncomfortable because you couldn't tell anyone for a long time," I say.  
>The only reaction I get is a slow nod again. Think hard Alfred! What can I do to make him feel happy again? Wait, maybe…<br>"Do you want me to tell you about your life? I mean, like before you turned into an Angel."  
>Arthur still isn't looking into my eyes, but his expression becomes a bit more… how could I say this… peacefully.<br>"Yes please. I would be happy to know a bit more about us," he says.  
>I didn't say I would only talk about 'us' when Arthur was still alive, but Arthur wanting me to do so made me blush a bit.<br>"All right then. Um… where to start?" I ask.  
>Even though I asked it myself Arthur answers for me.<br>"Please start telling from the day we met."  
>"Y-yes. That's fine with me, but let me first think a bit," I say.<br>close my eyes and try to remember the day we met. I can hear Arthur's breathing. He is breathing really calmly, I wish I also was breathing like that. Focus Alfred! You're getting out of topic. What was I think about again? Oh yeah. That's right. The day we met. Suddenly I remember, I can see every detail coming up in my mind, almost like it's happening again. I open my eyes and they directly meet his.  
>"The first day we met was a sunny day with a light breeze. I had just come out of the game shop when you caught my eye. You were crossing the street, not noticing a car was coming. I was the only one who saw it happening. I dropped my new games and took a sprint. I can remember how I shouted to you to look out. Because of me you noticed the car, but it already was too late. Luckily for you I was able to jump, take you in my arms and make a sort of somersault before the car hit. You said some nasty words and found it stupid that the whole world just doesn't drive on the left side of the street as it used to be in your home country, England. When you noticed the situation you were in you immediately stopped complaining, asked me if I was okay and thanked me a thousand times for saving your life. I was fine. I only had some scratches and bruising. You were really concerned about me. A few other people who had seen it happening also were concerned. They also found it unbearable that the driver hadn't stopped. They were suggesting to call the police, but I didn't really mind. I was just happy we both survived it. After that we just went our own way.<br>I was really surprised to meet you again in my school the next day. You came every pause to me, telling me that you didn't know anyone in school yet so you were 'forced' to talk to me. I didn't find it irritating. I actually appreciated that we spoke to each other so much even though you worked in the school library for only a few hours per week. You told me a lot about your home in England, and how you loved it so much. I've always wondered why you came to America if you liked England so much, but unfortunately I've never been able to ask you. We spent one year talking to each other every pause. After that year you told me you had found another job that suited you more. I was afraid of never seeing you again but fortunately we visited each other a lot the following years."  
>I paused to see what for a reaction I got. I'm shocked when I see Arthur crying. I was so busy talking that I hadn't noticed it earlier.<br>"Please, tell me more."


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"H-hey. Why are you crying?" I ask him while taking him in my arms.  
>"I… Y-you…" is the only thing I can hear through his sobbing.<br>I brush with my hand though his hair. I wait until Arthur can talk again.  
>"I'm crying because I can't remember even one of these things, but want to remember them so bad," he says.<br>I wipe his tears away.  
>"I can understand that. But don't worry. We will make new memories together," I say.<br>"Make new memories?" he ask.  
>"Yes, I want to have as many happy memories with you as possible, but for that you need to stop crying. I don't want to remember you crying, and I think you don't want that either," I say.<br>I can see how Arthur calmed down. I'm a bit proud of myself for comforting him like that.  
>"I will try," Arthur says.<br>"But, you will continue telling, won't you?"  
>I smile at him. That wasn't to comfort him, it just happened naturally.<br>"Of course. So… let's see. Where did I stop telling?"  
>"The last thing you told me was that even though I had a new job we still met each other a lot," Arthur reminds me.<br>"Oh, yes. We had a lot of fun back then." I laugh. "I will never forget how you forced me to go to a museum with you. I thought it would be dead boring so I refused to go, but you had a dirty trick to get me with you," I say.  
>I can see how interested Arthur is.<br>"Well? What did I do?" he asks curious.  
>"You said that every hour in the museum would be one hour extra you would read books for me out loud. God, I loved it when you read books out loud for me. How could I refuse if you made such a great deal?"<br>"Y-you loved it?" he asks with a light red blush on his cheeks.  
>"Yes, I could listen to you for hours," I say.<br>Arthur smiles at me with a smile which makes me feel as if something is tickling in my stomach. Butterflies maybe?  
>"I'm glad to hear that," he says.<br>I nod and continue telling.  
>"We did a lot together. We went to festivals, concerts and also many times to the beach," I say.<br>Suddenly I get an idea.  
>"Do you want to see my Photo Albums?"<br>"Yes please," Arthur says happily.  
>I rise up from the couch and go searching for my albums. Where did I leave them again? Oh yeah, that's right. I walk to one of the bookcases in the room. When I've finally found them I take them out of the bookcase and walk with them in my hands back to Arthur. I carefully put them on the ground and take the one off the top. I go sitting next to Arthur and open the album. Together Arthur and I look at the photos. There are so many! I'm glad it was my hobby to take photos back then. Surprised Arthur looks at all of them.<br>"Did I really look like that?" he asks.  
>"Yes, but you have to look through your irritated faces sometimes. You didn't really always liked to be on a photo," I say.<br>Arthur giggles and flips though the album. At first there were many photos of him and me, but as he flips further there are less photos of us and more photos of Matthew and me appear Arthur seems annoyed by it.  
>"Who is he?" he asks.<br>"Oh, that's my brother. Well, not really my brother but I've always seen him as one. We have been together for almost all our lives," I explain.  
>The only thing Arthur does is nod and flip further. When only photos of Matthew and me appear he closes the album and takes another one from the ground. He seems happy that the photos in this one are only of him and me. He starts flipping again but then suddenly stops. With his finger he points at one of the photos.<br>"This one seems… familiar," he says.  
>If something seems familiar for someone who forgot everything, that must be a really special something. I look at the photo, but it actually doesn't seem special at all. It's just a photo of the two of us in the city. It was really cold back then so we both had thick and warm clothes on. You can also see our breath. The photo must have been taken late because the streetlights are on. I really don't see what so special is about this photo.<br>"Can I have a better look?" I ask.  
>Arthur nods and hands me the album over. I have a closer look. Now that I did that I noticed something new. We aren't just somewhere in the city, we are standing in front of a bookshop I now already know too well: Libraire de l'amour. We are also not the only ones in the photo. There is a person leaning against the wall right behind us, Francis. I slowly hand the album back. Arthur looks confused at me.<br>"It's nothing," I say.  
>Arthur nods and start flipping again. How can this be? How could that photo seem familiar to him? I shake my head. Forget it Alfred, it's not important anyway. While Arthur is flipping a little piece of paper falls out.<br>"I got it," I say while I rise up to take it.  
>When I have it in my hands I see that it's not an ordinary paper, it's a letter.<p>

'Hey Alfred.  
>I just wanted you to know I had really much fun today, even though you totally won our snowball fight. You should have taken it easy on me. What do you see me for? A young man just like you? You've got to remember that I'm still older then you and that I'm not as sportive as you are. But I'm not writing this letter to give you a lecture.<br>I will hide this letter so you will find it later, just in case. Why you ask? Well, I've been willing to tell you this for a long time, but I'm not sure if I will have the courage to say it to you in person. If that is the case then you will still find it out because of this letter.  
>The things is…'<p>

I want to read further but my view isn't in shape anymore because of my tears. I roughly wipe them away so I can read further. I focus on the last words.

'I love you.'


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

_I never told you._  
>The gravel under my feet crisps a bit with every step I take. I'm not the only one on the gravel path. My little Angel is walking besides me. I have Arthur's letter in my pocket. I can feel how it's sitting there. I'm trying to hold in the urge to take it out and read the last three words it again. I know I shouldn't do that. It only makes me more depressed. Yesterday was a really weird day. It started with comforting Arthur, but in the end he had to comfort me. After reading those words of love my inner world just collapsed. It cost me more than half a day to put my broken heart pieces together again. My heart still hasn't fully recovered from the loss yet, but at least I can act normal again. Of course Arthur was really shocked when I suddenly started crying so hard. He really tried his best to comfort me, the sweetheart. Still he didn't really succeed. But how could he? He had no idea what was going on. I didn't want to tell the truth to him, so I just said I was sad because of all the memories that came up, which wasn't a complete lie. I also quickly hid the letter. Arthur would only be more confused if he read it.<br>Suddenly I feel how Arthur's hand holds mine. It's really warm and still small. Surprised, I look down at him.  
>"Are you all right?" he asks.<br>I nod. I squeeze his hand a bit.  
>"I was just… thinking," I say.<br>"About what?" Arthur asks.  
>For a little time we just walk in silence. Well, except for the crisping then.<br>"About you," I say.  
>Arthur face turns a bit red, but the only thing he does is nod and then look down. The rest of the walk we say nothing.<br>"Here is it," I say when I stop walking.  
>Arthur also stops. Slowly his eyes imbibe all the information that comes at them. Arthur lets go of my hand and takes a few steps forward. I watch him just as a mother bird watches how her chick walks to the end of the branch to jump and fly for the first time. The jump can lead to death, but if the chick manages to fly a whole new world will be at his disposal. All the mother bird can do is watch hopefully.<br>"So this… is me," Arthur whispers.  
>I don't know if it was a question or a confirmation so the only thing I do is nod. Arthur bends his knees so he can have a better look. He gently lays his hand on the white marble looking stone. He quickly takes his hand back because of the cold. I know how it feels, it feels like a kiss of frozen lips. Then he lays his eyes on the flowers. Carefully he takes a few of them in his hands. They are red gladiolus. I remember where I bought them. It was by a nice small Dutch flower shop. Maybe it was small but it sure was high-class. The owner of the shop was a really cool guy. Spiky hair, smoking all day long. Yeah, he was Dutch all right. He asked me what I was looking for. I said I was looking for the most beautiful flowers in the world. He only smiled and said I was at the right place. Back then I wasn't really in the mood for jokes so when he noticed that he quickly asked me which flowers I preferred. I walked though the shop and pointed at the red gladiolus. The man smiled and said; "The dead or the gladiolus". I had no idea what he was talking about so he explained to me it was a Dutch phrase, de dood of de gladiolen. It means 'everything or nothing'. I found it a bit odd. Why would you compare 'the dead' to 'everything' and 'the gladiolus' to 'nothing'. That just makes no sense, but it's a phrase after all.<br>With closed eyes Arthur smells at the gladiolus. The Dutchman was right, his flowers are really the best. After all this days they seems just as beautiful as on the day I laid them here. Arthur opens his eyes and looks at me.  
>"They are really beautiful," he says.<br>I nod and watch Arthur rising up. He walks toward me and takes my hand again.  
>"I think I'm ready to go. Thank you really much for letting me see my grave," he says.<br>I'm able to make a little smile.  
>"You're welcome," I say.<br>Without saying another word we walk away from the grave, Arthur still having the red gladiolus in his hand.  
><em>I never told you, how much I loved you.<em>  
>I look down at my Angel. He notices that I'm looking at him and looks hopefully up at me with a light blush on his cheeks. Maybe I didn't told you when you were alive, but I will make sure to tell it you this time.<br>"It's the dead or the gladiolus," I whisper.


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

What is time?  
>Can you see it? Can you touch it? Can you hear it? Can you taste it? No, you can't, but still it's always there.<br>I can imagine Time sitting in a chair, watching me struggling with my life with a big grin on his face. My life amuses him. He loves to break my heart slowly and painfully into small pieces, but that isn't even the best part. He will throw all the pieces at me so I will have to search for them one by one. After that I will have to put them all back together. The pieces will make deep cuts my hands. Blood and tears will drip on the ground. The only thing he will do is looking down at me from his chair, still with the same grin on his face. When I'm finished he will slowly rise up from his chair and walk towards me. He will reach to me with his hand. He wants me to hand my heart over. I can't refuse, the only thing I can do carefully give it to him. He will look at my heart and say I did a good job putting it together again, that I can be proud of myself. He will go sit in his chair and will smile at me happily when he starts breaking my heart again.  
>Time is a sick man. He sees you as a doll he can play with and if you became to worn he will call his best friend mister Death to take care of you. At least that's what I always thought.<br>I look down at the little Angel who is lying beside me. I look at his closed eyes, the ones who had already so much to cry about after only a few days of death. Seems like even if mister Death took care of you, you will still be within reach of Time. I despise Time for hurting Arthur like that. Arthur doesn't deserve to be in pain. But that's not my only reason to despise Time. When I do feel happy, when I feel how the sunlight caresses my skin, when I see the world in all his beauty, Time seems to be in a big hurry, as if he wants me to be in pain as soon as possible again. When I feel like that I try to stop Time, but I can't reach him because Time has wings and always flies away. Just like now.  
>My days with Arthur seem to end too fast. When I hold him in my arms I feel like the happiest man in the world, but when I let him go it seems like it even didn't happen. If it was all just a vague memory of a beautiful dream that never would come true. When I let him go my heart feels so empty. I wish I could hold him for ever so I would never feel that lonely emptiness again.<br>"Alfred," I hear Arthur mumble in his sleep.  
>I can't help that my face becomes all red. Why is Arthur mumbling like that? Is he doing that on purpose? Arthur mumbles some other things but I can't hear what he is saying. After that he again falls in a deep sleep. I keep staring at his angel face for a long time. I just noticed that he has really long eyelashes, all the girls would be jealous of him. His lips are a bit open at the moment. He is slowly breathing out and in through the small opening. The word beautiful doesn't seem to fit with his lips, they are way more than just beautiful. It's a bit weird but I would prefer to call them adorable. His lower lip is twice as thick as his upper lip, but it doesn't look fat or fake, just the way I like it. And his skin, it's so perfect. No moles, no scars, no red spots, all perfect and so soft. Even professionals in Photoshop wouldn't think of a way to make it more beautiful and if they would try something out it would only look less beautiful than the original. His hair is also so beautiful. It's as pure as the sunlight. I love the feeling of letting it slip through my fingers. His hair is also a bit of a mess, but I think it suits and makes him look terribly cute. It weird, but looking at 'this' Arthur makes we wonder how the 'alive' Arthur really looked like. I've always found him beautiful, but the Arthur now seems perfect in all the possible ways. I guess the death makes you more beautiful. I imagine how they would make a commercial from that.<br>'Are you sick and tired of your lines, pimples and other uglinesses? Then kill yourself now! Death gives you a 100% warranty on a perfect body, and if you would prefer to be killed my some professionals instead, then call this number!'  
>I smile. That would be sick, just like mister Time. My attention goes back to Arthur. I get a bit ashamed by noticing how my old white shirt isn't covering his little shoulders. I want to kiss him so badly, but I shouldn't do that.<br>"Alfred," Arthur mumbles again.  
>Well… a little kiss couldn't hurt. I carefully place my body in a way I could easily give him a little kiss on his forehead. I slowly go with my lips to his face. My heart pounds really fast. I'm hoping Arthur won't wake up because of the sound of it. When my lips touch his forehead I feel something what I never felt before. It's like I'm struck by lightning. Energy is flowing through my body. Shocked about the extreme reaction of my body I quickly pull back my head, but now the urge to kiss him is even bigger. I try to calm myself down and then try it again. This time the reaction of my body is less extreme but I can still feel the energy flow. I try it again and again. His soft skin feel so good against my lips. I want more. I don´t only want to kiss his forehead, I want to kiss every part of his body. I want to feel his lips against mine, and it would be even better if he kissed me back. Only thinking of Arthur kissing me makes me feel dizzy. If that would happen I would cry of happiness.<br>"Alfred," Arthur says.  
>This time he wasn't mumbling. He said it with a clear voice, the voice of a person who is fully awake. Even faster than before I pull back my head. I look in Arthur eyes. Arthurs green open eyes that are looking at me confused.<br>"I… I…" I try to explain myself.  
>His confused look disappears and he smiles.<br>"Also good morning to you," he says.  
>"Y-yeah. Good morning," I say.<br>Awkwardly I turn my face away from him and go sitting in another position. I'm so ashamed of myself. What must I say if he asks me what I was doing?  
>"Isn't that your mobile ringing?" he asks.<br>Confused I look at him again. I didn't saw that question coming.  
>"Wait? What?" I ask.<br>"Your mobile," he says while pointing at my iPhone that is ringing on my nightstand.  
>"Oh, yes," I say.<br>I quickly take it.  
>"Hello?" I say.<br>"Hello, with the head of Murder Cases. I would like to have a little chat with you."


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

I have a dead serious expression on my face. I hope I will be able to keep that up because my heart is beating really hard and I feel uncomfortable. I'm sitting on a cold iron chair which is sealed with the steel floor. I wonder why they would do such a thing, but after a little bit of thinking I figured out some people might see a chair as a lethal weapon and an opportunity to escape from here. This room is small and also really dark. There are no windows, but I don't have to fear they won't see me because not only are there multiple cameras looking at me, there also is a too bright lamp shining in my face. The only things in this room are two chairs with a table in between and a lamp on the table. I wish I could go home, but I can't give up now. I don't know why the head of Murder Cases wants to talk with me, but it must be important. I just hope they don't suspect me to have killed Arthur because I didn't and that would break my heart. Finally someone opens the steel door. I can't really see what the person looks like because of the bright lamp. I can hear how he comes closer. For some reason I feel really scared now. I don't know who that person is but he sure is long. What if he does something to me? Would I be able to get out of here? My heart stands still when suddenly the person quickly reaches with his hand towards me. I'm so scared. Will he slap me? Will he pull my hair out? Or will he do something even more painful? No he won't. The only thing he does s take the lamp and place it in a way so that it won't shine in my face so brightly. Now that I'm not blinded by the lamp anymore I can see the person's face. He has blue eyes and blond spiky hair, but not as spiky as the Dutch flower shop owner. He happily looks down at me.  
>"I thought that lamp was bothering you," he says.<br>He reaches with his hand to me again. Confused, I look at it. When I noticed he wants to shake hands I quickly take his hand and shake it.  
>"Nice to meet you, I'm the head of Murder Cases, but you can call me Mark," he says.<br>"Oh, I'm Alfred," I say.  
>Mark lets go of my hand, goes to sit in the chair across from me and nods.<br>"I know that. Alfred F. Jones if I'm right," he says.  
>I'm only able to nod. I'm waiting for Mark to start talking again but he takes his time. His blue eyes look at me curiously. Then he smiles.<br>"I don't think you killed Arthur. You can relax now," he says.  
>After hearing those words I immediately calm down, even though I still don't feel comfortable.<br>"How do you know?" I ask.  
>"I don't know. Maybe it's intuition," he says while shrugging.<br>"Don't lie" suddenly someone says.  
>I directly search for the place it came from. When I found it I see how a person is leaning against the wall. This person also has blue eyes and blond hair, only his eyes are darker blue than Mark's and his hair isn't spiky but straight. He also has a little cross in his hair and is a bit smaller than Mark. When did he come in?<br>"Oh, hi Norge. You could at least knock next time you come in" Mark says.  
>"Don't act like you didn't hear what I said" this guy, whose name is apparently Norge, says.<br>Mark sighs.  
>"Okay, maybe it wasn't my intuition," he confesses.<br>I look confused at the two.  
>"I shall explain," Mark says.<br>Norge rolls with his eyes.  
>"You see, that guy over there," he says while pointing at Norge. "Is my personal spy. I demented him to spy on you a bit, and because the only things he had seen you do was cry by Arthur's grave, I guessed you were not the murderer."<br>"I wouldn't say you _demented_ me but yes, that is true," Norge says.  
>"That seems logic and all, but why did you want to speak with me then?" I ask Mark.<br>The happy look he had until now makes place for a dead serious one. I can see that he is thinking hard.  
>"This murder case… is one of the hardest I ever had. Little evidence, many suspects," he says.<br>I listen with all my attention to Mark.  
>"For now we have two head suspects… and we want you to visit them," he says.<br>Before I can ask what he means he explains further.  
>"We need more information. We were hoping you could get some for us, but of course it's your own decision."<br>A long pause falls.  
>"What exactly do you want me to do?" I ask.<br>Mark looks at Norge. Norge nods and goes away. When he comes back he has a pile of paper in his hands. He puts them down on the table. Mark takes a few and reads what's on them. He nods and lays one of them on the table in a way I can read what's on it.  
>"This is one of the two head suspects. We would like it if you tried visiting her to get some information," he says.<br>"How will I be able to do that?" I ask.  
>"Don't say you're there because of me, that won't help. Just try to get in and get her to talk about Arthur. After that, we will see what happens."<p>

"I'm home," I say while closing the door.  
>Before I´m able to take off my jacket I get hugged by Arthur.<br>"I was so scared you wouldn't come back," he says.  
>I hug him back. His skin feels warm and soft, as always.<br>"Of course I would come back. I always will," I say.  
>Now that I'm hugging him I notice how big he already is.<br>"Uhm… how 'old' are you now?" I ask him.  
>"I'm eleven now. Why are you asking?" he says.<br>"You're becoming so big," I say while smiling.  
>Arthurs face becomes a bit red. He hides it in my jacket.<br>"How is your wing?" I ask.  
>Arthur looks at me again.<br>"It's fine. It's almost healed. I think it will be better tomorrow," he says.  
>I let him go. Gently, I caress his wing with my hand. He's right. The cut is almost gone.<br>"Good to hear," I say.  
>I bend my knees and look straight in Arthur's eyes. After all these years I still can't have enough of them. Arthur keeps staring in my eyes just like I do in his. I wish I knew what he is thinking. Would he think the same of my eyes as I do of his? Probably not. Only Arthur's eyes are so beautiful.<br>I will visit the girl who maybe killed Arthur tomorrow. The weird thing is, I'm not afraid at all. I will get some information out of her somehow. Together with Mark and Norge we will find out who killed Arthur, I'm sure. But for today I will spent the rest of the day alone with Arthur. I will tell him more about us, he asks me about it all the time. We probably will also take some photo albums out of the bookcase and will look in them together. Today we will hold each other and watch the sunset from behind the window. Today would be filled of more pain and sadness, today we will be happy.  
>I give him a little kiss on his forehead.<br>"Come, today we will make some beautiful memories."


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

I'm standing in front of the house. I guess it would look beautiful if someone would refurbish it, but now it looks just old and odd. The paint is coming off, the flowers in the little garden in front of the house are dead and all the black curtains are closed. If Mark hadn't gave me the address I would have thought no one was living here. I exactly checked the address three times because I couldn't believe it, but this must be it. I try to look through the curtains to see if there is someoneinside, but I really can't see. I take a deep breath and push the door bell. To my surprise the bell works. I focus if I can hear anything moving inside, but I hear nothing. I count to ten and push the bell again. Again I get no response. I bite on my under lip. What if she really doesn't live here? Must I go back to Mark then? I think that is the best thing to do. But I will try it once more. Again I push the bell. This time the door flies directly open. Shocked I almost fall backward, but I'm able to hold my balance.  
>"What do you want?" the woman in the doorway says.<br>Wow. For such an ugly house this woman is super pretty. I would never have guessed such a beauty lived here. The woman has long light blond hair and dark blue eyes. She has a white ribbon in her hair and wears a blue dress. When she sees how I'm looking at her she gets a bit red.  
>"I said, what do you want?" she says this time less mad.<br>I keep staring at her. She seems one or two years younger than me, but because of Mark I know that is not the case. She is around 23, just as old Arthur was. She seems so cute, how could she possibly have killed Arthur? No, I shouldn't assess her on her outside, you never know how she is in the inside.  
>"I… I want to talk with you," I say.<br>Her red cheeks become normal again and the look in her eyes hard.  
>"About what?" she asks.<br>What should I say? What could possibly make her let me in her house?  
>"About having a large loss," I answer.<br>I see how her lips form a little miserable smile.  
>"Come in," she whispers.<br>She disappears in the dark hallway. Again I take a deep breath and then I step inside the house. Carefully I close the door, there is no way back now. I can't really see where I'm walking so I take my time to go to the living room. The only light comes from the candles that are standing here and there. When I'm in the living room the first thing I notice is the big altar. The altar is placed on a red velvet-covered table. On the table are hundreds of candles burning. In the middle of the candles stands a photo. The person in the photo is a man with blond almost white hair and purple eyes. It's almost like I'm hypnotized by the altar. The whole thing looks just so mysterious and beautiful.  
>"I do that all day," the woman says.<br>I quickly turn around. I almost forgot she was here. She is sitting in an old chair. With her hand she points at a chair I can go sit in. I willingly do so. When I'm sitting across from her I try to get my attention to her, but the altar just keeps disturbing my attention.  
>"He is beautiful, isn't he?" she asks.<br>I'm not able to say something back. For a few minutes we both just keep on staring at the altar. It's almost like I'm in some sort of trance. No wonder this woman closes her curtains all day. If it was for me, I would have done the same.  
>"So beautiful you were, my brother," she says.<br>I feel that I have to be careful with this woman. There is just something about her that gives me the creeps.  
>"So, who did you lose?" she asks.<br>For a long time I'm not able to move. I can feel how my heart starts beating fast.  
>"The person I loved the most," I say.<br>Again her lips for that little miserable smile.  
>"Me too."<br>Again a long pause falls. I must hurry up. The longer I'm here, the crazier I will get.  
>"What is your name?" I ask.<br>"Natalia," she answers without stopping looking at the altar.  
>She doesn't even ask what's mine.<br>"Do you know something about Arthur Kirkland?" I ask.  
>Her eyes look directly into mine. She is trying to read them. Who is he? What does he want? What does he know? After some time she makes her decision.<br>"Yes, we worked together at the school library," she says calmly.  
>"Were you friends?" I ask.<br>The look in her eyes gets really cold.  
>"What's with all the questions?" she asks.<br>I don't know what to say. Suddenly she rises up from her chair.  
>"Leave now!" she says.<br>I nod and rise up. Without saying another word I leave the living room. My intention is to leave then I lay my eyes on the stairs. Maybe… I can find some information upstairs. I open the door make some footstep sounds and close it again. I can hear Natalia talking to the photo.  
>"Don't worry brother. The annoying boy is gone."<br>As silently as possible I walk upstairs. It's really hard to see where the steps are so I take my time.  
>"Why didn't you love me brother? Why didn't you?" I suddenly hear Natalia scream hysterically.<br>After that I hear the sound of breaking glass and the hysterical crying of Natalia. The only thing I wish now is that I wasn't here, but there is now way back now.  
>There is no way back.<p> 


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

The shadows the candles are making seem to live their own life. I try to ignore them, even if they look like the shadow of a person with a knife, and walk further in the small hallway. I have the feeling someone is following me, watching me from behind, and hides on the moment I look over my shoulder. The floor under my feet creaks with every step I take. I'm hoping the old rotten wooden planks will be able to hold me. Then a purple door catches my eye. I carefully open it. So far this is the only room I have seen that doesn't have black curtains but white. The white curtains are really thin and are ghostly moving even thought the window is closed. I try to ignore them and look further. There are photo frames hanging on the wall but all the photos inside them are torn out and the 'protecting glass' is by all of them broken. I want to have a better look at them so I step inside the room and close the door quietly. Now that I have a better look I see that one photo isn't fully torn out yet and is hanging down with the white side towards me. I take it so I can see what is on the photo. I get the shock of my life. On the photo is Arthur. He is standing in front of my old school and is smiling towards the camera. I let it go. What relation did Arthur and Natalia have? He sure wasn't just a colleague, you don't take a photo of a colleague and hang it on your wall. That is something even friends almost never do. I let the photo frames be for what they are and continue to investigate. I open the wardrobe. At the first sight nothing special is inside, just some clothes, but when I have a better look I find a cardboard box. Before I open it I listen if Natalia still is down stairs. Yes, she is. I can still hear her hysterical crying. I slowly open the box. There are letters inside. Excited about what I found, I take one letter out and start reading it. I can't believe my eyes. It's a letter from Arthur.

'Hi Natalia,  
>I didn't want to ask you this at work but is something wrong? You have been acting weird lately. You know you're safe with me right? Whatever it is you can tell me. Since day one I have seen you as my little sister and I'm not going to watch how that bond is fading away. If you want to talk, I will be waiting for you after work in the school library. Please come, I'm really worried about you.<br>Also, how is your brother doing? Since a week you stopped talking about him.  
>Greats Arthur.'<p>

The letter itself isn't so alarming but the sentence that is written at the bottom is. With a red pen the sentence; 'Knows too much' is written. I read the letter over and put it then in my pocket. Mark must see this. Maybe he can figure out what it means. I take another letter out of the box. This time it's not Arthur's.

'Roses are red, but you don't care, do you?  
>I wish you were dead, but you do care, don't you?'<p>

I don't know what to think of the letter, or is it a letter? The first sentence makes it look like it's a love poem, but the second sentence disapproves that. This letter isn't really useful so I put it back in the box. I don't think that there are any more useful letters in the box so I put it back in the place I found it. Again I start searching. I bend my knees so I can look under the bed. Nothing there. I rise up and I look again in the wardrobe but find nothing. Maybe I should look in another room. Before I open the door I lay my ear on it to hear if Natalia still is down stairs. She must be, I still hear her crying. Carefully I open and close the door and walk further in the hallway. This time I open the door that is closest to me. When I look into the room I almost throw up. There is blood everywhere. On the floor, on the bed and even on the walls. I see blood every day in my shooting games, but seeing the real thing is something totally different. The disgusting smell also doesn't help. I step inside the room and have a closer look. I touch the blood on the walls with my fingertips. When I take them back, nothing is on them. The blood has already dried. How long has it been dry now? Eleven days? Or even more? I can't tell. I almost get a heart attack when I see something else moving in the room, but when I see it's just my mirror image I calm myself down. I have a better look at the mirror. It is broken. Some pieces are still in, some are laying on the floor. Not only the blood but also other things indicate that there was a violent fight in here. The smell in this room is killing me so I walk towards the window, slide the black curtains aside and open the window. When I look outside I see a white stone in the backyard. It that a grave? I can't see from here. I must have a closer look to find it out.  
>"What are you doing in brother's room?" suddenly Natalia screams behind me.<br>I quickly turn around and look in her eyes. Her eyes are mad with rage, but you still can see she has been crying. She has a knife in her hand. I can see how much dried blood is on it.  
>"Why didn't you love me?" she screams while running towards me, her knife aimed at my heart.<br>The only thing I can do is quickly turn around again and jump out of the window. Now that I'm falling I notice how high I am, but I can't go back now. I try to land on my feet but sadly I don't succeed. I fall so hard on my back that all the air gets pushed out of my lungs. I gasp for air. The whole world becomes blurry. I can hear how Natalia is running on the stairs. I have to get up. She will be here in a few seconds and God knows what she will do to me. I try to sit up but my back hurts too much. I try again. This time it works but it hurts like hell. I take some big breaths and rub my eyes. Finally I can see clearly again. I jumped really far. I landed next to the stone. Now I'm sure it's a grave stone. With curly letters there is something written on it.  
>'Rest in peace, brother.'<p> 


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

I'm still gasping for air, but I have no time for that. I have to get up now! I'm must run as fast as I can, but my body won't move. I see how Natalia is coming at me.  
>"Get away from brother!" she screams.<br>I wish I could. I stare at the grave. It's so sad. Natalia must have killed her brother, she _must_ have done it. There is just too much proof. But I'm not sure if she killed Arthur yet. When I see how she is coming at me now, still with the bloody knife still in her hand, I can imagine that she killed Arthur, but I don't have the proof yet. For now I will just make sure I won't get killed myself. I force myself to stand up. That already hurts so much I want to cry but I have to keep going. Natalia is really close now. I'm must hurry up or I will die here. I start running on the moment she wants to stab me in my heart, she misses. I've never seen anyone freak out this much before, it's almost like she is the devil itself.  
>"I kill you! I will kill you!" she screams, hysterical.<br>I jump over the fence and start running faster in the forest behind it. Natalia follows me, still screaming things about killing me and that I must leave her brother alone. My lungs feel like they are going to explode. I'm not going to make it. Sooner or later I can't run any further and then Natalia will stab her knife in my heart. No! I shouldn't think that way. I must have faith in myself, just like Arthur always did. Do this for Arthur! You don't want to lose him again. He needs you and you need him. You have to survive Alfred!  
>My pep talk worked. My legs are running faster now, but my lungs are still killing me. Suddenly I stumble over a root. Again I fall on my back. This time I'm not even able to gasp for air. Natalia is laughing hysterically when she comes closer. No! This can't be! I can't die here! I can't!<br>"Die! Follow my brother to the underworld!" Natalia screams.  
>I can't hold my tears in anymore.<br>"Arthur…" is whisper with my last bit of air.  
>Suddenly my eyes get blinded by white light. The only thing I can see are the contours from a tall man, a man with black wings.<br>"B-Brother…" Natalia says.  
>The person walks towards me. He bends his knees and bends over me. I look right into his eyes, his purple eyes. He has a worried look in his eyes, as one of a older brother. With his hands he strips my jacket and shirt. I would have gasped for air if I still could. Gently he give a little kiss on my chest. Immediately I can breathe again. I gasp for air and cough some times. The man carefully puts my clothes back on and rises up. He smiles at me when he starts slowly disappearing in the with light.<br>"Brother don't go! Don't go!" Natalia screams.  
>She tries to reach him with her hand, but she can't.<br>"Brother! I love you!" she screams while crying.  
>The man just gives her one look, a look you give if you've lost hope in a person, and then vanishes.<br>"Brother!" Natalia screams as loud as she can.  
>She lets herself fall to the ground. She holds herself as if she is afraid that her body parts will fall off. The only thing I can do is slowly rise up and run away, leaving a beautiful crying woman behind.<p>

When I open the door I'm not even able to say that I'm back. My heart is beating hard. I ran the whole way home. Whatever the Angel with black wings did to me, it isn't working anymore. I'm desperately gasping for air but my lungs just don't seem to hold the air in. My knees can't hold me anymore. I fall to the ground. This time I don't fall on my back but it was really close. I roll myself from my side to my back and stare at the white ceiling.  
>"Alfred?" I hear Arthur say from far away.<br>When he walks into the living room and sees me lying on the ground he drops the photo frame in his hands.  
>"Alfred!" he screams while running at me.<br>I'm still gasping for air when he comes sitting next to me and bends over me.  
>"Alfred, what is wrong?" he asks with tears in his eyes.<br>I can't say a word so I grab with my hands towards my neck as a sign I'm choking. He understands what I mean directly. I can see panic in his eyes, his beautiful green eyes. He doesn't know what to do. He looks nervously around, hoping he will find something that can help. Of course there is nothing here that can save my life so the only thing he can do is look in my eyes again. He starts crying harder. Is that because he realized I'm dying? I want to wipe his tears away but my arms can't move anymore. The world around me becomes blurred. No, I don't want to die like this, and if I have to die this way, then please, let me be able to see Arthur's face until the end. Arthur is squeezing my hand. Through his hand I can feel how his whole body is shaking. I must say it. I must say it before I die. I must form the words. I push the last bit of air out my lungs.  
>"Arthur, I love-"<br>Suddenly Arthur's lips are pressed against mine. With force Arthur blows air in my lungs. The air inside my lungs doesn't feel normal. It's tingly inside my chest. He pulls back his head, takes a deep breath and presses his lips against mine again. He does this until I can gasp for air myself. I cough and gasp more until I can breathe normally again. I want to rise up but I can't.  
>"Your back. Is your back alright?" Arthur asks.<br>I shake my head because I'm still not able to talk normally. Carefully he rolls me from my back to my chest. With his hand he softly strokes my spine. When he touches a vertebra between my shoulder blades I scream it out from pain.  
>"There it is," Arthur says.<br>Gently he kisses the place where the vertebra is. With in every kiss the pain fades away a bit more. He must be using that charm again. What was the name of it? Oh, yes. How could I forget.  
><em>The power of love.<em>


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

"What happened?" Arthur asks.  
>I turn my face towards his. He has a concerned look in his eyes, but at the same time it looks as if he is a bit mad at me. He wants the truth, that's for sure. I wish he wasn't frowning his eyebrows like that, because if he didn't he would look heavenly in the light of the moon. I roll myself on my side in my bed so I can lay my hand on his head.<br>"Tell me, what did I do wrong to get that look from you," I say.  
>For a second Arthur smiles but then he gets serious again.<br>"Please just tell me what happened. I'm really worried about you," he says with a sad undertone.  
>"You don't have to worry about me," I try to comfort him.<br>"Alfred! You almost died today! Don't you care about how I feel?" Arthur suddenly screams.  
>He roughly wipes his tears away.<br>"I thought I lost you."  
>Wow. I've never made him cry this fast. This must be my personal record. Congratulations, Alfred you dumbass.<br>"Don't cry," I say.  
>I want to hold him but he slaps my hands away.<br>"If you died today then I would be all alone again. You don't know how it is to be all alone. But you don't care about how I feel, do you?" Arthur says.  
>I feel how anger put his claws into my chest. I grab Arthur by his little shoulders a push him against me. Tears are rolling down on my face when I start screaming.<br>"That is so not true! I was almost killed today for you! You have no idea what I went though! And I'm not the one that left the other alone, you did! Have you got any idea how I felt when I heard you were murdered? No you don't! You haven't lost anyone so far so shut up!"  
>As soon as all the words came out I know I went too far. Arthur's whole body is shaking. I look in his eyes and see something I never saw before. There is so much sadness and fear in them but I can also see how hate is burning is his pupils. He pulls himself loose of my grip, gets out of my bed and runs away.<br>"I hate you!" he screams.  
>Quickly I also get out of my bed and run after him.<br>"Arthur, please. I didn't mean it," I say.  
>"No, leave me alone!" he screams.<br>Arthur has the lead but my legs are much longer than his so I'm able to catch him quickly. With my arms I push his back against my chest. Arthur madly tries to get out my grip.  
>"Let me go!" he screams.<br>I turn him around so I can look in his face.  
>"Arthur… please…" I whisper.<br>When he sees the look in my eyes he calms down, but he still is mad at me. I let him go and stare in his eyes for some time.  
>"I'm so sorry… the words just came out…" I say.<br>I rub in my eyes to wipe my tears away.  
>"I don't know what is wrong with me. Today was just so weird," I say.<br>"I… I…" I can't get out of my words and start crying harder.  
>I let myself fall to the ground. Sitting on the ground I look up to Arthur. He is also crying. The hate in his eyes disappeared. He sits next to me and puts his arms around me. Together we cry, holding each other tight.<br>"Arthur," I whisper.  
>Arthur lets me go so he can look in my eyes.<br>"Yes Alfred?" he asks.  
>I will say it now. I will say Arthur how much I love him.<br>"I… I…" I stutter.  
>Arthur looks at me, confused. Damn it, why can't I for the words?<br>"I…" I say weakly.  
>What if Arthur doesn't feel the same way? What then? Will he hate me? Will he run away? All my courage fades away.<br>"Alfred?" Arthur asks worried.  
>I take Arthur's hands and squeeze them softly.<br>"I will never leave you alone again," I say.  
>Arthur closes his eyes happily and lays his head on my chest.<br>"I know Alfred. I know," he whispers.  
>I couldn't say it. I'm such a coward. I gently stroke his head. This feels so nice. I don't want to lose this feeling.<br>"I will tell you everything tomorrow," I say.  
>"But for now, let's go to bed."<p>

"Good work, spy Alfred," Mark says happily while winking at me.  
>I'm able to make a little smile. Mark is reading Arthur's letter that I found in Natalia's house.<br>"Please be carefully with it. I pretty much put my life on the line to get it," I say.  
>And that is only mildly said. Mark nods and carefully lays the paper on the steel table.<br>"So what you are trying to say is that Natalia killed her brother and might have killed Arthur because he knew too much," Mark says.  
>I nod. I told Mark the whole story about what happened in Natalia's house. Well, except for the part two Angels saved my life. He wouldn't believe me anyway.<br>"Yes, there is just too much proof that she killed her brother. The blood in her brother's room and the grave of him in the backyard say enough," I say.  
>"Yes, but the question now is <em>why<em> she killed her brother," Mark says.  
>I don't really care why she did it. Of course I feel bad for her brother but the only thing that interests me now is if she also killed Arthur.<br>"Good question," I say as if I'm really interested.  
>Mark smiles a proud smile, as if I just admit he is the most awesome person in the world.<br>"Of course it is. So why not ask her?" he says.  
>Shocked, I look in Mark's eyes.<br>"Ask her? Are you mad or something? Just asking her would be the same as committing suicide," I say.  
>Again Mark smiles a proud smile.<br>"You think so?" he asks.  
>I don't really know what to say so I shut my mouth.<br>"Let's try it out, shall we?" he says while standing up and walking out of the room.  
>Confused I follow him. After some time walking thought the department of Murder Cases we stop in front of a high-security room. He opens the door as if there is nothing dangerous inside the room but my eyes let me know that is not the case. Mark makes a sign with his hand that I should go in first. I thought he would follow me but he quickly closes the door behind me. Shocked I look at the person sitting chained on the steel chair. When she noticed someone came in she looks up at me. The look in her eyes change from shocked to mad. She smiles the impaired smile she used to smile.<br>"Well hello there little boy."


	18. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

"Natalia…" I whisper.  
>"Good, you still remember my name," she says.<br>How could I forget. You almost killed me after all.  
>"Can I hear yours?" she asks.<br>"My name is Alfred," I try to speak as calmly as I can.  
>"Alfred, eh?" she says.<br>She smiles her impaired smile again.  
>"So, what brought you to my nice cell?" she asks.<br>I look into her eyes. For some reason I feel really bad for her. Even though she killed her brother, maybe killed Arthur and almost killed me, I want to comfort her. I don't think she was always like this. No one was born like a monster.  
>"I want to know… why you killed your brother," I say slowly.<br>I expected her to freak out by only hearing my question, but to my surprise she doesn't even respond at all. She only smiles her smile and acts like I didn't ask a question at all. I try to look in her eyes, but she refuses to stare back in mine.  
>"Natalia, if you tell me, then maybe your life isn't fully destroyed yet," I try to get a reason.<br>Still she says nothing. Suddenly I remember something.  
>"Whatever it is you can tell me," I say.<br>Shocked she immediately looks in my eyes. I said exactly the same thing as Arthur did in his letter. She noticed that. As soon as her shock came it fades away.  
>"So… you found it," she says.<br>"Don't go on to another subject. We're talking about you now," I say.  
>She looks down again. A long pause falls.<br>"Take a seat. This is going to be a long chat," she says.  
>I want to ask her what I should sit on but then I see the wooden chair in the back of the room. I take it and come sitting across from her.<br>"It started… long ago. I don't know exactly when but somehow I fell in love with my brother. Since day one I knew it was wrong, that I had to forget him, but I just couldn't. I dreamed about him day and night, always wondering how it would be if he loved me too. Slowly my heart got poisoned. I didn't see anymore how other guys kept staring at me if I passed by. I didn't noticed anymore how other guys were flirting with me. Of course I realized it somewhere in my head, but my will to get the love from my brother made me blind. I thought I had a change, we were no real family after all. I had a plan. I would work hard so I could buy him something really special some day, to show him how much I really loved him. That's when I started working at the school library and met Arthur."  
>She pauses to see what my reaction is.<br>"Please go on," I say.  
>"Don't tell me what to do," she replies, but after some minutes she starts talking again.<br>"Arthur was really nice. He really loved reading, he was happy to work in the school library. He asks me why I started working there. I told him I wanted to buy something special for the person I love. He found it a lovely idea and said he would help me to make my wish come true. Working in the school library was no punishment. I must admit I loved to work there, and I had a great time with Arthur. Almost at the end of the school year, I had enough money to buy something nice for my brother. Together Arthur and I looked for something nice. It was Arthur who found the perfect gift. It was a pendant. A pendant with a black smooth stone in the middle and two silver Angel wings on the sides. I directly was in love with it, and I was sure my brother would love it too. That day I gave the gift to my brother. I can remember how beautiful the gift-wrap was, almost as beautiful as the pendant itself. When my brother opened my gift he only looked sad. He said he couldn't accept it and gave it back to me. My heart was broken. Why couldn't he accept my love? Why couldn't he?"  
>Natalia stopped talking because she is really emotional now. I think I can understand how she feels. Being dumped is the same thing I fear for. Arthur…<br>"I felt so weird. I felt sad but also so mad. I wanted him to hold me but at the same time I wanted to let him die slowly. I didn't know what to do, so I took some painkillers. They exactly helped. Not only my body but also my heart stopped hurting. I think I swallowed at least two boxes of them. I couldn't think normally anymore. The only thing I still thought was that I had to go to my brother. That I didn't show him enough how much I loved him. But before I went upstairs I took the slaughtering knife with me. On my way to his room I could swear people were watching me from the shadows, whispering in my ear I had to do it, pushing me with their rotten hands towards my brother's room. When I opened the door I saw how my brother was sleeping. He face looked so beautiful and peaceful in the moonlight. I slowly walked into his room. My hands were sweating. When I stood beside his bed I slowly lifted my knife. The shadows were still encouraging me. Saying it was his own fault for not excepting my love. That he deserved it. I took a deep breath and stabbed him in his heart. His beautiful eyes flew open, looking at me scared and confused. He wasn't dead yet so he pulled the knife out of his chest and me pushed me aside. He mumbled something about calling the ambulance, that everything would be all right. The shadows were still encouraging me, screaming that that the job had to be done. So I grabbed my brother from behind and pushed him against the wall. He struggled a lot and screamed that I had to let him go, that I had to calm down, but there was no going back. I grabbed my knife from the ground and stabbed him in his back, and again and again. Not only the shadows found it amazing, I also found it great. My brother was crying, begging me to stop but I didn't. He never listened to me when I begged him to love me, so why would I listen? After some time my brother stopped struggling. Happy about my victory I stabbed him more. The shadows were still there, saying I did a wonderful job. When the painkillers stopped working I realized what I had done. I cried hours and hours over his dead body, begging him to come back to me."  
>Tears are falling down from Natalia's face. I don't know what to say. I'm also crying silently.<br>"But he didn't listen..."


	19. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

"Since that day… it's like… there are two me's," Natalia says with a trembling voice.  
>I wipe my tears away. Somehow Natalia seems glad I'm crying because of her story. That way she knows I feel sorry for her.<br>"You mean like two different personalities?" I ask.  
>She shakes her head.<br>"No, it's more like… sometimes someone else is in my body… like someone else is controlling my body and I can only watch… I don't know how to explain it," she says.  
>She wants to wipe her tears away but she can't because her hands are chained, so she tries to wipe them away with her shoulder.<br>"I don't want that anymore. I want myself back. I want to become the world loving person I used to be. The person I was before I fell in love with my brother, the person I was before I killed my brother."  
>She starts crying harder. I feel really bad for her. She isn't a bad person after all, she just has a psychic disorder. And that she killed her brother was the fault of a broken heart and an overdose of pills.<br>"Don't worry. I'm sure you will get psychiatric help. It's going to be all right," I try to comfort her.  
>She slowly nods. I think she doesn't really believe me.<br>"Thank you for telling me all this," I say sincerely.  
>I try to look in her eyes but she just keep staring to the ground. After some times she finally looks into my eyes.<br>"But there is still something you need to tell me," I whisper.  
>She says nothing, but she keeps staring in my eyes. I take a deep breath and ask the question.<br>"Did you kill Arthur?" I ask.  
>A long pause falls. We keep staring in each other's eyes until Natalia looks down.<br>"The 'other' me though it was the best thing to do. I already had planned everything out, Arthur just knew too much. But the 'real' me stopped me from doing it. I said to myself that I would just stop working at the school library and never would have contact with Arthur again, but Arthur had other ideas. He desperately wanted to talk to me to find out what happened. I couldn't do more than letting the phone ring and acting like I wasn't home. Because Arthur couldn't reach me these ways he started to write letters. I put all of them in a box, most of them unread. But if I did read one of them I always felt the urge to go to Arthur and tell him everything, but the 'other' me kept telling me I would end up in prison that way. So I just kept ignoring Arthur. Most of the time I was just sitting at home, outside there was a change I would meet him. I really became crazier every day. The only thing that could calm me down a bit was looking at the altar I made for my brother. The 'other' me has thought several times about killing Arthur…" she says.  
>She looks in my eyes again.<br>"But I never killed him. You've got to believe me."  
>I take a sigh of relief. I'm happy Natalia wasn't the person who killed Arthur. However, that also means I'm back to square one. Now I have no idea who killed Arthur, but at least I know Natalia's story now.<br>"I believe you," I say.  
>For the first time Natalia smiles a happy smile. A smile as it's used to be.<br>"Thank you for everything. Because of you I was able to see my brother one more time," she says.  
>That's true. The Angel with black wings was her brother, right?<br>"I'm still thinking I dreamed that, but you saw him too right?" she says.  
>I nod slowly. I still have so many questions about him. Who or what is he now? An Angel like Arthur? But why does he have black wings then? And most important, why did he save me? All these questions and no answers. But at least there is one think I can ask and get the answer of.<br>"Natalia. What is your brother's name?" I ask.  
>Again she smiles a real smile.<br>"Ivan. Ivan Braginski."

When I come home Matthew directly takes me by my hand and leads me to the couch. He sits down and pulls me next to him.  
>"Wow. What's the problem bro?" I ask confused.<br>Arthur must have heard my voice because he directly shows up. I'm shocked, what must I say when Matthew sees him? But then I remember only I can see Arthur and calm down. Matthew notices that I'm staring at something and curiously follows my gaze. He frowns his eyebrows.  
>"What are you looking at?" he asks.<br>I immediately look away from Arthur and look in Matthews face.  
>"Oh… nothing," I say.<br>Now Arthur frowns and crosses his arms. I just called him nothing, something Arthur doesn't like really much. I smile and without Matthew seeing it I wink at Arthur. Arthur's face gets a bit red and he deliberately turns his head away.  
>"So tell me Matt, why did you put me on the couch with so much force for?" I ask him.<br>Matthew notices I'm teasing him and gives me a poke in my side.  
>"Well excuse me for being concerned about you," he says.<br>"Concerned?" I ask.  
>Arthur looks at me again and gives me a 'See, I'm not the only one' look. I want to roll with my eyes but that would Matthew notice that for sure.<br>"Yes, what else can I be if I hear you screaming to yourself at night?" Matthew says.  
>Oh shit! Matthew must have heard the quarrel between Arthur and me last night.<br>"Oh… well… I just hit my foot, that was all," I lie.  
>Matthew lifts one eyebrow.<br>"You hit your foot and had to let the whole neighborhood know?" he asks not believing me.  
>"Well… yeah, it really hurt you know," I say as a weak excuse.<br>"Yeah sure," Matthew sighs.  
>I can feel how Arthur is feeling uncomfortable. He isn't the only one.<br>"You don't want to tell me, do you?" Matthew asks.  
>I don't know what to say. Shall I just admit it? No, then Matthew's little heart would be broken. Matthew keeps staring at me with a serious look. When he notices how I'm struggling with myself he shakes his head and smiles.<br>"You don't have to tell me. But I just want you to know you always can. Tell me if you feel like it," Matthew says.  
>I'm so happy Matthew is my brother. He really is sweet.<br>"Well, I've got to go now," Matthew says happily.  
>He rises up from the couch and gives me a kiss on the cheek. Before I'm able to do anything he already left. I have a really big déjà vu moment and blink a few times with my eyes. Now that Matthew is gone Arthur comes sitting next to me. Suddenly he gives me a kiss on my cheek.<br>"Hey, were was that for?" I ask all red.  
>I can clearly read jealousy on his face.<br>"Just to let you know I'm also concerned about you," he lies.  
>I smile and lay my hand on his head.<br>"Don't you mean, just to let me know you're also still here?" I say.  
>Arthur face turns all red.<br>"Y-yeah, whatever," he says.  
>Suddenly I give him a kiss on his cheek. Now he turns even more red.<br>"Don't worry Arthur. I'm also still here."


	20. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

_"Ahhh," I say while gasping for air.__  
><em>_What is happening to me? I'm so scared. Tears are dripping off my face.__  
><em>_"Please stop," I beg, but the person doesn't stop.__  
><em>_He keeps on biting my skin, leaving little red spots behind. __  
><em>_"I-it hurts," I say.__  
><em>_Suddenly the person stops.__  
><em>_"It hurts?" he asks.__  
><em>_His voice is one I've never heard before. Fear finds his way to my heart. I don't know this person. Slowly he lets his hand slip in my pants.__  
><em>_"What are you doing?" I ask afraid.__  
><em>_No, I don't want this. His hand… it's going to places it shouldn't go. I bit my lip on the moment his hand reached his goal.__  
><em>_"Ahhh," I say again.__  
><em>_More tears are falling down.__  
><em>_"Please stop. It… it feels so weird," I say.__  
><em>_"Weird?" he asks.__  
><em>_He lets his hand slip further.__  
><em>_"Maybe this feel better," he says while pushing one finger in.__  
><em>_I make a sound I didn't know I could make. It's high and sounds girly, but on the same moment manly.__  
><em>_"No, that doesn't feel better it all," I say.__  
><em>_He pushes his finger further in. Again I make the weird sound.__  
><em>_"Please stop. It hurts so much," I say.__  
><em>_"It hurts?" he asks again.__  
><em>_He takes his finger out and bends over me. I feel small and easily breakable lying under his big body. I stare in his eyes, his purple eyes that are looking at me, full of desire.__  
><em>_"You know what hurts? Being killed by your sister."_

I rise up with so much power I fall out of my bed. I land on my side and say some nasty words.  
>"Alfred? What happened?" Arthur asks.<br>He must have woken up because of all the sound I made. I try to calm myself down. It was just a dream. Well, a better word for it would be nightmare. I've never felt so scared before in my life.  
>"It's nothing. I just had… a weird dream," I say.<br>I rise up from the ground and lie next to Arthur again.  
>"I'm sorry I woke you up," I say.<br>"No, you didn't. I was already awake before you. You were making funny faces and sounds," he says.  
>My head gets all red. If I made the same sounds as I did in my dream, then my life is pretty much over. Arthur smiles by seeing my red face.<br>"What were you dreaming about anyway?" he asks.  
>Fast Alfred! You have to come up with something fast!<br>"The moon landing," I say.  
>Arthur smiles and lifts one eyebrow.<br>"The moon landing? Are you sure about that?" he says while pointing at me.  
>When I follow his finger I see what he means. I directly cover my legs with the blanket. I'm having some real problems down there.<br>"Well… the moon landing was really exciting you know?" I say.  
>Arthur can't hold his laugh in anymore. He is laughing so hard he starts crying.<br>"Yes, it was really exciting indeed," he says still laughing.  
>My face is all red. I'm so ashamed of myself. Arthur notices I'm feeling really uncomfortable and stops laughing.<br>"It's okay Alfred. Having a wet dream is normal. It happens to me all the time," he says.  
>"Yeah, you're righ- Wait what?" I say shocked.<br>Arthur smiles.  
>"Just kidding, just kidding," he says.<br>"How old were you again?" I ask.  
>"I'm thirteen now," he says.<br>"Thirteen and already making jokes like that? You little-" I say.  
>"Maybe my body is thirteen now but I think as an adult," he says<br>"Yeah right. Adult my ass," I say.  
>"Why you-" Arthur says with a big smile on his face.<br>I almost feel like I'm talking with the 'alive' Arthur again. I'm so happy everything is going well between us. Maybe I will be able to say how much I love him today.  
>"And what where you dreaming about?" I ask.<br>Arthur stops laughing and his face becomes all red.  
>"Nothing," he says.<br>Now it's me who lifts one eyebrow.  
>"Really? You dreamed of nothing at all? What a shame," I say.<br>Arthur's eyes start to look… I don't know, peaceful? I don't know how to describe it. It's almost like he's happily remembering something.  
>"Well… I did have one last night" he says.<br>"I knew it! What was it about?" I ask.  
>Arthur his face becomes even more red.<br>"You will probably find it silly," he says.  
>"Please tell me," I say.<br>"Well… I was a human again and you were playing some sort of shooting game. I asked you if you believed in Angels but you didn't fully hear me because of your headphones. I said that it was nothing but you asked me to repeat the question, so I did. Then you said you didn't believe in Angels. There was an awkward silence, but then you said you believed in me. After that I said the same and I felt really happy. I don't know what sort of dream it was. It's a bit weird, isn't it?" he say.  
>For some time I'm not able to talk. I can only look in Arthur's eyes.<br>"Alfred? What's wrong?" he asks.  
>I shake my head so I snap out of my trance.<br>"What you told me, what you dreamed about… actually happened," I say.  
>Surprised Arthur looks at me.<br>"I-it happened? You mean like… when I still was alive?" he asks.  
>"What other dreams did you have?" I ask without answering his question.<br>"W-well… most of them were about me reading books for you out loud. I thought I was just dreaming that because you told me I used to do that," he says.  
>"Can you remember what you read out loud?" I ask.<br>Arthur nods.  
>"Yes… um… I remember reading… 'Out, out, brief candle. Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player<br>That struts and frets his hour upon the stage, And then is heard no more.' Something like that," he says.  
>I can't believe what I just heard. That is exactly the thing he read for me out loud. I take his hands in mine.<br>"Arthur, please tell me everything."


	21. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

His beautiful eyes are looking at me. They are looking at me full of disbelief.  
>"You mean… those dreams are my memories?" he asks.<br>I nod slowly. He lays his hand over his mouth to hold his sobs in. I should feel sad about seeing how his beautiful eyes have to make tears again, but this time I don't feel that way at all. This aren't tears of sadness, fear or hate. These are tears of happiness.  
>"I'm so happy. So happy to remember," Arthur says while sobbing.<br>I take a tissue and give it to Arthur.  
>"Thank you," he says while taking it.<br>He dries his tears and smiles at me. By seeing his smile my heart starts beating twice as fast. I can't hold in the urge to take him in my arms and push his against my chest. Arthur seems shocked about my sudden reaction, but hugs me back. I hold him as if he will vanish for ever if I let him go. To my surprise Arthur holds me the same way. I can feel how he is breathing. His soft chest touches mine by every breath he takes. I hold Arthur tighter, but it's not enough. My hands still feel empty, my lips still feel cold. It's too much to handle. I move Arthur and myself in a way he is laying under me. I let him go and look down on my Angel. I smile by seeing how big he has already become.  
>"You are growing so fast," I say.<br>Arthur doesn't say anything back. He just keeps staring at me with confused eyes. I take his hand. I close my fingers around his hand, but he doesn't close his. Normally I would have stopped this already. I would be afraid of hurting Arthur by doing this, but now I can only think of my own interests, my own desires. Slowly I let my face come closer to his. Arthur holds his breath in. His eyes are desperately staring in mine. He wants to read them. He wants to read them so badly. Our lips are so close now, they are almost touching each other. I want to kiss him so badly, but I won't until Arthur gives me a sign he also wants it. Arthur keeps reading my eyes and when he knows what my intentions are he slowly closes his eyes. Is that a sign? Does he want it too? Now that Arthur started breathing again I can feel how close we are exactly. The air he breathes out is tickling my face. I don't know what to do. If I kiss him now, there will be no way back. So many emotions are coming up. Love for Arthur, for his pure body and soul. Hate for myself, I who didn't have the courage to tell Arthur how I've always felt. Sadness for what it all could have been. And fear. So much fear to lose Arthur again. But the love wins. The love wins over hate, sadness and fear. I close my eyes and kiss Arthur. It's only a kiss on the lips but my body feels like it's on fire. His lips are so soft, just as soft as I thought they would be. I'm so happy that I could cry, but suddenly my moment of pure happiness is broken. Arthur opens his eyes and turns his had away. It feels like I'm stabbed in my heart. I got… rejected… The fear of losing him makes heart almost stop beating. I take my hand back and go out of my bed. I turn my back towards Arthur. I don't want to see him. I don't want to see the hurt, confused or disgusted look in his eyes. I want to cry. I want to cry until I have no tears left, just as I did when Arthur died. Yes, that's right. I feel exactly the same as then. I can image why Natalia took so much painkillers. My heart is hurting so hard that I find it weird it's still beating.  
>I imagine mister Time sitting in his chair. He smiles the sick smile he always smiles. 'You did a good job putting your heart back together after Arthur died' he says. He throws the pieces of my heart at me. 'Let's see how you will fix it this time'.<br>"Alfred…" Arthur says.  
>Arthur saying my name feels like another stab in my heart. Please let it stop. Please let the pain in my heart stop.<br>"Alfred, your phone is ringing," Arthur says.  
>Now that Arthur noticed that I can hear it too. I'm not answering it. I'm not really in a mood to talk. But when my phone starts ringing again I take it. It must be something important.<br>"Hello?" I say.  
>"Hi Alfred," I hear Mark say.<br>"Hi Mark," I say with such a sad undertone Mark says nothing for a moment.  
>"Are you all right? You sound a bit…" Mark pauses to find the right word, "broken hearted".<br>"No I'm fine," I say.  
>I can hear how Arthur is moving in my bed behind me. I try to ignore him.<br>"So what did you call me for?" I ask.  
>"Oh… yes… We want you to visit the other head suspect," Mark says.<br>The silence makes clear I'm not really into visiting another crazy psyche.  
>"It's okay if you don't want to, but you would really help us a lot if you did," Mark tries to comfort me.<br>"No, it's fine. I will go visit whoever it is," I say.  
>"Good to hear. I was afraid I just lost my best spy," Mark says.<br>I can hear Norge complaining in the background. After that I can hear Mark laughing and appeasing Norge he was just kidding.  
>"I will give you the address now," Mark says.<br>"Wait a minute. I will take out a pen and paper," I say.  
>I get those things out of my nightstand and take my iPhone in my other hand so I can write with my right.<br>"I'm ready," I say.  
>"Okay, it's an address you may be familiar with," Mark says.<br>Not knowing what to say I stare to the blank paper. I can feel how Arthur is staring at my back, but I refuse to look at him. I can't wait any longer.  
>"Well?" I ask a bit rude.<br>Again a pause falls. Mark takes a deep breath before he says it.  
>"Librairie de l'amour."<p> 


	22. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

It's like my iPhone falls in slow motion. When it hits the ground it makes a loud sound.  
>"Alfred? Hey! What happened?" I can hear Mark say through my iPhone.<br>I hit the wall with my right fist as hard as I can.  
>"I knew it! I knew it all the fucking time! That fucking Frenchman-"<br>Arthur quickly comes out of my bed.  
>"Alfred, what's wrong?" he asks.<br>"I'm going to fucking kill him! I'm going to kill him with my bare hands!" he scream while still hitting the wall.  
>"Alfred…" Arthur says while crying.<br>With big steps I walk out of my room. Arthur follows me and clings on my arm.  
>"Alfred, please," Arthur says.<br>"Let me go Arthur!" I scream.  
>"But I-"<br>"I said let me fucking go!" I scream even louder.  
>Without saying another word Arthur lets me go. I storm into the living room and get the biggest shock of my life. Francis is sitting at the dining table, holding a glass of red wine in his left hand. He slowly lifts the glass to his lips and takes little gulps from the wine. His eyes are closed of enjoyment. He must love drinking wine very much. When he opens his eyes again he lays them on me. He puts his glass on the table and smiles at me.<br>"Well 'ello, mon ami" he says.  
>For some minutes I can't move, but when I overcome the shock my anger returns. I run towards Francis and jump on him. He falls off of his chair and gasps for air when his back hits the ground.<br>"What's wrong, mon ami?" he asks.  
>"What's wrong? What's wrong?" I scream into his face.<br>I lift my fist and hit him in his face with all the power I've got.  
>"Alfred!" I hear Matthew scream from far away.<br>With only one hit I've already made Francis' nose and lip bleed. It feels so good to have control over him. I'm going to fire all my anger at him. I'm going to make him pay for what he did. I lift my other fist and hit him again in the face. I do it again, and again. Suddenly Matthew grabs me from behind and drags me away from Francis.  
>"Let me go Matthew! I'm going to fucking kill him!" I scream.<br>"Alfred…" I hear Matthew say softly while crying.  
>Francis slowly stands up. With his hand he carefully touches his lip. When he takes his hand back it's covered in his own blood. For some time he stares at the blood on his hand, as if he can't believe it's his own blood, and then stares into my eyes. Now that I can look in his eyes I see how afraid he is.<br>"What's wrong with you?" he asks.  
>Now that I'm aware of what I did I feel my anger fade away. I look at Francis' face. Did I really do that? Did I made him bleed that badly? Matthew notices that I'm not going to attack Francis anymore and lets me go. He walks towards Francis and anxiously stares into his eyes. They are staring in each other's eyes so intensely that I feel even more uncomfortable being here. Francis carefully wipes the tears of Matthew away with his hand which is not covered in blood.<br>"It's okay, mon amour. We will go to the first aid and I will be fine," Francis says.  
>Slowly I begin to understand why Francis was here in the first place. I only have to look at how Francis and Matthew are staring in each other's eyes. How Matthew grabs Francis' hand and nods slowly. They are in love. By realizing this I feel like someone gives me the last killing stab in my heart. I feel how Arthur is staring at my back. I slowly turn around. When I see how Arthur shrinks back when our eyes meet, I know I went too far. I've ruined everything. I didn't only hurt Francis, I hurt all of us. Maybe Francis didn't kill Arthur at all. When I look at Francis now, when I see with how much love he holds my brother's hand, I can't imagine he killed Arthur. I just can't. I know I have to go and without saying another word I run away.<p>

"Hey, what's wrong kid?" suddenly someone asks.  
>I slowly lift my head from the table. It takes me a while before I clearly can see the man's face. Stupid alcohol. The man has white hair and red eyes. Seeing how he tries to keep his balance even though he is just standing, I assume he is as drunk as I am.<br>"Go away," I mumble.  
>Either he didn't hear me or he just ignored me, because he goes and sits across from me. He lays his eyes on the two big empty beer glasses on the table.<br>"Aren't you a bit too young to drink so much?" he asks.  
>"Fuck that. I'm fine," I say.<br>The man gets a big smile on his face.  
>"I think I'm starting to like you," he say.<br>"Fuck off. Leave me alone," I say.  
>Again he acts like he didn't hear me.<br>"So what brought you to the best pub in town?" he asks.  
>I look through the pub. The last thing I would call it is 'the best'.<br>"That's none of your business," I say.  
>"You're a hard one," he says.<br>I make a miserable smile.  
>"You too. Now go away," I say.<br>For some time he says nothing. For a moment I think he had a heart attack or something but when he suddenly kicks my leg under the table I know he didn't.  
>"Ow! Where did you do that for?" I ask mad.<br>"Because you don't appreciate the awesome me," he says.  
>I rub with my hand over the painful spot and mumble some nasty words. I stop when I see how serious the look in the man's eyes is.<br>"Seriously kid. You don't belong here. You're way too young to drink away your pain like that," he says.  
>How did he know? How did he know I only drunk so much to forget everything? To make the pain in my heart fade away.<br>"I know kid, because I did exactly the same," he says as if he read my mind.  
>I stare to the empty glasses. My view keeps getting sharp and not sharp, one after the other.<br>"I don't know what happened, but I can see you have been through a lot. But you've got to believe me, things will get better," the man says.  
>I can't say anything. I'm too drunk and too confused for that.<br>"What's your name kid?" he asks.  
>Good question. What was my name again? I try to remember but the stupid alcohol makes it a lot harder.<br>"My name is… Alfred…" I say.  
>"Nice to meet you Alfred. I'm the awesome owner of this pub. Because of that most people call me Mister Awesome, but you call me Gilbert if you want," he says.<br>I want to say something useful back, but I just can't think of anything.  
>"Go home kid. You don't belong here," he repeats.<br>I nod and rise up from my chair. Before I can take my wallet out of my pocket Gilbert stops me.  
>"You don't have to. This is my pub after all," he says.<br>Maybe I'm drunk and a totally mess, but I still can recognize the kind older brother look in Gilbert's eyes.  
>"Thank you."<p> 


	23. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

I say nothing when I come home. Matthew is sitting at the dinner table. He has the same look as an angry but patient parent would have. When he sees me he closes his eyes. He has his hands clasped. It's almost like he's praying, but I know he's not. Or maybe he is. I would pray too if I had a brother like myself.  
>"Alfred," Matthew says really calmly, but it has a sort of strong undertone in it.<br>Matthew opens his eyes slowly. The look in his eyes is one I've never seen before. It's dead serious but you can see Matthew is also really hurt inside.  
>"We need to talk," he says.<br>Without resisting or saying a word I go sit across from him. I feel like a little kid who is about to have a preach from his parents. But through my surprise Matthew says nothing at all. I look around the living room. No sign of Francis nor Arthur.  
>"Where is Francis?" I ask Matthew.<br>"He is fine. He is at home right now," he says.  
>"I see," I say.<br>Again a pause falls. What is Matthew waiting for? Does he want me to pour out my heart? It looks that way, but because I am waiting for _him_ to say something, the pause becomes longer and longer. After a long time Matthew gives up.  
>"Please Alfred. Tell me what is bothering you," he says.<br>"Bothering me? At the moment my whole fucking life. Thanks for asking," I say.  
>I wasn't my intention to be so mean to Matthew, it just came out that way. I expected Matthew to start crying, or to become angry, but to my surprise he keeps having the serious calm look.<br>"Please Alfred," he says so serious and strong there is no way out.  
>"It's just… since Arthur died… I'm not the same anymore," I say.<br>I can see how his emotions are coming up by hearing that, but he is able to keep on having the serious look. He stops clasping his hands and holds mine over the table.  
>"Alfred, I know that you went through a hard time, but you weren't his only friend you know?" he says.<br>Matthew stares to our hands for a while.  
>"I also lost him," he says.<br>For the first time since Arthur died I realize that Matthew had the same loss. Well, maybe not exactly the same loss, I'm sure Matthew wasn't in love with Arthur, but still…  
>Matthew looks in my eyes. I feel how tears are coming up by looking at how hurt he is.<br>"Please don't stay in this sadness. You got to move on. I'm sure that is what Arthur would want you to do," he says.  
>I take my hands back. Matthew seems socked by my reason.<br>"It's not that easy Matthew. I can't just forget about Arthur. I can't," I say.  
>"I didn't say you have to forget about him. You just have to move on. You have to life your live again," he says.<br>The alcohol still has effect on me. My brain takes longer to understand the words and make it into a sentence.  
>"Alfred, you have get out of your depression. If you don't you will hurt even more innocent people," Matthew says.<br>From the moment Matthew said that I release he was talking about Francis. I want to say that Francis is far away from innocent, but I shut my mouth. Suddenly Matthew rises up. His face comes closer to mine and he sniffs.  
>"As I thought. You smell like alcohol," he says.<br>I don't know what is happening. I feel so light in my head and before I realize what I'm doing I kiss Matthew. His lips are not as soft as Arthur's, but they have a nice sweet taste. I let my tongue slip into his mouth so I can have more of the sweetness. Before I can get used to the sweetness Matthew turns his head away, his face all red.  
>"Alfred, did you just… k-kiss me?" he asks all confused.<br>No, I didn't kiss Matthew. Or… did I? I grab my head. It is hurting so much. The walls are moving and I see bright colors I shouldn't see.  
>"I… I have to…" I say, but before I can finish my sentence I have to run to the bathroom and throw up.<br>It's a good thing I made it to the bathroom. I'm not just throwing up a bit, I'm throwing up everything that is in my stomach. Every time I'm thinking this hell is is over, my body makes me throw up again. When I'm done I have a horrible taste in my mouth and my body feels empty and lifeless. I have to breath evenly a few times before I'm able to flush the toilet and take some toilet paper to wipe my remnants of the food I have eaten today off my face. There is one thing I'm sure about, I will never drink again.  
>"Hey, are you okay?" Matthew asks.<br>He comes sits next to me and lays an arm on my shoulder.  
>"How much have you been drinking actually?" he asks while taking some toilet paper and wiping my mouth.<br>I try to remember but my head keeps killing me.  
>"I… don't know. Too much I guess," I say.<br>"Alcohol is poison after all," Matthew says.  
>I stare to the ground. My legs are beginning to feel cold, sitting on the cold tiles like this.<br>"I know, I know," I say.  
>For a long time the two of us say noting. Matthew just keeps on cleaning my face and the toilet. When he is done he stares at me for a while. With a light blush on his face he touches his lips with his fingers.<br>"You know Alfred, that was my first," he says.  
>First I don't know what he is talking about, but when I remember the sweetness I do.<br>"It… was?" I asks.  
>Matthew nods slowly. My face turns all red and my heart starts pounding fast.<br>"I'm so sorry! It wasn't mine intention to…" I say awkwardly.  
>Matthew shakes his hand.<br>"No need to apologize. You're totally drunk and really confused, you can't help it. And besides… it was a nice kiss," he says still touching his lips.  
>Dumb beaten I stare at Matthew. Did you just say… he enjoyed our kiss?<br>"But you have to keep this our little secret, okay?" he says with a big smile on his face.  
>I can't even nod, I am so confused.<br>"Well, you should go to bed before you do other stupid things. I will give you some acetaminophen tomorrow for your hangover," he says while helping me to stand up.  
>He helps me brushing my teeth, escorts me to my room and wishes me a good night. The thing I find in my room hurts my heart. Arthur's looking out of the window. He has the same wandering look in his eyes as he used to have when he still was alive. The white moonlight which is shining down on him makes him look heavenly. His appearance is in one word <em>breathtaking<em>. It's almost like he's a marble statue of a Greek god. No, he's too beautiful for that. But it's not these things that break my heart. It's the fact the he doesn't react on my presence at all. Silently tears drip down off my face. Don't go near him Alfred, you will only scare him away. I slowly sit down on my bed, not releasing my eyes from the Angel for a moment. Arthur slowly lifts his hand and touches the glass gently. There forms a round circle of moisture every time Arthur breathes out. I notice how our chests are going up and down in the same rhythm. After some time Arthur takes his hand off the glass.  
>"You know, I also don't believe in Angels," he says.<br>He slowly turns around. His eyes look really sad, but he has a little smile on his face. He walks towards me and goes sitting on the bed, not looking away from my face for a moment. He raises the same hand again and touches my cheek. His fingers are ice cold, but the skin under his fingertips feel really warm. The moonlight shining behind him gives me the impression he is sent from heaven. He gently starts stroking my face. I can feel how whole my body starts tingling. When he stops I feel empty inside but he makes my heart stand still when he suddenly embraces me.  
>"But I do believe in you," he whispers.<p> 


	24. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23_  
><em>**_"Where am I?" I ask myself.__  
><em>_I look around me. This place seems to be a basement. There are a lot of boxes here. Some are standing on the ground, others are stacked and make long human looking shadows on the walls. The walls are supposed to be white, but gray mold that found its way through the chinks of the house makes it hard to believe that. The only small window this room has is almost against the ceiling and is boarded up with wooden planks, so that the only light can come from the slowly swinging lamp hanging from the ceiling. The lamp is no more than a bulb with a long black wire. I follow the lamp with my eyes. It keeps swinging at the same speed, as if someone is giving it a little push every time. I look away from the hypnotic lamp. I shouldn´t freak myself out about something that small. I look at the stairs. It´s made from wood and must be old. You can almost hear the woodworms gnaw. I walk towards the stairs and carefully step on the first step. The wood creaks piteously, but the step holds me. I take another step and another, making sure every time the wood looks safe enough before I step on it. Relieved I take a deep breath when I made the top without falling or sagging through the steps. I look at the door in front of me. The gray mold made no exception for the door and has also claimed it as his. It's such a shame the mold did, because the door has a beautiful doorknob. He shines in the lamplight and has gorgeous intricate patterns. When I want to grab it I shrink back of shock. My hand… it's covered in blood. With wide open eyes I stare at the blood. Why is there blood on my hand? And whose is it? Suddenly I hear a scream coming from behind the door. Without hesitating I open the door with my bloody hand and run through the corridor.__  
><em>_"Hello? Is somebody there?" I scream while running. __  
><em>_Again someone screams. This time the sound came from above. I run to the stairs and then run upstairs, seeing flashes of the candle lights I pass while running. Wait, wasn't I here before? The candles, the stairs, they seem so familiar. I have no time to think about that because of another scream.__  
><em>_"Hey! What's going on?" I scream.__  
><em>_When I open the door the screaming came from I can feel how a cold shiver goes through my body. Natalia is stabbing someone in his back. The poor man she is stabbing is struggling as much as he can. Blood sprays in all directions.__  
><em>_"Natalia… please stop…" he says still struggling. __  
><em>_The man starts crying. He tries to turn around so he can look in Natalia her eyes, but she doesn't let him.__  
><em>_"Sister…" he whispers.__  
><em>_Slowly his energy flows out of his body. He closes his eyes and stops breathing. Suddenly Natalia stops stabbing him. For a moment I think she has also died, but she proves me wrong when she starts laughing hysterically.__  
><em>_"Go the underworld brother! Let the devil slowly cut your heart out and rip some pieces off with his teeth!" she screams hysterically.__  
><em>_Then she starts stabbing him again. I can't bear watching this, but at the same time I can't look away. She keeps stabbing him. Isn't it enough? Can't you just let the man rest in peace? As if she heard my thoughts she stops stabbing him. She lets her knife fall on the bloody ground. __  
><em>_"Brother!" she screams.__  
><em>_She turns the dead body so she can look at his face.__  
><em>_"What happened brother?" she screams.__  
><em>_For some time she seems totally confused but then reality starts to make sense to her on the moment she sees the blood on her hands.__  
><em>_"No… no way…" she whispers.__  
><em>_For some times she stares at the blood on her hands. Her whole body is shaking, tears are falling down. Then she turns her attention back to her brother.__  
><em>_"Brother! Don't leave me!" she screams.__  
><em>_She holds the dead body in her arms and presses it against herself. Her blue dress becomes even more red.__  
><em>_"Don't leave me… don't leave me…" she says.__  
><em>_She keeps begging him do not go, but as expected she gets no answer. After some time she lays her brother down and stares at his face for some time.__  
><em>_"You were so beautiful…" she whispers. __  
><em>_She starts crying harder.__  
><em>_"Why? Why did this have to happen?" she says.__  
><em>_I want to go away. I have to get out of here. Every cell in my body is screaming to me I should run away. I take a step backwards, but because of that the wood under my feet makes a loud creaky sound. Then slowly Natalia turns her face towards me. With wide open eyes she stares at me.__  
><em>_"It was you… It was you!" she screams.__  
><em>_She takes her knife from the ground and rises up. She runs towards me and lifts her knife. Before I'm able to move she stabs the knife in my heart. Overwhelming pain hits me like lightning. Directly I grab the knife and try to pull it out, but Natalia presses it further in.__  
><em>_"You killed my brother!" she screams.__  
><em>_"No, I didn't!" I scream back.__  
><em>_Suddenly I feel a killing pain in my stomach and back. When I look down I see how a bloody hand with sharp nails is stabbed through my stomach from behind. Slowly I turn my head around to see whose hand it is. When I do so, I look right into purple eyes. Black wings are around me, making me feel small and helpless. Slowly the Angel comes with his head closer to my ear. __  
><em>_"Yes… yes you did…"_

I'm directly awake. My heart is pouting fast, I feel soggy because of all my sweat and not to forget, my head is killing me. I sit up in my bed and want to start searching for acetaminophen, but then I noticed the glass of water and the little box of acetaminophen which are already standing on my nightstand. Glad, I take them and swallow an acetaminophen. My last nightmare was nothing compared to this one. It felt so real. I wonder what it means. Suddenly I notice that Arthur is not lying besides me. Quickly I get out of my bed and walk to the living room. I'm relieved when I see him sitting on the couch, looking in one of my Photo Albums. He heard me come in and looks up at me.  
>"Good morning," he says.<br>"Yeah, good morning," I say not really excited.  
>Arthur immediately hears that there is something wrong with me.<br>"What's wrong?" he asks.  
>"Oh, nothing. I've just got a hangover, that's all," I say.<br>I can see he doesn't believe me, but he doesn't insist to make me tell the truth.  
>"There is a note laying on the table for you," he says while pointing with his eyes at the note lying on the table.<br>I walk towards it and grab the note. It's from Matthew.

'Hi brother,  
>I hope you found the glass of water and the box of acetaminophen I left for you. I'm probably already at work when you read this, but I just wanted you to know you can call me if something is wrong. Just try to rest today, okay? I will be home before supper.<br>Love from your brother,  
>Matthew'<p>

He really is a sweetheart. Just as sweet as his lips. By that thought my cheeks turn red. I shouldn't think about that, it was just an incident. I can feel how Arthur's jealousy is rising.  
>"What is your brother's job anyway?" he asks.<br>By hearing that I conclude he read Matthew's note before I did. I leave the note on the table and go sit next to Arthur. I smile at him, but he just keeps staring at me with jealousy in his eyes.  
>"He works at a hospital. He is a nurse," I say.<br>"A nurse? Isn't that a girl's job?" he asks.  
>Somehow I feel a little bit hurt by hearing Arthur saying that.<br>"Men can also be nurses," I say defensive.  
>First it looks like Arthur wants to say something back but he shuts his mouth. Then he thinks of something and smiles at me.<br>"So, what is your job?" he asks.  
>"Oh… My job? I… I don't have one… yet," I say ashamed.<br>"You don't have one?" Arthur asks curious.  
>"Yes, as I said. Matthew pretty much pays everything for me. I've sworn him I will pay him everything back when I find a job, but he keeps telling me I don't have to. He probably is thinking I won't get a job anyway," I say.<br>"That's not true. I'm sure you will find a way better job than Matthew," Arthur says a bit angry.  
>"Hey, hey! It's not a competition, okay?" I say.<br>With my hand I pet Arthur's head.  
>"For now on my job will just be making you happy," I say.<br>Arthur smiles and suddenly hugs me. It's almost like he is saying I'm his and not Matthew's. He didn't see me kissing Matthew yesterday… did he? I sure hope he didn't. That would make things a lot more complicated.  
>"Thank you Alfred," he says.<br>"You're welcome," I say while giving him a little kiss on his forehead.  
>For now my job will be making you happy…<br>For now my job will be finding the person who killed you…  
>And make sure he will follow your footsteps…<p> 


	25. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

I have to talk to him. I have to talk to him in person. With big steps I'm on my way to the center of the city. On my way to 'Librairie de l'amour'. I'm not angry at the moment, I'm perfectly calm and I should stay that way. Maybe Francis acted all cute and in love with Matthew but I didn't forget our last conversation in his shop. If I ever see that little girl again I should thank her a thousand times. She probably didn't only save my life but also my virginity. Damn that was scary. It's almost like the Francis of then and the Francis with Matthew are two different people or something. By this thought I hold still for a moment. People are staring at me. They probably find it weird I was in a such a hurry and suddenly stand still. What if Francis has two personalities? Just like Natalia? No, I don't think so. He must just be acting he loves Matthew, so I get confused. If I commit a murder I should also take a new partner, that way you look less suspicious. I start walking again. I guess I have to find it out. When I'm standing in front of Librairie de l'amour I take a deep breath. Here I go. I open the door and hear a bell ring.  
>"Coming, I'm coming," I hear Francis say from far away.<br>I can hear Francis' footsteps. I get more nervous by every step he takes. When our eyes meet I first see disbelief in Francis his eyes and after that suspicion.  
>"What do you want?" he asks.<br>With his back he leans against the counter, his arms crossed. I wish I could give myself a pose like that. I feel really uncomfortable standing like this without a pose, it makes me feel tiny.  
>"I want to talk," I say.<br>I walk towards him a rise my hand.  
>"I made faults, you made faults. Now let's shake hands and make a new start," I say.<br>Francis smiles, but it's more a mocking smile then a happy smile.  
>"I made faults? I can't remember making faults," he says.<br>"Your intention was to rape me. I could easily go to the police, I even have an eyewitness," I say.  
>Francis lifts one eyebrow.<br>"Rape you? Are you sure? I was just sitting and drinking some wine," he says.  
>"No, not that time. You wanted to do that when we first met," I say.<br>Francis furrows his eyebrows.  
>"But zat <em>was<em> the first time we met," he says.  
>He doesn't remember? Or is he just playing with me?<br>"Stop acting like you don't know what I'm talking about!" I say.  
>"Really, mon ami. I 'ave no idea," he says.<br>With my hand I grab my head. I'm getting a headache from this.  
>"You know, whatever. This wasn't the thing I wanted to talk about anyway," I say.<br>"You said something about ze police. Well you should be glad I didn't go to ze police! Ze people on ze first aid only believed our lied story about my wounds because Matthew works zere!" Francis says.  
>For the first time I realize how worse my situation has gotten. Francis could have easily given me a one way trip to prison, but he didn't. Maybe the man isn't too bad after all. I feel really guilty, but I shouldn't forget he may have killed Arthur. If he did I can never forgive him. I come to the conclusion I should try to keep Francis a friend and get information out if him slowly.<br>"I know, thank you for that," I say.  
>Francis seems shocked about how regrettable my words sound. He can't believe me and tries to read my eyes. When he sees I really mean it he takes a deep breath.<br>"Don't mention it," he says slowly.  
>"I'm also… really sorry for what I did to you the other day," I say.<br>I look at his face. He doesn't have sutures, but he does have bruising in his face. I remember how blood came out of his mouth and nose. I wonder what he and Matthew told the people at the first aid. It must be a really good griffon to make the people at the first aid believe there was no violence involved.  
>"I'm just… really confused since my closest friend died," I say with a lump in my throat.<br>I feel how my emotions are coming up, and I see that Francis notices it.  
>"I think I understand," he says while laying an hand on my shoulder.<br>"A friend of mine also died recently," he says with a sad undertone.  
>I look in his eyes and see sadness. Real sadness.<br>"Who was it? May I ask," I say.  
>Francis smiles a sad smile.<br>"He worked here for some years. He was such a nice guy," he says.  
>"What was his name?" I ask dead serious.<br>Francis looks at me with suspicion.  
>"His name was Arthur. Arthur Kirkland," he says.<br>I could swear my heart stopped for a moment. So Arthur worked here. Francis seems really sad about his death, but it can also be an act. I shake Francis hand of my shoulder. I think it's the best to go now. If I ask further he may will start thinking I suspect him for murdering Arthur.  
>"I'm sorry. I must go now. Thank you for your time," I say.<br>I want to walk away but Francis stops me by barring the way.  
>"Wait, what was it you wanted to talk about?" he asks.<br>"It's nothing," I say.  
>I want to walk around Francis but suddenly he jumps on me. Together we fall to the ground. Afraid, I look in Francis' eyes, his eyes that suddenly seem to have a purple tint. I feel small and easily breakable laying under his big body. With his head he comes closer to my ear.<br>"Alfred…" he whispers.  
>I can feel how a shiver goes through my body. That voice… it's the same voice as in my nightmares. My body starts shaking.<br>"No need to be afraid… Alfred…" the voice whispers in my ear.  
>More shivers go through my body. Slowly Francis moves his head lower and bites my neck.<br>"Ahhh," I say while gasping for air.  
>But Francis doesn't stop after biting me in my neck, he also bites me in many other places of my skin, leaving little red spots behind. It's the same. It's exactly the same as in my nightmare. My nightmare, I remember it so clearly it could have happened in real life. But I don't want to live my nightmare again.<br>"Stop!" I say while slapping Francis in his face.  
>It's like Francis woke up from a dream. The purple tint in his eyes disappears and he looks down at me, confused.<br>"W-what happened?" he asks.  
>He… doesn't remember? I have to take a few deep breaths to calm myself down. Who- or whatever that was, is gone. Francis stares at the little red spots he left on my body.<br>"What happened?" he asks again.  
>Confused he stares in my eyes. He wants to read them, he wants to read them so bad. But I also don't know the answer.<br>"Nothing. Nothing happened," I say.  
>Without saying another word I rise up and run away, leaving a poor confused man behind.<p>

I can hear the sounds of talking and laughing people come out of the pub even before I'm inside. When I come inside I see what I expected. Drunk talking and laughing people and not just a few but many of them. The man I'm looking for is standing on a table. Screaming and yelling people are standing around him.  
>"One more round for the whole room!" Gilbert screams.<br>The crowd answers him with more screaming and yelling. Gilbert laughs and jumps off the table. Damn it, now I can't see him anymore. I try to make my way through the crowd.  
>"I have to talk to you!" I scream in Gilbert's ear when I finally find him.<br>The drunk didn't hear me and starts laughing in my face.  
>"Good you could come too kid!" he shouts so I can hear him.<br>He takes one big glass of beer from the bar and gives it to me.  
>"Here you go!" he says with a loud voice.<br>I remember the last time I drunk and give the glass back to him.  
>"No thanks! Can we go outside?" I yell over the sounds of the crowd.<br>Before Gilbert is able to answer me someone drags me out of the crowd, out of the pub. When I'm finally outside I can look in the man's face. He has blue eyes and blond style hair which is combed back. He also is wearing glasses.  
>"No underagers allowed," he says.<br>"Yes, I know. But I wanted to talk to Gilbert," I say impressed by the man's posture.  
>"Why did you want to talk to my brother?" he asks, one eyebrow lifted.<br>"Oh, nothing really special," I lie.  
>I can see in the man's face that he doesn't believe me.<br>"If you have problems it's better to tell me instead of my brother," he says with a friendly smile on his face.  
>He takes a little card out of his pocket and gives it to me. The card says he's a psychologist, just want I needed.<br>"Thank you sir…" I say while looking on the card to see what's his last name.  
>The man smiles and waves with his hand as if his last name isn't important.<br>"You don't have to use my last name. Just call me Ludwig" he says.  
>He raises his hand. I also raise mine and we shake hands.<br>"And I'm Alfred. Alfred F. Jones."


	26. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

I'm laying on the couch, flipping the card Ludwig gave me in my hand. Arthur is sitting in front of the couch on the ground. I asked him if he wants to sit next to me but he said he didn't mind. He is flipping through one of my Photo Albums again. Every time he sees a photo and remembers it, because he dreamed of it, he gets up and shows it to me. I'm happy he's remembered so much now. I'm hoping that one day he will remember everything. When he went through all the Photo Albums he stands up and puts them all back in the bookcase. After that he comes back and looks down at me. He stares at the card flipping in my hand and smiles.  
>"If that's all you do every day, it's no wonder you don't have a job yet," he says.<br>I smile back at him. If he starts teasing me, than why not teasing him back?  
>"You also haven't found a job yet," I say.<br>"Well… I'm an Angel. Angels don't need a job," he defends himself.  
>"I thought finding a soul mate was an Angel's job," I say.<br>Arthur shakes his head, still having a big smile on his face.  
>"Nope. That is our duty. A job and a duty are two different things. If you don't like your job you can resign. A duty is something you must do, even if you don't like it," Arthur explains.<br>"I know what the differences are between a job and a duty, wiseacre," I say while giggling.  
>Suddenly I don't find it so funny anymore. A duty is something you must do, even if you don't like it. That means that even if Arthur wants to stay by my side… he has to go. Arthur notices that something is bothering me but instead of asking what is wrong he strokes with his hand through my hair. His touch… feels so nice…<br>"What is going on in your head, Alfred?" he asks.  
>The little smile appears on my face again, though this one looks a bit sad and forced.<br>"Too many things. Things that shouldn't be bothering you, so I keep them to myself," I declare.  
>Arthur comes closer. My heart starts beating faster.<br>"Please tell me, I can make the pain fade away," he says.  
>I get a light blush on my cheeks and look, a bit ashamed, away from Arthur. You can make the pain fade away, but also yourself.<br>"No really, it's nothing," I say.  
>He still doesn't believe me but he stops asking me what's wrong. He rubs his eyes.<br>"I'm tired," he says while gaping.  
>He bends his body even more over me.<br>"Can I sleep on your chest?" he asks.  
>Without waiting for an answer he lies on my chest. My heart is beating so fast. I can't think clearly anymore. The only think I can think of is that his body is against mine, and that I want him so badly. But I've not completely lost my mind, so the only thing I do is hug him. Arthur gets a satisfied smile on his face and closes his eyes.<br>"Alfred, I can hear your heart," he whispers.  
>He opens one eye again and looks at me.<br>"It's beating so fast," he says.  
>I smile while stroking him through his hair.<br>"And who's fault would that be?" I ask.  
>A little giggle passes his lips. Arthur closes him eyes again and continues listening to my heart.<br>"I don't know, but I like listening to it," he whispers. "Because as long as I can hear your heart, I know you're with me."  
>Somehow Arthur's words make me happy. It means he also doesn't want to lose me. I keep stroking him through his hair. After some time I notice how Arthur's breathing has gotten slower, he must be asleep. To make sure I don't wake him up I stop stroking him. My eyelids are also becoming heavy. Maybe I'll also sleep for a while. I slowly close my eyes, listening to Arthur's breathing. Suddenly my iPhone is ringing. I sigh, what a timing. I carefully lay Arthur on the couch, quickly get it out of my pocket and take it. That's weird, I hear nothing.<br>"Hello?" I ask.  
>Nothing happens. Just on the moment I want to hang up I hear the voice from my nightmares.<br>"No need to be afraid… Alfred…" he whispers.  
>For the second time in two days I drop my iPhone. I swear, one day or another it will break. Quickly I take my iPhone from the ground.<br>"Who is this?" I asks.  
>The person says nothing. My hands are beginning to sweat, fear slowly finds his way through my body.<br>"Whoever you are, leave me alone," I say a bit angry.  
>I want to hang up but the voice again stops me from doing that.<br>"Don't you want to know who killed Arthur?" he asks.  
>For a moment I can't say a word. I look at my sleeping Angel. He looks so peaceful.<br>"Yes…" I answer.  
>"Good, this is what you have to do. When your brother comes home look in his left coat pocket. There will be three keys inside. If you find out which doors they can open, you will find out who killed Arthur," the voice says.<br>Confused I stare at my Angel.  
>"What do you mean?" I ask.<br>For a long time the person says nothing. After some time I start thinking he hung up or something but I know I'm wrong when I hear his voice again.  
>"No need to be afraid, Alfred. No need to be afraid…"<br>Then the person hangs up. The beeps that follows make me feel even more afraid, so I quickly also hang up. Who… was that?  
>"I'm home!" I hear Matthew say.<br>I check if Matthew woke up Arthur but Arthur is still in a deep sleep.  
>"Welcome home," I say while walking towards him.<br>Matthew looks concerned at me.  
>"You look like you have seen a ghost. What happened?" he ask.<br>Deep inside my heart I want to tell Matthew everything, but I now I can't do that. Not only wouldn't he believe he, he would also send me to a madhouse.  
>"Nothing," I lie.<br>I didn't even do my best to make it sound as if I meant it. I see in Matthew's eyes how hurt he is because I won't tell him the truth. But I can't tell him, I just _can't_. I grab his hands and stare in his eyes.  
>"I'm sorry," I say.<br>For some time Matthew keeps staring at me with that pain in his eyes, but after that he just closes his eyes and nods. I think he understands me, that he knows I can't tell him. When he opens his eyes again it's like he is a whole other person.  
>"Let prepare supper together. It will be fun," he says with a happy voice.<br>I don't really feel like making supper, but I should do this for Matthew.  
>"Alright then," I say.<br>After one last check of Arthur still is sleeping, I follow Matthew to the kitchen.  
>"So what will be made today, chef cook?" I ask Matthew.<br>Matthew smiles. I'm happy to see he still can.  
>"Nothing really special. Just some boiled potatoes, peas and chicken," he says.<br>I nod and start washing and peeling the potatoes with Matthew together. It not my favourite job, but I'm happy Matthew and I are doing something "normal" together. I still feel ashamed of myself when thinking back of our kiss. I'll never drink again, I swear.  
>"I heard you visited Francis' bookstore today," Matthew says.<br>Without looking away from the potato I'm peeling I answer Matthew.  
>"Yes. I just wanted to talk to him," I say.<br>"About what?" he says.  
>I still refuse to look in his eyes.<br>"About you," I lie.  
>Matthew says nothing, but I can feel how he's holding in his anger. He is probably thinking I have nothing to do with the relationship between Francis and him, and that I can't decide what is good for him or not.<br>"Whatever you talked about with him, Francis seemed really upset when I met him today," Matthew says.  
>So Francis went to the hospital to talk to Matthew. I wonder what he told him.<br>"Is that so?" I ask.  
>Suddenly Matthew grabs me by my shoulders and turns me hard-handed around so he can look in my face.<br>"Look at me!" he says with tears in his eyes.  
>Because of his sudden move I cut myself with my knife. The potato I was peeling dropped on the ground. When Matthew sees the deep cut in my hand his anger immediately takes place for concern.<br>"I'm so sorry! I didn't meant to…"  
>"It's okay. I will go to the bathroom to clean the wound," I say.<br>Without saying another word I walk out of the kitchen, leaving my dearest crying brother behind.


	27. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

I bite on my lip when the cool water flows through my wound. The water becomes red and vanishes through the drain of the sink. When I see that the bleeding stopped I turn off the tap and reach for the towel. I get the shock of my life when I see there is still blood on my hands, and not just a bit, they are fully covered in it. Quickly I turn the tap on and wash my hands. When I see the blood is gone I calm myself down. There is nothing to worry about. Everything is fine. But when I turn off the tap again, my hands are still covered in blood. Fear swallows me. Without hesitating I turn the tap on again. I keep washing my hands. Every time the blood vanishes in the drain, but when I take my hands out of the water they are fully covered with it again. Hysterical I wash my hands. I wash them with soap, with shampoo, with everything, but the blood just keeps coming back. I can't believe this. I look at myself at the mirror. Blue wide open eyes stare in mine. They are so open it almost looks like they are going to pop out. I look at my face. It was never this pale before. And then my hands. My hands covered in blood. I keep staring at them. Blood is dripping of them, but the amount of blood on them doesn't become less. This can't be happening! It can't! Suddenly my eyes see a movement behind me in the mirror. A dark stature is leaning against the wall behind me. Blood comes out of the whole in his chest and the cuts in his back. Blood is dripping off his black wings. Through the mirror his purple eyes are staring into mine.  
>"No need to be afraid, Alfred. No need to be afraid…" he whispers.<br>Immediately I turn around so I can look at the man's face, but to my surprise I see Matthew instead of the man.  
>"Alfred! What's wrong?" Matthew asks while running towards me.<br>It's too much. I let myself fall to the ground. Matthew is just in time to catch me before my head hits the ground. He take me in him arms and looks down at me with tears in his eyes.  
>"What's wrong Alfred? Please tell me," he whispers.<br>I also get tears in my eyes.  
>"The blood… I can't wash the blood off my hands…" I say while crying.<br>"Blood?" Matthew asks with his eyes wide open.  
>Quickly he looks at my hands. Carefully he takes one in his hand. He clasps his fingers around my hand.<br>"What blood Alfred?" he asks.  
>I stare at my hand. The blood is gone, the only thing what is left is the cut which has a nice crust on it now. I keep staring at it for a while, with my brother's arm around me, protecting me. I keep crying quietly, letting all my fear out. Slowly I clasp my fingers around Matthew's hand.<br>"What's happening to me?" I whisper.  
>Matthew's tears are dripping on my face. I don't want to see him crying. Not him, not my beloved brother.<br>"I don't know Alfred… I don't know…"

I stare at the ceiling, I just can't fall asleep. I feel like people are watching me, hiding in the shadows. I look at my right. My beautiful Angel is still in a deep sleep. I moved him from the couch to my bed. Matthew would be shocked if he wanted to sit on the couch and the couch would starts screaming. We shouldn't make that happen. Listening to Arthur's calm breathing calms me down a bit. Gently I lay one hand on his chest. Tomorrow you will be fifteen, then there will be only three days left before you've got to go. Whoever your Soul Mate is, he or she is the luckiest person in the world. Slowly I take my hand back, I don't want to wake him up. I look at his wing. I'm happy to see it's healed. With my fingertips I stroke the places where the cut was. His wing feels so soft. I wonder what it is like to have wings. I wonder what it is like to fly. But I know flying is not without dangers. Arthur has been really lucky that I found him, otherwise he may have died. Or not? Now I think of it, he is already dead, isn't he? What a weird thought. Arthur still seems so alive for me. I still can hear his heart beating, I still can see his chest going up and down to breathe, I still can feel the warmth of his body against mine, so is he really dead? And the most weird thing of all, I know Arthur's real body is lying under the ground. I saw how the coffin slowly vanished in the dug hole. It so weird to realize he is laying under the ground but also laying next to me. I think I should stop thinking about it, I'll be only more confused if I try to understand what is happening. To understand what is happening to me. I look at my hands. The blood is gone, but it all seemed so real. The blood, the man… I could swear it really happened. And… what does it mean. What is the man trying to tell me? To wash my hands better? No, that wouldn't be it, but I will be sure to wash my hands better from now on. However, today really freaked me out. Maybe I'm really turning mad. I remember the mysterious call I got today. Keys, eh? I come out of my bed, change my sweatpants and old shirt for my casual clothes and tiptoe out of my room. When I'm in the living room I go straight for Matthew's coat. With my hand I go into the right pocket of the coat. Nothing there. See, there is nothing to worry about. Or… did the man say the left pocket? Quickly I go with my hand in the left pocket. I can feel a shiver go through my body when my fingertips feel something cold. I take it in my hand at take it out of the pocket. When I open my hand to look at what I've got I can't believe my eyes. I have three keys in my hand. One of them looks really old and rusty. The other ones look almost new, but one of these two is a bit smaller than the other. Why does Matthew have these keys in his pocket? I'm really ashamed of myself for thinking the next thought, but I can't just not think about it. Did Matthew kill Arthur? I shake my head. No, it can't be. Arthur was almost family for Matthew, there is no way Matthew killed him. You don't kill your family, right? Then I think of Natalia. Okay, maybe she did but… but…  
>"Alfred? What are you doing this late?" I hear Matthew ask behind me.<br>Quickly I hide the keys in my pocket. I turn around so I can look in his face. Matthew doesn't seem angry, just concerned.  
>"I… I just couldn't sleep. I think I will be out for a walk. You know, fresh air is always good," I say, trying to not sound suspicious.<br>Matthew stares in my eyes. It seems like many people want to read my eyes these days. I wonder what Matthew is reading out of them.  
>"Oh, okay," Matthew says.<br>He gets a sad expression in his eyes and looks down. I want to hug him, but a voice inside my head stops me from doing that. Sorry Matthew, but I can't trust anybody. Not until I found out who killed Arthur. I put my jacket and coat on. I take my own keys and open the door.  
>"Well… see you later," I say.<br>Matthew doesn't make a move. He just keeps staring to the ground with that sad expression in his eyes.  
>"Yeah, see you later," he says.<br>I nod and close the door behind me. I feel bad for not telling Matthew anything, but I just can't tell him. Now that I really found these keys in his coat there is even more reason I shouldn't tell him. It's so weird. In only a few days our brother bond has almost completely disappeared. It's like a high steel wall is slowly getting built between us, slowly separating us. A few times I have to breathe deeply to control my emotions. I don't what to cry, I'm sick of it. I'm going to find out who killed Arthur before the bond between me and Matthew completely vanishes. And I'm going to tell Arthur how much I love him…  
>I will tell him… before the eighteenth day…<p> 


	28. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

I blow in my hand palms to warm them up a bit. My hands are so cold. I had to take my gloves with me. It's freezing. My hands don't really become warmer by my breath so I put my hands in my pockets to keep them a bit warmer. With my fingertips I feel the keys. The three mysterious keys. I take them out to have a look at them again. I wonder which doors they can open. I stare at the old rusty key. Do I know old houses? For some minutes I think as hard as I can, but I can't think of any. I sigh and stare at the night sky. I look at the moon, it's crescent tonight. I see three bright stars in an almost straight line. That's Orion, isn't it? And over there we have Polaris. The star that always shows us the North. I wish I could see more stars, but they are hiding behind the light of the city and the light of the moon. If it wasn't so cold I could stare for ages at the night sky. But sadly it _is_ cold, which means my butt is becoming ice on the park bench. I sigh and stand up. Not only my hands but also my butt really needs some warmth. I put the keys back in my pocket. Why does this have to be so complicated? Why doesn't the answer just come out of nowhere? Then I can go home and act normal with Matthew again. But unfortunately, I have no such luck. I keep on walking in the dark streets. I don't meet many people. Just a few who all seem in a hurry. I sigh again. Where must I go? Should I go home again? Or should I try to find more out about Arthur's death? I don't know. I really don't know.  
>"No need to be afraid…" I suddenly hear someone whisper in my ear.<br>As a reflects I turn around to see who did it, but there is no one to see. My heart beats fast. Well… at least I know now I'm on something. Why else would he, whoever he is, whisper something like that in my ear? I try to calm myself down, turn around and walk on straight forward. I would swear I heard the man giggle while walking away, but I shouldn't freak myself out more than necessary. I keep on walking, ignoring the creepy or unusual sounds I'm hearing.  
>"Here it is," I hear suddenly.<br>I look at my right, the place the voice came from, and see an old building. I look at the door lock, it's as rusty as my key. There is no doubt, this must be the old house I'm looking for. Without hesitating I take the key out of my pocket and insert the key in the door lock. I take a deep breath and turn the key. I hear a click and the door opens. It's dark inside. Really dark. I don't feel like going inside at all.  
>"Do you hear that?" the voice asks.<br>I listen but hear nothing. On the moment I open my mouth to ask what I should hear, I hear the sound of water. The sound you hear when you're showering. A shower… eh?  
>"You hear it don't you?" the voice asks.<br>"Y-yes…" I say, not being about to stop my voice from shaking.  
>"Follow the sound…" the voice says.<br>I want to ask why but my lips just won't form the words. I imagine a birth light impenetrable shield around me before I step in the house. It's all inside your had Alfred. Imagining the shield should be enough to protect me from going insane... at least, that's what I hope.  
>It's too dark to go into the living room, but there is also no need. The sound of the shower comes from upstairs, so I don't have to go inside the living room anyway. I have to force myself to walk upstairs. I can't let fear take over me. When I'm upstairs I hear the shower sounds coming for the door at the end of the hallway. I need all my courage to walk until the end of the hallway. My hand is so shaking so much that it's hard to grab the doorknob. Come on Alfred. You're almost there. After this you can get your ass out of here, go home and drink some warm coffee. But for now, you need to lay back and think of England. I open the door and look inside. I seem to be in the bathroom, but at first I'm not sure. After my eyes got used to the darkness and the silhouettes become objects I'm familiar with, I can tell I was right. The toilet and the sink seem fine, but it's the shower that gives me the creeps. I can hear the sounds of it, but it isn't on. But that isn't the only think. The shower is deposited with yellow tape with the black words 'Crime scene do not cross' on it. That and every blood splatter has his own sign board with number.<br>"You know what happened here, don't you?" the voice says.  
>Yes, I do. By realizing it I want to throw up. This is the place where Arthur was murdered. It must be. I feel how my emotions are taking over me. I must go away here, and fast.<br>"Why are you showing me this?" I ask.  
>The voice giggles.<br>"I thought you wanted to know who killed Arthur?" the voice says.  
>Suddenly I don't only hear the shower. I hear Arthur, he is screaming out of pain. I also hear another sound I don't recognize, but after some time of listening I know it can only be the sound of someone stabbing someone else. Arthur keeps screaming, begging the person to stop. I can't stand this anymore.<br>"Stop it! Make it stop!" I scream to the voice.  
>I can't hold it in anymore and start crying. This sounds. This sounds of Arthur being in a pain like that. It's the most painful thing I've ever heard. I push my hands against my ears. I don't want to hear it, but the sound stays as clearly as before.<br>"I said stop it!" I cry hysterically.  
>Suddenly the sounds stop. No screaming Arthur, no running shower, no stabbing. The voice giggles again.<br>"Well then Alfred, find everything out by yourself. I won't help you if you don't appreciate my help. I will go now," the voice speaks.  
>For a moment I think he is gone, but he still has some last words for me.<br>"And get a grip of yourself Alfred. People will start thinking…"  
>In a flash I see him standing in front of me. His black wings, he purple eyes, the blood all over his body. I almost fall backwards because of shock. As soon he appear he disappears again.<br>"You're imagining things…"

The whole night I can't sleep. I see his black stature in every shadow. Think that every little noise is his giggle. And the blood… I see it everywhere, but it's never there. The whole night I'm holding Arthur. I don't even ones think of letting him go. He doesn't wake up because of my embrace, which makes me glad. If I can't sleep that doesn't directly mean Arthur shouldn't sleep either. That and I don't want to make him worry about me. Whatever happens to me, I will be fine. When the sunlight makes his way though my window Arthur's beautiful green eyes open slowly. At first he doesn't really realize which position he is in, but when he does he gets a concerned look in his eyes.  
>"What's wrong Alfred?" he asks.<br>I slowly close my eyes and hold him tighter. The feeling of his body against mine feels really nice. He's just so warm and soft. I remember his screaming in the shower. Not only when I was washing his wing but also his screaming I heard tonight. I feel so sad. Of all people he should be the last one to be in pain like that. He doesn't deserve that because… his soul is so pure. I love everything about him, and I will always love him. Knowing we can't be together forever is the hardest thing to admit. By admitting that it's almost like my heart is torn out. He means everything to me. He _is_ my everything. Without him I'm nothing, and is there nothing for me to live for. I wonder why I didn't commit suicide when I heard Arthur died. Oh yes, I remember. It was Matthew who always told me to keep on living. That Arthur would have wished I kept on living and dreaming. Those empty promises kept me going. Tears start to drip down of my face.  
>"Why are you crying?" Arthur asks.<br>I open my eyes and look in his. Gently I lay my hand on his head. He gets a light blush on his cheeks.  
>"It's just so unfair. Of all people… why did you have to be in such a horrible pain?" I say.<br>Confused he stares in my eyes.  
>"What are you talking about?" he asks.<br>I get a little smile on my face. A smile you get when even though you're caught by darkness you see a little sparkle of hope far away.  
>"That's right. You don't remember, do you?" I say.<br>I give him a little kiss on his forehead.  
>"I hope you will never remember. I want to protect you from that pain whatever the cost may be," I say with a strong voice.<br>I see at the expression on his face he understands what I'm talking about. He also gets a little smile on his face. The except same smile as mine.  
>"Thank you Alfred…" he whispers while giving me a little kiss on my forehead.<br>"But I also don't want you to be in a pain," he says.  
>With his hand he wipes my tears away.<br>"So let's make beautiful memories together…"


	29. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

My heart is beating fast. I try to calm myself down by drinking my coffee. Matthew and I are sitting at the dining table, which isn't a thing to get all excited over. No, the reason why my heart is beating so fast is not that. It's because Matthew keeps staring at me with these… I don't know… pleased eyes? I can't tell. I see mixed feelings in his eyes. That and it makes me feel really nervous and uncomfortable. I can't handle it any more.  
>"Spit it out Matthew," I say.<br>Matthew stops sipping on his still too hot tea and gives me a confused look.  
>"Spit what out?" he asks.<br>"I know that something is bothering you, so just tell me already," I say.  
>Matthew puts his teacup on the table and smiles at me.<br>"I was just thinking, that whatever happens, I will always be there for you," he says.  
>I can feel how a light blush forms itself on my cheeks. I get touched by how sincere his words sounded.<br>"Matthew… I…" I say, but Matthew stops me from saying more by pushing one finger on my lips.  
>"It speaks for itself. Blood is thicker than water after all," Matthew says.<br>Gently I push his finger of my lips. Blood is thicker than water? Well, yes but…  
>"What do you mean by that?" I ask.<br>Matthew lifts one eyebrow.  
>"You don't know what that phrase means?" he asks.<br>I feel a bit ashamed because I really don't know it.  
>"It means that family bonds are closer than those of outsiders" Matthew explains.<br>"And by that I mean," he says while grabbing my hands. "That even if you can't tell me what is going on in your head, even if you vanish one day, even if you betray me, I will always love you."  
>I want to cry. Not because of sadness, I want to cry because of happiness. Thank God I have such a cheerful, nice, smart, and lovely brother. I don't deserve his love. He works so hard to earn enough money for us both to live. He always comforts me when I feel sad. And what did I do for him? Nothing, nothing at all. I only hurt him. Hurt him in so many ways, and I'm still hurting him today. I feel even more ashamed of myself by suggesting Matthew killed Arthur. Matthew can't have killed Arthur. My beloved brother could have never done such a thing. Matthew sees how emotional I got by his words. He lets my hands go and rises up. He walks around the table and hugs me. His embrace feel so warm, so safe. A smell finds his way to my nose. It's a nice smell, a sweet smell, Matthew's smell. It's a combination of the smell of the shampoo he uses and the smell of the vanilla tea with honey he just drunk. But what would I expect? As far as I can remember he always smelled nice. I remember when we were both kids. I wanted to show myself to the world. I liked to scream and run. Nothing was dangerous enough for me. And the things the elders said I wasn't allowed to do, I had to do as soon as possible. I was always dirty and covered with bruises. Most of the elders named me 'The little rebel'. I was proud of that name. I saw it as a triumph, because I was the only one who was given a name like that. Matthew was the complete opposite of me. He didn't want to have many eyes looking at him. He was always silent and could sit perfectly still. He avoided danger, and read some books or drew something instead of searching for danger. He didn't dare to do something he may could get punishment for. He followed all the rules and was always clean which a perfect skin. They called him 'The little Angel'. I remember how Matthew always had a cute blush on his cheeks when someone called him that. Back then I was a bit jealous. I was supposed to be the only one with a nick name, so I started teasing him. I kept repeating that being called an Angel is girly. One day I went too far and made Matthew cry because of my teasing. I always hurt him, I always did. I wake up from my memories when his nice smell vanishes. He let me go and now he's staring in my eyes again.<br>"Always remember that I love you, okay?" he says.  
>I rise up and hug him. He seems a bit surprised by my sudden action but he hugs me back without hesitating. I smell his nice smell again.<br>"I love you too," I say.  
>Suddenly I remember all kinds of memories with Matthew. The first time we met. Both our parents died so we got in a foster family. Our foster parents were almost never at home, so it was always Matthew and me. The first time I got a love letter from a girl. With bated breath we opened it together. It was a beautiful letter, but sadly I couldn't except her love. I didn't love her back. The first time we travelled together abroad. We went to Canada because Matthew was born there. It was so nice there. Matthew and I had so much fun. And these are only a few memories. I remember much more.<br>Matthew is so important to me. He is the best brother in the world. Our bond is so strong that even something as complicated as Arthur's death can't break it. Maybe we're not biological brothers, but he really is my brother. And then I remember something I don't want to remember. The first kiss. I let Matthew go but he doesn't let go of me.  
>"I love you," he says while giving me a kiss on my forehead.<br>If my face could turn more red it would have done that, but it can't. Matthew notes that I feel uncomfortable and lets me go.  
>"Remember that always," he says.<br>"I will," I say while smiling.  
>Suddenly the doorbell rings.<br>"I'm coming," Matthew says while walking towards the door.  
>Now that the warmth of my brother is gone I can feel how someone is staring at my back. I turn around and see Arthur. A really angry Arthur. His pose, his face, his eyes, everything about him tells me he is really jealous. And when I mean really jealous, I mean <em>really<em> jealous. When I look at him he refuses to look into my eyes. I want to ask what is wrong but remind myself we're in the same room as Matthew, and that Matthew will find it weird if I start talking to the wall. I hear how Matthew opens the door and after that I hear Matthew gasp. Immediately I turn around, by hearing him gasp like that I thought there would be something wrong, but when I see who's at the door I know it was false alarm. Or wasn't it? Francis is standing in the doorway. He has a big bouquet of roses with him. He gives them to Matthew.  
>"For you, mon amour," he says.<br>I can see at Matthew how surprised he is.  
>"For me? Really?" he asks.<br>"Oui. Zey are all for you," Francis says.  
>Matthew gets the smile on his face I admire so much. It's the most beautiful smile he can smile, the most happiest, and from day one I claimed it as mine. There was no one else who could make Matthew smile like that, only me. Somehow it hurts seeing that Matthew is smiling that smile now for someone else. I should be glad for Matthew. He never was in love before, and he is really lucky that Francis loves him back, but… somehow I feel like I lost Matthew. And that I lost him to Francis makes me even angrier.<br>Francis goes with his face to Matthew's. Gently Francis pushes Matthew's head closer with his hand. It's like my heart is standing still. I know what's coming. I don't want to see it, but at the same time I can't look away. When their lips almost touch each other Matthew turns his head away. I'm surprised, I didn't see _that_ coming. I know why Matthew didn't want to kiss Francis on the moment he looks into my eyes. He must be ashamed, ashamed to kiss Francis when I'm around. Francis follows Matthew and looks in my direction. When he sees me his soft expression turns into a really hard one. I just screwed up their _almost_ first kiss. Suddenly I feel a bit glad I took Matthew's first kiss. Now I will be sure that Francis can't take it from him anymore.  
>"Bonjour," Francis says.<br>I don't feel like talking to Francis at all. There are still some red marks on my body, and even if they were gone by now, I would still remember who gave them to me. I smile a fake smile.  
>"Au revoir," I say.<br>I want to turn around and go to my room but Francis' voice stops me.  
>"I want to talk to you," he says.<br>I look at him. He doesn't look angry anymore, just really serious. Matthew has stopped blushing, he's just really concerned now.  
>"I don't really feel like talking," I say.<br>"It will only take five minutes. Please," Francis says while coming in.  
>Matthew follows Francis as if he's Francis' shadow. I look at Matthew's concerned face. I sigh.<br>"Okay, but only five minutes," I say.  
>Francis seems glad I'll listen to him.<br>"I want to talk in private. I'll be back in a few minutes," Francis says to Matthew.  
>Matthew nods. I start walking, feeling how different emotions are coming up. When I turn around I see that Arthur's expression is the same as Matthew's. His jealousy fade away to take place for concern. When Francis and I are in my room I close the door.<br>"So, what did you want to talk about?" I get to the point.  
>I see how Francis is trying to give himself a pose, but that's really hard when you have nothing to lean against. Something I experienced myself.<br>"Look, I don't know what 'appened at my shop. Ze only zing I know is zat Matzew must never hear about it," he says.  
>He waits for me to say something, but I don't say a word. I feel how uncomfortable he is feeling.<br>"Please. I love Matzew so much. I don't want to lose him," Francis says with a bit trembling voice.  
>I don't want to believe him. I know Francis isn't a normal man. Danger surrounds him. But I do believe him. His words… it's like he really means it. I sigh again.<br>"Okay, I won't tell Matthew," I say.  
>Francis' face turns a bit happier. "Zank you so much."<br>"Yeah, whatever," I spit out.  
>I want to walk away but suddenly Francis pushes me with force against the wall.<br>"Ow! What's your probl-" I lost my voice as I look in his eyes.  
>His eyes… they've turned purple again. With his face him comes closer to my ear and then I hear <em>the voice<em>. The voice of my nightmares. The voice that makes me feel as if I'm an ant, an ant who is going to be downtrodden.  
>"Missed me?"<p> 


	30. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

Fear is holding me in a vice-like grip. Fear's hands are so cold, so strong, so dead. With them he squeezes my trachea, making it hard for me to breathe. Francis goes lower with his head and kisses my neck. A cold shiver goes though my body.  
>"No need to be afraid," he whispers but fear doesn't let me go.<br>I have to scream. If I scream Matthew will come and take my fear away, but I can't scream, I can't breathe. Another kiss follows. No, I want him to stop! His kisses feel so disgusting, yet… exciting. I'm angry about how my body reacts. It wants to be touched, loved, taken. Francis goes with his hand under my shirt. He lays his hand on the left side of my chest. He smiles.  
>"I can feel you heart," he whispers.<br>With his nose he strokes my jawline. He stops stroking when he reaches my chin. He looks up at me and looks in my eyes. His eyes are still purple. I feel like they are staring into my soul, and maybe that really is the case.  
>"And from today on, your heart will belong to me," the voice of my nightmares whispers.<br>With his other hand he goes to my lips. He touches my lips with two fingers. He gets a pleased look in his eyes.  
>"I've wanted to touch them for so long," he says.<br>He lets his fingers slip into my mouth. I want to bite them as hard as I can, but I don't. It's like I'm in some sort of trance. Slowly my fear is fading away and takes place for pleasure. I want to hear the voice of my nightmares whisper my name, I want him to enter me, but those feeling aren't coming from the inside. These are coming from the outside and are making their way to my heart from Francis' hand. My brain is telling to me I have to hit Francis in the face and run away, but those feelings just won't let me do it. It's almost like he has me under a spell. So I start licking and sucking his fingers.  
>"Good boy," the voice says.<br>I should be scared, so scared, but I'm not. I know where his fingers will go next. When I realize how hopeless I am I want to cry, but these feelings won't even allow that. I get sick by the idea I can't stop Francis, but I get even more sick by the idea I will enjoy his plans. When Francis takes his finger out they are covered in my saliva. I thought he would directly go for his target but to my surprise he doesn't. Instead of that he puts his fingers in his own mouth. He licks and sucks on them as I did. The way he licks and sucks them make me feel dizzy. When he takes them out of his mouth there is even more saliva on them. He gets an evil grin on his face.  
>"You're so tasty," he says.<br>With his face he comes closer to mine.  
>"I want more."<br>For a moment it looks like he is going to kiss me, but then he goes to my neck again and starts licking it. To my own shame I let out a moan. Suddenly he bites me. I want to scream, but I can't even whisper. All my nerves scream out in pain, but at the same time those feelings give me so much pleasure. When Francis stops he leaves a big mark behind. It isn't bleeding but if he would have bitten me just a bit harder it would. He stares into my eyes again. It's almost like I got sucked into his eyes. It's like they are my whole world. But then I remember Arthur's eyes. No, Francis' eyes or whoever they belong to aren't my everything, Arthur's are. Somehow he must have read my thoughts because he gets a cold look in his eyes.  
>"So I'm not your everything?" he says.<br>He smiles his evil looking smile again.  
>"Let's see if you still think that after this."<br>With force he pushes his lips against mine. He lets his tongue slip into my mouth. The inside me is crying but the outside me kissing him back. He tastes like wine. Sweet sweet wine. Slowly I'm forgetting everything, there is just him and me. I try to fight it, but every second I forget more, forget more about Arthur. I try to remember his smile, his soft skin, his beautiful eyes, but after some time I forget who I was trying to remember. Francis keeps kissing me and I'm still kissing him back. Our tongues are moving in a way which makes my heart beat twice as fast. I'm thinking it must be a spell but even that I forget. Suddenly Francis lets me go. Irritated he looks away from me. I turn my head so I can see what he is looking at. There is a child standing in the doorway. I can't believe my eyes. The child… has wings. White beautiful wings. I rub in my eyes. I must be dreaming. Angels don't exist… or do they? I keep staring at the child. He has blond messy hair, but some way it suits him and makes him look cute. His skin looks so soft, I feel the urge to touch it. Tears are dripping down his face. Who or what is he? And why is he crying? When I look in his green eyes it's almost like someone slapped me in the face. I remember everything, I remember _him_.  
>"Arthur…" I whisper.<br>He turns around and runs away. Fear of losing him snaps me out of my trance.  
>"Arthur!" I scream.<br>Francis slaps me in the face. This time it's not fear who holds me in a vice-like grip, Francis is.  
>"After everything I did! After I tried the strongest spells on you! How can you still love him? How do you even remember his name to start with? Tell me!" he screams in my face.<br>I can hear how Arthur is running away and how Matthew's footsteps are coming closer.  
>"What's wrong you guys?" I hear Matthew say worried.<br>Francis looks at the open door with a 'shit' expression on his face. Then Francis looks at me again. He has a look in his eyes which make me feel if I'm going to die.  
>"You're not rid of me yet," he whispers so Matthew can't hear him.<br>He gets his evil grin on his face.  
>"Someday you will love me, just you wait."<br>The purple in his eyes vanishes and they have their normal colour blue again. It takes some time before Francis realizes what he's doing but it's already too late. Matthew is standing in the doorway. He gasps for air when he sees how Francis is choking me.  
>"Francis!" he screams while crying.<br>He runs towards us and tries to get Francis' hands off my throat. I try to breath but almost no air can go through my trachea.  
>"What's wrong with you! Let him go! He's dying!" Matthew cries.<br>Finally Francis has control of his body again and lets my throat go. He's staring at me. I've never seen someone as confused as he is now in my life. Matthew keeps screaming to him.  
>"What were you thinking?" he screams hysterical.<br>Slowly Francis turns his head towards Matthew. Francis looks at Matthew as if he's a stranger. I can see how broken Francis is. He has no idea what happened, no idea at all.  
>"It was my fault," I say.<br>Now both men are looking at me, both with a confused look in their eyes.  
>"I said you," I say while looking at Matthew. "Deserved someone better than him."<br>Now I look at Francis who still has his confused expression on his face.  
>"Sorry man, I had no idea that would hurt you so deeply."<br>A painful silence follows. Both men keep staring at me. They don't seem to believe me, but then Matthew breaks the ice.  
>"You have not got the right to decide what is good for me or not!" he says angry.<br>I want to say he's wrong, that I never would do that, but I have to keep my act on.  
>"I'm sorry. I won't do it ever again," I say.<br>Matthew is still angry but he calmed down a bit. Now he screams to Francis again.  
>"Even if Alfred says terrible things, you are never allowed to hurt him! Got that?"<br>Francis can only nod slowly. He still has no idea what's going on. Matthew sighs and wipes his tear away.  
>"Really, you two are…"<br>Matthew doesn't finish his sentence but I'm pretty sure he was going to say something bad. Matthew rises up and looks down at us.  
>"Francis, I think it's better if you go home," he says.<br>Francis is still confused, but he understands that much. He rises up too and walks away without saying a word. In the time Matthew is looking at him I make sure the mark in my neck is hidden. I don't want Matthew to know what happened. I rise up too and walk away.  
>"Where are you going?" Matthew asks.<br>I stop and look over my shoulder. Matthew seems to be at his limit.  
>"I'm going to get some fresh air," I say.<br>I see in Matthew's face he doesn't believe a word of what I said, but he doesn't refuse. Without saying another word I go outside. I look at my left, then at my right. No one to see. I try my best to hold in my tears but I can´t help that one little tear leaves the corner of my eye.  
>"Arthur, where did you go?"<p> 


	31. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

I keep running, running away from the person who gave me so much love but also hurt me in so many ways. It feels nice to run. I don't have to think of anything and the regular rhythm of my feet calms me down a bit. But it doesn't make the pain in my heart go away. My heart… the most awful pain is stabbing it. I'm worried if it's still beating. While running I lay a hand on my chest. Yes, I can feel it. My heart is still beating. It's even beating really fast. While listening to the rhythm of my feet and feeling the beating of my heart I realize how alive I feel. But that just makes no sense. I'm dead, aren't I? How can I be running? How can my heart still be working? And how… can I feel the urge to commit suicide if I'm already dead? I just don't know and there seems no way to figure it out. I stop running, I'm finally there. The gravel under my feet crisps a bit with every step I take. When I'm standing in front of the grave I stop. This is it, this is _my_ grave. I walk forwards so I can touch the marble looking stone. When my fingertips touch it a cold shiver goes through my body. It's so weird to know my _real_ body is lying here. I wonder what my body looks like at the moment. My eyes are probably closed and maybe my hands are folded, resting on my stomach. If I could open my coffin, then what would I see? Would my body be covered in cuts? Or will I only see one hole in my chest? I don't know. I don't know how I was killed, and derived from Alfred it's better I don't. I get sick by the idea little insects are eating my flesh. Are they doing that right now or did gray took the job of eating my body away? I don't want to think about it. It all seems so unreal. The flowers lying on my grave are almost at their limit. They aren't as colorful as they used to be and are becoming a little limp. With my hands I touch the ground, the ground my body is lying under. My tears make little mud drops.  
>"Tell me," I whisper to my dead body lying under the ground.<br>More tears drip on the ground.  
>"Who am I?"<br>This question has been in my head for so long. Is the body lying in this ground myself or am I myself? And if I'm not myself then who am I? And who is myself? I get no answer so I keep on asking.  
>"This pain in my heart," I say while laying one hand on my chest. "Why am I feeling this?"<br>I must be crazy. Who would start talking to a dead body, and especially when it's your own. I get no answer, as expected. With my nails I scratch my chest's left, leaving bleeding cuts behind. I almost don't feel the pain, rather the only pain comes from the inside. Again I scratch my chest, making the cuts deeper. I can feel the open flesh against my fingertips. I shouldn't make myself bleed, but there is just no other way to get rid of these upcoming emotions.  
>"Why…" I'm not able to finish my sentence.<br>I keep scratching my chest, making my cuts even deeper. Now not only my tears but also my blood is dripping on the ground. I cry harder, I never knew I could cry this hard. By looking down at my chest I stop scratching myself. I've hurt myself really badly. I look at the blood on my hand. There's so much. I can even see some flesh under my nails. My blood… the blood that goes through my heart day in day out. I have to show it. I want people to see my pain. With my fingertip I draw a little red heart of blood on my white gravestone.  
>"Alfred…"<br>By saying his name I see him kissing that man again. It's a passionate kiss. A _long_ passionate kiss. The two have their eyes closed and are holding each other as if they will die if they let go. Time passes and by every second it gets more painful to watch. When they let each other go the man stares at me. He's not just staring at the door that opened 'itself', he's staring at _me_. The man isn't only able to see me, his purple eyes are looking right into my soul. He gets a little smile on his face when he finds all the pain inside my heart. Then Alfred looks at me. His blue eyes are looking at me, but somehow he doesn't seem to recognize me. This changes when he looks into my eyes. He whispers my name. 'Arthur…'  
>I put my hand that's not covered in blood over my mouth to stifle my sobs. Who is that man? Does Alfred love him? Does he<em>really<em> love him? And all this time I thought Alfred loved me. Why did he kiss me then? Was that only to fulfill his needs? I feel how puke is coming up so I swallow a few times to make it go away. Was I only a thing for him? Have I been telling myself lies by thinking he really cared for me? That he really loved me? I don't know, I really don't know. Since the day I jumped off that flat Alfred has been my everything. His warm gentle touch which makes me feel safe, his voice which can say the sweetest words, his smile which makes my heart beat twice as fast, his beautiful bright blue eyes I could stare in for hours, he's my everything. I lost him to a man who suddenly showed up, and only by remembering their kiss I know there will be no way to get Alfred back.  
>"What should I do?" I asks to the emptiness around me.<br>Maybe it's all my fault. If I hadn't interrupted our kiss he may still would love me… if he ever did. But what else should I have done? It all went so fast and… somehow, a voice inside my head told me I didn't have to forget my duty, my duty as an Angel. I wipe my tears away. There is no need to cry, because even if I didn't interrupt our kiss, even if he would love me, I would have to leave him anyway. My duty as Angel is calling me. Somewhere there is somebody waiting for me. Waiting for me to find her or him and become Soul Mates. I don't feel like looking for that person at all, but I _must_. I remember my own words. 'A duty is something you must do, even if you don't like it.' That's right, maybe there is a reason to keep on living this Angel life, even though I know my feeling for Alfred won't change. At least I have to let him know I love him before I leave him forever, but how will I be able to tell him? I can't say it to him face to face. I know I can't. Not only would I cry so hysterically that I wouldn't be able to say a word but also my heart would be even more broken. I don't want that, so I should find another way to tell him. Suddenly a blow passes me. In the wind I hear the sound of flipping paper. I look at my left and see a book lying on a table next to the door of the building where the funeral ceremonies are held. I rise up and walk towards it. When I'm closer I see it's a book where all people are allowed to write in. There is a little sign on the table that says: 'Write here the last goodbye words for your deceased.' With my not bloody hand I flip through the book. So many people wrote a last goodbye. Some have really long goodbyes, telling the deceased how beautiful, wise, good hearted, funny or something else he or she was. Others are shorter, just a few words about how much the deceased will be missed by the writer of the last goodbye. I flip further until I find empty pages. I rip one of the empty pages out. I feel bad for doing that to such a… almost 'holy' book but I have just no other options. I take the pen which is fixed on the table with a long solid wire and write my last goodbye. When I'm done I have tears in my eyes again. I walk back to my grave and lay it under some flowers so that my last goodbye won't be blown away by the wind. I keep standing by my grave for some more minutes. I look at the little red heart I made of my own blood on my gravestone. If Alfred passes by he will directly understand it and my last goodbye letter will make it even more clear.  
>"I think I won't see you in a while…" I say to the me under the ground.<br>I wipe my tears away.  
>"But I'll visit you again sometime… I swear."<br>I get no response but somehow I'm able to make a little smile. I walk towards my gravestone and bend my knees. I give the stone a little kiss were I drew the heart. The stone feels cold.  
><em>It's like a frozen kiss…<em>


	32. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

Think Alfred! Think! Where could Arthur be? I try my best, but can't think of anything. It's so frustrating knowing that every minute, no, every second I waste makes the distance between me and Arthur longer. If I don't find him, if I don't come up with something really fast, I may lose him forever. Only thinking of that makes me want to cry my heart out, but I have no time for that. With my fist I hit the wall closest to me. People are staring at me, but don't dare to say something to me. Again I hit the wall.  
>"Shit Alfred! Think hard!" I scream to myself.<br>The people around me hurry up and act like I'm nobody. I don't care. I don't care what they think of me. I don't give a shit. No, the only thing that matters now is Arthur. If I don't find him…  
>"Are you okay?" I hear a low voice say.<br>I turn around and look in the face of a big man, someone you shouldn't begin a fight with. I don't know him, but somehow I get the feeling I don't want to know him. I say nothing and keep staring at the bloke's face, which is really rude.  
>"Because you know, that is one wall of my house you're hitting," he says.<br>Without saying something I run away. The last thing I want is to fight him. I have no time for that, plus I think the change I will win from such a bloke is really small.  
>"Yeah, run away you coward!" I hear the bloke scream.<br>I don't care what he says, what he thinks of me. The only thing that matters is Arthur. I keep on running, not knowing where I'm going. I wish I was invisible, just like Arthur. I hate it that all those people are staring at me. Have they never seen someone run before? Geez.  
>Why am I thinking about that? Focus Alfred! Focus! Where could Arthur be? I don't know, I really don't know. I stop running and lean against a wall. I have to calm down. I can't think straight this way. So, if I were Arthur… where would I go? I think as hard as I can and after some time I suddenly know the answer. The cemetery! Why didn't I come up with that earlier? Without hesitating I start running to the cemetery. My heart is beating really fast. With my whole heart I'm hoping I'm not too late. Because if I am… I don't know how to keep on living. My legs are beginning to complain, but I can't stop running now. I'm almost there… almost…<br>The gravel is crisping really loud under my feet. I keep on running until I'm standing in front of Arthur grave. My body starts trembling. I see Mister Time sitting in his chair. He looks down at me with a big grin on his face. 'Too late,' he says while throwing the pieces of my heart at me. Arthur… isn't here.  
>I want to cry so hard, so badly and because I can't see anything good in this situation I let myself fall to the ground and start crying. Tears keep coming up but there is no one to comfort me, no one who sees me crying. No, I was wrong. Mister Time is still looking at me. He rises up from his chair and walks towards me. He isn't grinning anymore, now he just seems bored. 'You're pathetic,' he says while kicking me with his hard shoe in my stomach. 'Look at you!' He moves his face closer to mine. 'You're even not worth dying.' I try to stop crying. Somehow Mister Time is right. Crying isn't going to help me. Instead of crying I should try to find Arthur. I wipe my tears away and slowly rises up. 'I see, you're taking at as a man,' Mister Time says. He smiles his big grin again. He lays one hand on my chest which takes my breath away. His fingers are so cold, so killing. 'But remember, it doesn't matter how many times you try to fix your heart. I will be always there to break it again.'<br>"Fuck off!" I scream to air.  
>On the moment I screamed Mister Time vanished. I shake my head. Knock it off Alfred. Mister Time is just one of your fictions. He isn't real and I shouldn't make myself even more crazy. Suddenly my eye falls on Arthur's grave. Someone drew a little red heart on it. Confused I look at it. I take a few steps forward and touch the stone. When I take my hand back there is a bit of the red stuff on my fingertips. What is it? I move my fingertips closer to my nose and smell them. When the smell finds its way through my nose I feel how puke is coming up. Immediately I turn my head away from my hand. That smell… it's blood… Is it Arthur's? The most terrifying fear takes over my heart. In my whole life I've never been this scared. My nightmares are nothing compared to this. Why… is Arthur bleeding? I stare at the little heart on the grave. Why? Why did he draw that? Then my eye falls on the piece of paper laying under dying gladiolus. Without hesitating I take the paper. There is something written on it. That handwriting… it's Arthur's.<p>

'Dear Alfred,  
>This is my last goodbye. We probably will never see each other again. I saw how you kissed that man. Only by looking at you two I knew it was pure love. I hope you two will have a happy and long life together.<br>Don't worry about me. I know there is someone waiting for me, my soul mate. My duty is calling me. Thank you for everything. I will never forget our beautiful memories, not again. You will probably forget them fast because you're going to make so many more and even more beautiful memories with your lover, but please keep this letter so there will be a little something that reminds you of me.  
>I've been wanting to tell you this for a long time but I never could because there is no way I could describe how beautiful you are, how your touch makes me feel like I'm in heaven, how I want to be always with you. Even the most beautiful words won't be enough to describe how I feel, but for now I will just keep it by those words.<br>I love you, goodbye.'

I don't know what happened but I can feel the cold ground under me and my tears dripping down of my face. I hear someone's footsteps. They are coming closer. When they stop I look right in the face of Mister Time. This time he looks at me as if I'm disgusting him. Which his hard shoe nose he kicks me again. I can't even feel the pain. The only pain is coming from the inside. He keeps staring at me for some time but then turns around and walks away.  
>'Pathetic.'<p> 


	33. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

I stare at the photo in my hand. It was a sunny day back then. So sunny and warm. Of course the bright blue sky on the photo reminds me of the warmth, but the thing which makes me feel warm inside is not that. It's Alfred's smile. It's happy and warm. On the photo he has one arm laying on my shoulder. With his free hand he is making a peace sign at the camera. I'm not looking at the camera. Slightly embarrassed I'm looking away from it, but if you look closer you will see there is a little smile on my face. Even though it's just a little smile I wish I could smile that smile now too. How long ago have I been smiling? I don't remember. Alfred and I aren't the only ones in the photo. Arthur is there too. He is standing on the other side of Alfred. He is looking at the camera but has a annoyed expression on his face. But again. If you have a better look you can see the happiness inside his eyes. How long has it been since I saw those eyes? I don't remember. With my fingertip I cover Arthur's face.  
>"You're gone now, aren't you?" I say. "But still…"<br>I take back my hand. Those happy eyes are staring at me again.  
>"You just don't seem do disappear."<br>Of course the photo says nothing back but talking to it makes me feel a little bit better.  
>"Alfred keeps going to your grave and even though I can't read his mind I know he is thinking about you all the time. Now that you're gone… you have taken an even bigger part of his life. It would be so much better for Alfred…"<br>Again I cover Arthur's face with my fingertip.  
>"If he would forget about you and go on living his own life."<br>For some minutes I say nothing. It may seems mean of me, but it really would be the best for Alfred and I know that if Arthur would be me he would have the same thoughts. Arthur and I would both do everything for Alfred. Everything to keep him safe, everything to comfort him, everything to make him happy.  
>"So why won't you just vanish?" I say while ripping photo in half.<br>The ripping makes a loud rough sound. I like it. When I'm done I have two pieces of the photo in my hands. One with Alfred and me on it and the other with Arthur on it. The photo piece with Arthur on it I rip into smaller pieces. When I'm done I throw the pieces in the trash bin. Now I only have the photo piece with Alfred and me on it. On the photo Alfred is still smiling, but now only for me. I get overwhelmed by jealousy. Why Alfred? Why can't you smile only for me? As sudden as the jealously came up it vanishes again. Now that I don't feel jealous anymore I realize what I've done. I didn't only rip Alfred's friend in pieces but also my own. How can I have done that? I'm so ashamed of myself. What am I, a monster? Who does such horrible things? It's not like Arthur can help it that he was murdered. It's not his fault, not his fault at all. I rip the photo piece of Alfred and me in two. When I'm done I rip the piece with me on it in smaller pieces and throw them in the trash bin. There is now only Alfred left. He is still smiling, but he's smiling for nobody. I feel like ripping this piece too but I don't. No one has the right to make his smile vanish, not even I. I lay what's left from the photo on the table in front of me and stare at it. Yes, it's right this way. Alfred is still smiling but he is smiling for himself. He isn't living his life for Arthur nor for me. This is as it should be.  
>"Please become this way Alfred," I whisper to the photo.<br>I rise up from the chair I have been sitting on and look around. It's like my eyes are sucked by the red roses standing on the coffee table.  
>"Francis…" I whisper.<br>Different emotions are coming up. I'm so confused. First Alfred starts fighting Francis. A few days later I find them in a position as if they have been kissing. I have no idea what's going on between them. Where they really fighting because of me? I don't think so. Alfred cares about me but he isn't a person who decides which people I should get along with. And Francis, what is going on in his head? Does he really love me, or does he only see me as a toy? I don't know, but deep inside I don't want to know. I don't care if he doesn't love me. I need somebody to spent the rest of my life with, and I know it can't be Alfred. I don't mind if Francis has other lovers, I just want to be loved. No one has ever liked me, so I'm glad that finally somebody is paying attention to me, even if he does that with the wrong intentions. But who am I to think that? Isn't making Francis my lover only because I'm afraid of being alone wrong too? Or do I really love him? I can't tell. It's true I feel something for Francis, but I don't know if I'm really in love. It's all just so complicated.  
>I look away from the roses. They are just too painful look at. Instead of that I look at the clock on the wall. Is it already this late? Alfred has been away for some a long time now. I'm getting worried. Maybe I should call him. When I do so I hear Alfred's iPhone ringing in his room. How stupid of me to think he took it with him. Now that I can't contact him I get even more worried. I get shocked by the sudden thunder of lightning. Now that I'm listening to the weather I hear that it is raining too. Oh Alfred, why aren't you home yet? I'm too worried. I must start looking for him. I put my jacket on and go outside.<br>"Damn it!" I say when I'm outside.  
>It's already dark outside and it's raining like hell. Perfect timing as always Alfred. I shake my head. The rain doesn't matter. I have to find Alfred. Where could he be? After a second thunder the answer pops in my head. The cemetery of course! I start running. It's hard to see where I'm going in the rain but fortunately I can even make my way through my neighborhood blindfolded. When I arrive at the cemetery a third thunderbolt strikes. By the light flash I see how Alfred is laying on the ground in front of Arthur's grave.<br>"Alfred!" I scream while running towards him.  
>When I'm standing next to him I bend my knees and take my wet brother in my arms. A shiver goes through my body by feeling how cold he is. His face looks so pale. His eyes are wide open but he doesn't seem to see me.<br>"Alfred!" I scream.  
>I get no reaction. Is he… dead? I feel like someone stabbed me in my heart. Raindrops and tears are dripping of my face.<br>"Alfred! Wake up! Look at me!" I scream hysterical.  
>I'm so relieved when I see how Alfred is trying to stroke my face with his cold hand. He's not dead. He's not dead! He is too weak to touch me so he stops trying it and looks into my eyes, but he still doesn't seem to recognize me yet.<br>"Arthur…" he says.  
>I feel how my body starts feeling really cold, but that's not because of the weather. I keep staring into Alfred's eyes. He's just really confused, otherwise he would never see me for Arthur. I take one of his hands into mine and squeeze him a bit.<br>"No Alfred, Arthur is dead," I say.  
>Alfred shakes his head. He still has the same glazed look in his eyes.<br>"You're just confused. Let's go home," I say.  
>Alfred keeps shaking his head.<br>"Don't leave me Arthur…" he says.  
>I can feel how anger takes over my body.<br>"He is dead Alfred! He is dead and he will never come back! Snap out of it! Keep on living your own life Alfred! Arthur is dead!" I scream.  
>I don't know where my anger came from but it's already too late. I said those words and there is no way to take them back. For the first time Alfred look seems normal again. Well… normal? I can see he recognizes me but somehow he looks really old. As if he turned into a old man who went through a lot and is sick of living.<br>"Yes Matthew," he says.  
>Because of the rain it's hard to see if the waterdrops on his face are raindrops or tears but by looking at him I know he started crying.<br>"Arthur's dead…"


	34. Chapter 33

**Chapter 33**

I am blinded by the bright light.  
>"Hey, are you okay Alfred?" Matthew asks.<br>After the darkness outside my eyes need to get used to all the light inside. Slowly I get used to the light and after some time I can clearly see the worried expression on Matthew's face.  
>"I wouldn't say okay but I guess I could feel even worse," I say.<br>I look right into Matthew's eyes. I get shocked by reading how hurt he feels.  
>"I'm sorry Matt. I didn't want to hurt your feelings," I say.<br>Suddenly I get embraced by Matthew. His wet clothes feel weird against mine, but I can feel the warmth of his body coming through. He is holding me so tight. His body is shaking against mine. He is crying silently.  
>"No, it's not your fault," he says.<br>Of course I embrace him back. I want to comfort him, but I don't really know how. So I just hold him tight, hoping that will make him feel comfortable. After some time his body stops shaking and he lets me go. He wipes his tears away and tries to make a little smile.  
>"Let's change our clothes. I'm freezing," he says.<br>Not able to say anything I nod and follow Matthew to the bathroom. While walking I get lost in the past. What happened at the cemetery and what happened before that has taken over my mind. I get overwhelmed by sadness. Arthur… I really lost him forever, didn't I? I want to cry but hold myself in. Crying isn't going to help. That and I don't want Matthew to get more worried about me. When I and Matthew are inside the bathroom he turns around and looks into my eyes.  
>"I'm going to get some dry clothes," he says while giving me a clean towel. "You can wait here."<br>I nod and Matthew walks away. I stare and the white towel and get lost in more memories.  
>What happened at the cemetery can't be real. Mister Time can't be real. I think I passed out and my imagination took over me or something. Mister Time kept breaking my heart and every time I thought it was over he broke it again. He kept saying things such as: 'Take at as a man' and 'You're pathetic', but it wasn't these words which broke my heart. Only his hands did. I'm so glad Matthew found me in time. Mister Time's expression had begun to look bored, and I know that when he has enough of you he calls his friend Mister Death.<br>"I'm back," Matthew says when he walks in with a pile of clothes in his hands.  
>He lays the pile of clothes on the floor and closes the door behind him. I snap out of my memories and look at Matthew. He gets a little frown on his face.<br>"Why didn't you start drying yourself yet?" he asks.  
>I want to say something back but he's words doesn't seem to reach me. He sighs and walks towards me.<br>"Here, let me do it for you," he says while taking the towel out of my hands.  
>He carefully takes my glasses off and dries my face. I want to thank him and tell him I can do the rest myself, but before I get the chance, his hands have already undressed me, leaving only my underwear on. With his gentle hands he dries the rest of my body, making sure to miss no spot. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. So I just keep staring at him while he is doing his job. When he's done he rises up and looks into my eyes. He has a little smile on his face.<br>"Done. Isn't that better?" he asks.  
>Without waiting for an answer he takes of his own clothes and dries himself with the same towel. It's weird but somehow I can't look away from his half naked body. Of course his half naked body isn't something new to me. I've been seeing it since we were little, it's no big deal. I've never paid really much attention to Matthew's body, but the last time I did it looked so different. Matthew's body as I remember is thin and weak looking, but you can't say that about his body now. His shoulders have become wider, his muscles stronger. He's still thin but because of his muscles not flat chested. His legs have also become more muscled and are less lady looking then before. The same goes for his arms. He even seems to have grown a bit, but he's still smaller than me.<br>"What are you looking at?" Matthew suddenly asks.  
>I look up from his torso and look at his face. I'm glad to see that at least his face didn't change. His silky hair and bright eyes are the same as always. The only new thing is the light blush on his cheeks.<br>"Oh… nothing. I was just wondering… have you been going at the gym lately?" I ask a bit ashamed of myself.  
>Looking at my brother's body like that. What was I thinking? Matthew giggles.<br>"You noticed," he says.  
>I noticed? So, he really has been going at the gym? I'm so stupid. Why didn't I noticed that earlier? Matthew sees from my half-shocked, half-confused expression that I really had no idea he has been training like that and smiles.<br>"Of course I have been silly. Even though being a nurse is a tough job I won't get muscled by it," he says.  
>Ashamed by myself I look away from him. I'm such a 'think for yourselfer'. If I had tried to pay more attention to Matthew I would have noticed it from the beginning.<br>"Sorry for not noticing Matt. If I had noticed it, I could have supported you," I say.  
>"Hey!" Matthew says while walking towards me and giving me a little slap on my head. "Don't think that way of yourself! I'm fine even without your support, don't you see? That and seeing the surprised expression on your face is priceless."<br>Despite everything that's happened, I'm able to make a little smile.  
>"Surprised you say? I sure am."<br>Matthew giggles again.  
>"Be prepared. This may not be the last surprise I will give you," he says. "Anyway, lets dress up before we catch a cold."<br>I nod and look at the clothes Matthew took with him. Matthew bends his knees so he can take the pile of clothes from the floor. He gives me my night suit, consisting an old shirt of mine and my sweatpants. Not really fancy, I know. But they are just really warm and comfortable. Matthew's night suit is the same, but his shirt and sweatpants are newer then mine. When we are both are dressed and have brushed our teeth it's time to go to bed.  
>"Good night," Matthew says before closing his door.<br>"Good night," I say back as always.  
>While standing in front of my door I feel nervous. Maybe, just maybe, Arthur is inside. Maybe he is sitting on my bed, waiting for me to come. Or he is staring out of the window, looking at the moon. I really want him to be waiting for me. I want to see happiness in his eyes when I finally walk in, but I know that the change that he really is waiting inside my room is small. I take the doorknob in my hand. My hand is sweating against the cold metal. With a little click I open the door. My eyes are looking for him but they don't find him. He isn't sitting on my bed nor standing in front of the window. He isn't here. Although I expected him to not be here, I feel really disappointed. Disappointed and sad. Suddenly the feeling of spending the night alone feels unbearable. I need to have someone lying beside me, protecting me from the creeping shadows. I close my door and walk towards Matthew's. As quietly as I can I open Matthew's door.<br>"Matt, are you asleep yet?" I whisper through the dark.  
>"No, what's the problem?" I hear him ask.<br>I put the door more open, letting in more light in Matthew's room.  
>"Can I… Is it okay if… Can I sleep with you tonight?" I ask.<br>Silence. I try to see Matthew's reaction but it's too dark for that.  
>"Sure," he says.<br>Glad that I don't have to sleep alone tonight I tiptoe inside and close the door behind me. Carefully I try to find Matthew's bed in the dark.  
>"Ow!" I say when I bump my toe against his bed.<br>"Are you okay?" Matthew asks while putting on the lamp on his nightstand.  
>"Couldn't you put that thing on earlier? And yes, my toe is fine," I say.<br>Matthew smiles and makes some room for me in his bed.  
>"Go on then. I don't have all night," he says.<br>"You know, you seem all innocent but in the inside you have the same sick humor as me," I say while going in his bed.  
>The blankets are already warm because of Matthew's body warmth. Matthew's bed isn't made for two persons so we are lying really close to each other. The feeling I get from lying here I could only describe as cozy. Safe and cozy.<br>"Can you put out the light?" Matthew asks.  
>"Sure," I say while putting it out.<br>I can't see Matthew anymore but I know he's still here because of his warmth and the sound of his breathing. Suddenly I feel his hand stroke through my hair.  
>"It's okay Alfred. I lost Arthur too. Let's go on living our lives together," he whispers.<br>Not knowing what to say I keep staring into the darkness.  
>"I know you will never forget Arthur, but you will accept his death some day. I know you can do it."<br>He gives me a little kiss on the forehead. Matthew is wrong. I will never accept Arthur's death, not even if I tried. Someone killed Arthur, and the murderer will pay the price. But I'm tired and not in the mood to start a discussion with Matthew, so I give in.  
>"I will Matthew. I will."<p> 


	35. Chapter 34

**Chapter 34**

How many days have passed? One day? Two days? I can't tell. No wait, I remember. It has been two days. It must have been because I twice felt Matthew's presence next to me. Since I got permission to sleep in Matthew's bed, I haven't been anywhere else. I just keep on lying under his warm blankets. Sometimes I get blessed by sleep but most of the time I'm only staring at ceiling, trying to think of nothing, trying to forget everything. But no matter how hard I try, I can't forget Arthur. The mild wind outside sounds like him whispering sweet things. The soft blankets I'm lying under feel like his perfect skin. And no matter where I look, it feels like I'm always looking into his beautiful eyes. If I'm asleep I only dream of him. Some dreams are sweet memories but most of them are about Arthur leaving me. My last dream was really beautiful. Arthur was an adult and gave me a little kiss on my forehead. Then he stretched his breathtaking wings and flew away to the twinkling stars high up in the night sky. I wanted to call his name. I wanted to say I love him. I wanted to stop him from going away from me. But I couldn't do even one of these things. Why couldn't I do it? Why am I this weak?  
>"Please somebody. Give me strength," I whisper.<br>Who am I kidding? There is no one to hear my prayers, no one to give me a hand.  
>"The keys," I suddenly hear the voice of my nightmares whisper in my ear.<br>I immediately sit up. Shocked I look around me but there is no one to see. Maybe I'm not as alone as I thought. Then I look at the keys laying on my nightstand. I come out of Matthew's bed and take them in my hand. The metal feels really cold against my skin but it's not like I feel strength go through my body. What does he want me to do with them?  
>"Isn't it obvious?" he asks.<br>I'm able to make a little grin.  
>"I thought you weren't going to help me anymore, Ivan," I say.<br>A deadly silence falls. Maybe he's shocked to hear me saying his name or maybe he's just mad at me, but I don't care. He just needs to give me answers and stay out of my life after that.  
>"You think getting the answers from me will be that easy?" he says with a mocking undertone.<br>I don't know exactly where he is but I turn around so I can look at where the sounds of his voice came from.  
>"I'm not saying it will be easy. I'm just hoping it would be that easy," I say.<br>I can hear his sadistic giggle.  
>"Keep on dreaming," he says.<br>I get really irritated by him. At first I was scared of him of course, but now that I got to know him better he just keeps irritating me.  
>"You should be happy I'm helping you again. You're pathetic," I hear him say behind me.<br>He must have changed places. Just to creep me out of course. But I'm not playing this game. I keep on staring at the spot I'm staring at right now while talking to him.  
>"Speak for yourself," I say.<br>Again a pause falls but this time it's not interrupted. Somehow I get the feeling he left. That's nothing to be sad about. Of course I could have tried to get more information out of him but I'm just glad that he left. I look at the keys in my hand. There must be something with them. Does Ivan want me to look for the doors they can open? I guess so, but if I'm going outside I should change clothes first, I'm still in my night suit. Just when I wanted to go to my own room to take some clothes, I see the pile of clothes laying on the foot of Matthew's bed. When I have a closer look I see that they are mine. Matthew must have placed them their when I was asleep. He's such a sweetheart.  
>I pull out my shirt, sweatpants and underwear. I drop them on the ground, I will fold them up later. On the moment I reach for my clean underwear from the pile I get the shock of my life.<br>"Thought you were alone, didn't you?" Ivan whispers in my ear from behind me.  
>Shocked I turn around but because of my clothes on the floor I slip and fall on my back. I say some nasty words while trying to sit up. Why do I always fall on my back. It hurts! Then I notice the person standing in front of me. Finally he showed himself. He's the same as I remember, the same as in my nightmares. His black wings are just as breathtaking as always and his purple eyes still look right into my soul. I feel figuratively and literally naked. He has an little amused smile on his face while looking down at me. He takes a few steps forward and bends his knees. He's so close. I want to run away, but I'm sucked into his purple eyes. He lays his hand on my head. Gently he strokes through my hair. After a few second his fingers go lower, follow my jawline and stop by my chin.<br>"Remember our kiss?" he asks.  
>I can't give an answer. I can't even breath.<br>"I'm sure you do. It was our first. It's a shame it had to be done through Francis' body though," he whispers.  
>I suspected Ivan to have taken over Francis' body, but now I'm sure. I don't know what Ivan's intentions are but I have the feeling it can't be anything good. Ivan smiles his little creepy smile again.<br>"You got that right," he says.  
>He lets go of my chin and lays his hand on the place of my heart. The cold of his hand makes his way through my chest, making my whole body shudder.<br>"So what to do now?" he asks while drawing little circles with the fingertip of his forefinger on my chest.  
>Every time he finishes a circle I feel cold energy go through my body. Every time I feel the energy my body responds by shivering. It must be some sort of spell, it only can be.<br>"No Francis, no Matthew and most important no Arthur, to stop me from doing everything I can do with you and your glorious body."  
>"No…" I whisper.<br>"Yes," he says still drawing circles on my chest.  
>"This time I'll make sure to take your heart. Today it will be mine, even if it means ripping it out."<br>I would swear I felt his nails scratching my chest open and ripping my heart while he said that, but as fast as I got that feeling it was gone. Hallucinations… he's playing with my brain. Playing with me.  
>"But of course that won't be necessary if you are willing to give my your heart, don't you think?"<br>Ivan stops drawing circles and lays his hand on my heart again. I feel how all my energy is flowing away. It's like it's sucked out of my body. But I can't do anything about it. I can't even protest.  
>For a moment I'm thinking of giving it all up. My heart? He can have it. My life doesn't have a meaning without Arthur anyway. But then I suddenly feel the cold metal in my hand. I'm still holding the keys, there is still hope. I have to get out of here and find Arthur, but how? Now that I remember the keys another thought comes up.<br>"If you want my heart, then why bother helping me anyway?" I asks.  
>Again Ivan smiles that sick smile of his.<br>"Can't you tell? I'm just playing with you," he says. "You know, I see life as a game. And you Alfred, are what the whole game is about."  
>Confused I stare at him. That just makes no sense.<br>"No sense?" he asks. "Well even if it doesn't make sense, I will do everything go get all my opponents checkmate."  
>Checkmate? And I thought I was the crazy one.<br>Suddenly I feel how I get stabbed from behind. I slowly turn around and look right into the face of Matthew. I feel how warm blood is flowing along my back.  
>"Matthew…" I say with trembling voice.<br>As suddenly as Matthew appeared he disappears again. The pain and the knife in my back are gone. There is no blood either. I slowly turn my head back. Ivan lays his other hand on my head. Just as before he starts stroking it.  
>"You the crazy one?" he asks.<br>I see how the whole room turns black. Everything in spite of Ivan and me is swallowed by darkness. I hear different kinds of voices. Some are begging to not be killed, some are screaming, some are whispering my name.  
>"Who knows…"<p> 


	36. Chapter 35

**Chapter 35**

They are calling me. Whispering my name. Voices of dead try to lure me. They want me to go with them into the darkness. But I can't go with them, I'm locked inside Ivan's eyes. His cold hand is gently stroking my face. It's a touch that shouldn't hurt, but the skin he touches feels like it's on fire.  
>"Good boy," Ivan whispers. "Keep on looking into my eyes, because if you look away…"<br>Ivan closes his eyes. In an instant I feel how dead rotten hands grab me. They are holding me in their grip and are dragging me into the darkness. Immediately I can move my body again. I struggle and try to get out of their grip, but every time one of the hands loses his grip on me, another one appears out of the darkness and tries to drag me further into it. I feel like I'm drowning in the darkness. On the moment I almost choke I feel Ivan puts his hand on my chest. I look up and look right into his eyes. As sudden as the hands grabbed me they let me go and disappear into the darkness. For some time it's quiet, but then they start whispering my name again.  
>"Who knows what will happen," Ivan finishes his sentence.<br>I'm going to die. Every cell in my body knows it and there is nothing I can do about it.  
>"Who said something about killing you?" Ivan asks.<br>Ivan goes with his head closer to my ear. The cold air he breathes out against my skin makes me shiver.  
>"But you know, I have my plans," he whispers into my ear.<br>Because he came closer we lost eye contact but through my surprise no rotten hands grabbed me.  
>"I guess you're wondering why?" Ivan asks.<br>I give no answer but he tells me anyways.  
>"Because they are all afraid of me. Because they all know that you are mine. The only one who doesn't realize it yet…"<br>He pulls back his head so he can look into my eyes again. After some long staring he comes closer. Our lips almost touch each other. The adrenalin in my body makes my heart beat even faster and makes me inhale lots of air, but it all isn't enough to make my body move. I'm still locked inside his eyes.  
>"Is you," he whispers.<br>Suddenly he presses his lips against mine. With force he lets his tongue slip into my mouth. I give no response. I don't push him of me, I don't kiss him back, I don't shudder… I don't care. I realized it. I realized that I can't do anything to stop Ivan. He wants my heart and nothing will stop him, I just know. Maybe it's better this way. Arthur can be forever with his soulmate and I won't feel sadness because I know that when Ivan is done with me I won't remember Arthur anyway. Isn't that the best for us all? Deep inside I know I don't want to give up on Arthur, but there is no way Ivan will let me go and if I would try, he would kill me slowly and painfully. He's the devil himself.  
>Suddenly Ivan's lips let go of mine. He looks into my eyes again and I get shocked by the look of them. I expected them to by full of desire, madness or hatred, but they are not. His eyes are cold. So cold that I would swear my heart stopped for a moment.<br>"Do you really think… that badly of me?" he asks.  
>I don't know what to say. I feel the urge to say that it's not true, but then I would be lying.<br>"I take that as a yes," he says.  
>Paralyzed I keep staring into his eyes.<br>"You really have no idea, do you?" he asks.  
>I finally find my voice. With my tongue I make my dry lips a little bit wet before speaking.<br>"What are you talking about?" I ask.  
>He lays his cold hand on my heart again. I feel the urge to slap his hand away but my body feels frozen, I can't move.<br>"Tell me. Why do you think I'm doing this to you?" Ivan asks.  
>The first thing which comes to mind is: 'Because you're a total asshole who likes to fuck other's lives up, including mine', but something is telling me that is not the right answer. Ivan must have 'heard' that thought because he gets a little mocking smile on his face.<br>"Think hard. I know you aren't used to that but at least try it," he says.  
>I ignore his insult and I try it, but except of my earlier conclusion nothing comes to mind. Ivan seems disappointed.<br>"I will show you," he says.  
>He pushes me down against the ground. Again adrenalin makes his way through my body. My heart starts beating fast.<br>"What… what are you doing?" I ask in panic.  
>"You will see," Ivan says.<br>He comes closer with his face. I excepted him to kiss me again, but he doesn't. The only thing he does is touch his forehead to mine. He starts whispering in a language I don't understand. For a minute I'm confused but then I slowly start to understand what he is doing. It must be one of his spells again. After some time he stops whispering in the language I don't understand and says something I do understand. "Say my name."  
>Without knowing what I'm doing I follow his instruction. "Ivan."<br>It feels like my soul gets sucked into his body through his forehead. Everything is white and I feel like I'm falling into an endless well. Suddenly I stop falling and the white around me vanishes. I have to blink a few times before I'm able to see clearly again. I'm leaning against a black car. It's a sunny day but for some reason I'm not dressed like it. I'm wearing a long coat and for some weird reason a scarf too, but I don't feel hot and sweaty. I'm staring at the building in front of me and recognize it directly: it's my old school.  
>Many questions go through my mind. What am I doing here? Am I waiting for someone? Why does it feel like I'm longer? And why can't I move my body?<br>I look around me but I don't see Ivan. Damn it. Maybe he could have given me some answers. Suddenly the doors of my school open. I look up and see three people walking out of the school. I try to recognize them, but I can't really see them from here.  
>"Brother!" I hear a familiar voice scream.<br>One of the three people starts running towards me. I recognize her when she's standing in front of me, Natalia.  
>"You really came brother," she says happily.<br>Without wanting it I make a little smile.  
>"Of course. I said I would pick you up today, right?" I hear Ivan's voice say.<br>I'm shocked. That voice came out of my mouth, but it was Ivan's. Am I Ivan?  
>The other two people catched up with Natalia and stopped in front of me.<br>"Oh, I want to introduce these people to you," Natalia says to me.  
>"This is Arthur," she says while looking at the man standing next to her.<br>I look into his face and I can't believe what I'm seeing. It's really Arthur, and he's alive. No wings, no white dress, alive. As if Arthur doesn't know me he shakes my hand and smiles a friendly smile.  
>"Nice to meet you. Natalia told me a lot about you," he says.<br>"Nice to meet you too," I hear Ivan's voice inside me say.  
>Natalia seems happy that I'm being so nice. Excited she introduces the other man too, but she didn't have to. I know that man's fairs, desires, dreams, weak points, talents, intersects, past, future and so much more. I know everything about him, from out- and inside. His curious eyes are staring into mine. Natalia said something but the words didn't reach me.<br>Suddenly other emotions are taking me over. By looking into that mans eyes I feel like I'm in heaven. The urge to touch him, to kiss him, to make love to him is almost unbearable. For a moment I fantasize how great a night with him could be, but I push that thought away. The man makes a little smile. I would swear my heart stopped for a moment, but now it's beating as crazy. The man shakes my hand.  
>"Nice to meet you," he says.<br>I feel how something else inside my body tries to take control over these emotions and after some time they are almost gone. These emotions just now… they can't be mine. They can't! Because…  
>I hear Ivan's voice again. It sounds calm an formal. Almost cold. I still can't believe these words are coming out of my mouth, but they are.<br>"Nice to meet you too, Alfred."


	37. Chapter 36

**Chapter 36**

I must be crazy. There is just no way this is really happening to me. I just met myself… and I'm in love with him. This feeling of love inside me is so strong that it makes me feel sick. Sick of myself, because this is just so wrong in all kinds of ways. And then we have Arthur of course. He's only one step distance between us. I want to take that distance away so badly, but I still can't move my body, or whoever this body belongs to. And the most shocking thing of all, Arthur's alive. By realizing that I want to cry my heart out.  
><em>I love you.<em> In my whole life I've never wanted to say those three words so badly, but this body doesn't let me.  
>"Let's go brother," I hear someone say from far away.<br>I'm able to look away from Arthur's breathtaking appearance and look at Natalia. My lips smile for a little but it feels like my body is forcing me to do so.  
>"Of course," Ivan's voice inside me says.<br>Natalia smiles back and turns her face towards the two other men.  
>"Goodbye, see you tomorrow," she says happily.<br>I notice how she made it sound like she was saying goodbye to both of them, but actually only said goodbye to Arthur. I know I'm not the only one who noticed that. I see how Alfred, my other self or whoever he is, gets a bit hurt expression on his face. Then suddenly his eyes stare into mine. My heart skips a beat. This intense feeling of love inside me seems to have gotten twice as strong by only that one look. Just on the moment it's becoming too much for me, Alfred looks away from me and something inside me gets the control of this terrifying feeling. I keep staring at Alfred, hoping for him to look back at me, but on the same time hoping for him to disappear. The only thing which makes me look away from him is Arthur's voice.  
>"Yes, see you tomorrow," Arthur says to Natalia.<br>Natalia nods and walks away without saying goodbye to Alfred. What a bitch. What did I, no Alfred, did wrong to get ignored like that?  
>"Brother, what are you waiting for?" I hear Natalia say somewhere behind me.<br>I look around me and see how Natalia is waiting next to my black car.  
>"I'm coming," I speak with Ivan's voice.<br>For the last time I look at the two men in front of me. I see in Alfred's face that he already lost interest. He's looking around with a bored expression on his face. For some reason I feel a bit disappointed. Then suddenly I notice something I didn't notice before. Alfred looks so young. Now that I have a closer look I see how his shoulders aren't as broad as they used to be. He also look a bit smaller then the man I see daily at the mirror. Is he a… younger me?  
>Then slowly my eyes find Arthur's. Arthur is still paying attention. He tries to keep on smiling but I can see at his pose that he feels really uncomfortable. There is some tension hanging around us which wasn't there before. Did this tension appear because I was staring at Alfred for so long? I know I've got to go and apparently Ivan's voice inside me knows that too.<br>"It was a pleasure to meet you two. Maybe… we will meet again."  
>Without waiting for them to say something back I walk away. Natalia and I get into my car and I drive away. I try to not look back but I can't stop myself from doing it one more time. In the rearview mirror I can see how Arthur and Alfred are talking. Just before I lose my view of them I can see how they start laughing together. I get overwhelmed by the hate which swallows my heart. For a long time it's dead silence in the car. I almost forgot that Natalia is in here to.<br>"Say Natalia," the voice of the devil speaks.  
>"Yes brother?"<br>I try to concentrate on the traffic and having an conversation with Natalia on the same time but this hatred claiming my heart makes it hard to concentrate on even only one of these things.  
>"What do you know about that guy?"<br>A long pause falls. I can hear how Natalia is moving nervously on the back seat.  
>"Do you mean Arthur?" she asks with a little trembling voice.<br>"No, the other guy," Ivan says with such a dead voice it even creeps me out, even though it was my lips which formed these words.  
>"Um… not so much actually. I know that his name is Alfred and that he speaks with Arthur from time to time but… I guess that's all."<br>"From time to time you say?"  
>My fists squeeze harder in the steering wheel. I try to keep my eyes on the road but my view is getting blurred.<br>"Yes… I think so…" she almost whispers.  
>The rest of the drive we say nothing. I get a little shock when I see how suddenly Natalia's house appears. It looks really different from what I remember though. The house doesn't look old and poorly maintained. It actually looks really nice! When we are in front of her house I park my car and get out of it. Natalia follows quickly after me. I take a key out of my pocket and open the door. For a moment I thought it was one of the mysterious three keys but it wasn't. When I go inside the house looks so different. The curtains are open so that I finally can have a good look at the living room. The interior isn't really my style but I must say it has some class. There are some candles in here but none of them are lit, and most important, there is no altar. I make myself comfortable on one of the chairs and start reading a book. All those actions aren't mine. My body is still moving on his own will. My eyes are reading over the sentences, but I'm not really reading them. It starts to get darker so Natalia closes the curtains and puts on some lights. When she is done she starts standing in front of me. She doesn't say anything to disturb me but I know she wants too. I look up from my book.<br>"What is it Natalia?" Ivan asks.  
>I can see at her pose that she is a bit nervous but she also looks happy. She is holding something behind her back.<br>"I have something for you brother," she says.  
>My body lays the book away and rises up. I take a few steps forward until I'm standing in front of her.<br>"Really?" Ivan whispers.  
>Natalia looks into my eyes but then directly looks back at the floor. She takes the thing behind her and shows it to me. It a little packet packed into beautiful gift-warp. For a moment I just stare at it, but then I slowly take it out of her hands. Carefully I open the gift. I get the shock of my life we I the cool stone is laying on my palm. It's the pendant. It's the pendant Natalia described for me that day in the department of Murder Cases. <em>A black smooth stone in the middle and two silver Angel wings on the sides<em>, this is it.  
>"Please, accept my love," Natalia whispers with a lot of emotion in her voice.<br>For a moment I keep staring at the pendant, but then I close my eyes. I can feel the tension around. I want to take that tension away, but I know I can't. I open my eyes and take one of Natalia's hands. Carefully I lay the pendant on her palm. With big wet eyes she looks at the beautiful black in her hand. After some time of silence my lips form the most painful words I've ever said in my life.  
>"I'm sorry…"<p> 


	38. Chapter 37

**Chapter 37**

A tear falls and bursts on the beautiful black stone. Natalia's pale shaking hand looks even paler because of the black pendant she is holding. Her small shoulders are shaking too.  
>She looks like a little porcelain doll, beautiful but easy breakable. Now that I've broken her there are two things I can do. I can collect the pieces and try to fix her, or I can take the dustpan, sweep her up and throw her in the trash bin. Of course I would have chosen the first option if I could, but Ivan decided to chose for the second one. Without saying a word I leave the room. I feel how I get mad at Ivan. How can he just walk away like that! That girl there is your sister and her heart is broken! You could at least <em>try<em> to comfort her! But as expected my anger doesn't make my body go back. When I'm upstairs I walk directly into Ivan's room. By remembering the last time I was inside Ivan's room, my stomach turns into ice. I know that I won't see blood on the walls this time, but only the memory of it makes terror hold me in a vice-like grip. I feel relieved when I open the door and see no blood, but I know that danger lies in wait.  
>When my body walks along the mirror I see in a flash how Ivan passes by. So I'm really inside his body... I quickly try to get rid of that thought because of the dirty undertone it has. I go sit on Ivan's bed and take my head in my hands. With my fingertips I draw circles on my sleeps. At first I'm wondering why Ivan is doing that, but then slowly I feel how his headache is becoming mine. Suddenly my fingers stop doing that and start wiping the tears in the corners of my eyes away instead.<br>"This is bad…" Ivan's voice whispers.  
>I look up at the mirror and look right into Ivan's face. There are tears running down his cheeks, but his eyes are still as cold ice. Purple ice. Not only do I know, but I also feel how he's fighting against his tears, but they won't stop coming. He stands up and walks towards the mirror. He keeps staring at himself with these cold eyes. I wonder what is going on in his mind. Suddenly he hits the mirror with his fist. He hits it so hard that it breaks. Pieces of the mirror are blown away by the force. My hand is hurting so much hat I want to scream out of pain, but Ivan doesn't utter a sound. My hand is bleeding really badly, but Ivan doesn't seem to care. There must be really something wrong with him. He takes his hand back and looks at his broken reflection. His eyes look as cold as they did before.<br>"Really bad…" he says as he turns his face away of the mirror.  
>He walks out of his room and walk towards the bathroom. When he is there he turns on the tap and holds his hand under the cool water. He doesn't seem to feel the pain I feel, or he is just good at hiding it. I stare at my bleeding hand and remember the time when Matthew cut my hand. For a minute I'm afraid that this time my hand also won't stop bleeding, but fortunately it does. After it stops Ivan turns off the tap and dries his hand. He walks back to his room and goes sitting on his bed again. Again he looks at his broken reflection. He can't bear looking at himself when he's like this so he quickly turns his head away and hides his face in his hands.<br>After some time of crying in silence Ivan stops hiding his face and looks out of his window. Even on a night like this, stars are still shining their light, shining that little bit of hope. Ivan smiles a little and stands up. He walks towards his window and has a better look.  
>"Good night," he whispers to the stars while closing his curtain.<br>It's now really dark inside his room, but it doesn't seem to bother him. Then he starts to take of his clothes, everything except his boxers, and lies under the blankets of his bed. My eyes are becoming heavier and my breathing beings to slow down. Ivan isn't crying anymore, he and his room seem peaceful tonight, but I know that's not the case. This must be _the night_. Any moment now could be Ivan's last. No, my last. Time is slowly killing me while waiting for the cold metal to be stabbed into my heart. I don't want this to happen. I don't want to experience the painful death Ivan went through, but that is not up to me. Ivan is in a deep sleep now, but I was never this aware of all the little noises in this world before. The soft whispering wind outside, the creaking and groaning of the house, my calm peaceful breath… the little footsteps in the corridor. Almost soundless the footsteps are coming closer, making fear slowly take over me. Then suddenly the sounds of footsteps stop. In the silence of the night, the creaking of the door sounds like the complaining of the dead. I can hear the frightening sounds of footsteps again. I feel like crying I'm so afraid, but this body doesn't let me. When she stops in front of me I can clearly hear her deep irregular breathing. After some minutes which seemed to take endless to pass, I hear how she lifts her arm.  
>My brain is screaming it out. It is screaming that I have to wake up, that I have to get away, but I know I can't. I try to calm myself down. This isn't <em>really<em> happening to me. So way make such a fuss about what's going to happen? I try to make myself believe that, but I don't succeed. I know why I'm making such a fuss about it… because it will be my first time experiencing death.  
>Slowly Ivan opens his eyes a bit, just enough to see through his eyelashes. I don't know what but something must have woken him up. Now I can see how Natalia is bent over me, holding her knife above her, aimed at my heart. Her arm is shaking incessantly and her pupils are so small that even if I didn't know, I would have known that she has been swallowing too many pills. Ivan isn't fully awake yet so he isn't realizing what is about to happen. Then finally it happens. With all the power she has Natalia lets her knife come down, but just before my heart gets split in two, my soul gets ripped out Ivan's body. Everything around me is white and I have the feeling I'm falling forever, just like before. I get the creeps when even though I'm no longer in Ivan's body, his voice is coming from inside me.<br>_"Roses are red, but you don't care, do you? I wish you were dead, but you do care, don't you?"_


	39. Chapter 38

**Chapter 38**

With wide open eyes I stare into his. I feel frozen by only looking at the cold purple, but at the same time I'm so relieved I do, because it means they are no longer my eyes. My whole naked body is shaking incessantly under his. Cold sweat is sticking on my skin while salty tears are dripping. All fears I've ever experienced together aren't even half of the fear I experienced today. For the first time in my life I realized that I'm nothing. I'm no more than a simple human, just one of the six billion. And even all these people together are nothing, we are all just part of the larger whole. For a moment I feel like I found the meaning of life, as if I've seen the light, but then I get down to back earth by Ivan's cold hand lying on my chest. Immediately my body stops shaking, as if Ivan turned off a switch. Finally I'm able to move my dry lips, and I feel relieved by hearing how my own voice is coming out of my chest.  
>"I'm sorry…" I whisper with a broken voice.<br>I don't know what I'm apologizing for, but I just had the feeling I had to. This man went through a lot, he almost turned into something inhuman, but he showed me he isn't. For the first time his eyes seem a little bit warmer.  
>"No need to apologize. It's not like… you could have done anything about it anyway," Ivan says.<br>I don't know what to say or to do, so I just keep on listening how my breathing gets calmer by every passing second. After some time of silence I finally come up with something.  
>"Were those your memories?" I ask.<br>"So you were able to figure that out?" Ivan says while getting a little smile on his face.  
>"Then why don't I remember the day we met?"<br>In the silence that follows, I can see how Ivan is struggling with my question. After some time he makes a decision.  
>"That's an… interesting question…" he says a bit doubtful.<br>I keep on staring into his eyes with a cold look until he tells me.  
>"When I died and became an Angel I just couldn't stop thinking about you. No day passed by without this unbearable feeling of love, killing me from the inside. I hated that feeling to the depths of my heart, so I decided that it would be the best for both of us if we forget about each other. One night when you were in a deep sleep, I sneaked into your room and used a forgetting charm on you. After that I wanted to use the charm on myself but… when I saw your beautiful sleeping face…"<br>Slowly Ivan lifts his hand from my chest a gently stokes my face. I see how little tears are formed at the corners of his eyes.  
>"I just couldn't…"<br>Carefully, as if I will break by only a bit too much pressure, he gives me a little kiss on my forehead. The moment his lips touch my skin my stomach turns into ice. He notices how I stopped breathing under him and lets go of me. After some time of staring into each other's eyes he takes the keys I forgot I was holding and starts getting off one of the keys from the others.  
>"I think I've scared you enough for today," he says not looking away from the keys.<br>Slowly the darkness I didn't notice before vanishes and takes place for Matthew's room. When Ivan's done with the keys he stares at the one key in his hand. He gets a little smile on his face and lays the chilly metal on my chest. I'm no longer holding my breath and the metal is going up and down in the rhythm of my chest. Ivan lays the other keys in my hand and gives me one more look.  
>"Go find him…"<p>

Rapidly I'm walking through the streets I know so well. In high speed I pass the cemetery, not even thinking of going visiting Arthur's grave for a moment. Not today, not now I'm so close…  
>The sun is shining her warm light of gold while she is slowly vanishing behind the horizon. One by one her sunrays are becoming orange and make the no longer blue sky look like the sky of pictures taken in distant resorts. I must hurry, I want to arrive before it's dark.<br>I'm holding the key in my hand as if my life depends on it. I know that if I'm holding it too tight it will leave a print in the palm of my hand for some time, but I don't care. The two other keys are in my pocket, just in case. Of course Ivan vanished before giving me a clue where to start searching. I guess that would have been too much kindness for one day, but I do have my ideas though. Without getting bothered by the things around me I'm walking straight to my goal. My feet are taking me there automatically. I've walked this path so many times before.  
>Finally I'm standing in front of the house. By only looking at it, thousands of memories flash though my mind. For a moment all my courage is gone, but by remembering what I'm looking for I get hope again. I take the key in my hand and insert the key in the keyhole. I take a deep breath before turning the key. I hear a small click and the door opens. Fortunately my intuition was right. I've found the right house, now the only thing left to do is…<br>Before my courage fades away again I step inside. I close the door behind me with extreme caution, as if the smallest noise will scare _him_ away. I take some time to calm myself down before going further inside the house, _his_ house. When I step inside the living room, everything is exactly the same as I remember. I can't take my eyes off the photo hanging on the wall. It's a photo of Arthur and me. It was the most beautiful one I had ever made. I gave it to Arthur so he could hang it on his wall and stare at it if he would feel like it. At the time he acted as if it was nothing, but I know that he never even thought of getting it off his wall. I feel how tears are coming up, but I suppress them as hard as I can. Without looking back I leave the living room. There are just too many memories in there, and he isn't there anyway. After a quick look in the kitchen, which I never really entered before because of a good reason, I go upstairs, assuming he won't be sitting on the toilet downstairs. The first room I walk to is the bathroom. I hesitate when I'm standing in front of it. I know that this is not the house where Arthur was killed, but the fear of seeing blood is still ravaging me. I sigh in relieve when I open the door and see no blood, but sadly I don't see him either. There is only one room left. Almost soundless I walk towards the door, his door. When I'm standing in front of it I feel how slowly my hope is fading away. Carefully I lay my hand on the doorknob. My sweating hand feels dirty against the cold metal. For a moment I close my eyes to make my head empty. After that I open my eyes and the door. Without saying a word I step inside. I feel like I just stepped inside the past. Everything in his room is the same. His neat soft bed, his bookcase with the books we read together, his nightstand with the little lamp I gave him on top of it, his big window which you cold stare though for hours, everything. Everything except for one thing… he isn't here. Suddenly I get the feeling I'm choking. I walk through the window and open it as wide as I can. The fresh air pleases me, but I'm no longer in a state to hold my tears. The sun is almost gone now, but before she goes away she gives me the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen. I close my eyes. I don't want to see it. Not now I've lost everything, not now I will never be happy again.  
>All at once I feel how warm perfect lips are pressed against mine. Shocked I open my eyes. For a moment I'm overwhelmed by emotions but then I kiss him back. This feeling inside me is so strong. It makes me want to have more, but on the same moment it is almost too much to handle. Then he breaks our kiss. Finally I'm able to see him clearly. The man who is balancing on the edge of the window in front of me looks like the man I remember from long ago, the only difference are the gorgeous white wings surrounding his alluring body. The sunset behind him is beautiful but is nothing compared to his beauty.<br>"Arthur…" I whisper with a little tone of disbelief.  
>Gently he wipes away my tears. I look into his green eyes and get a bit dizzy by the pure love inside them. His perfect lips are coming closer and whisper before giving me another kiss.<br>"I love you."


	40. Chapter 39

**Chapter 39**

They are just three words, three little words. Yet, together they are very strong. As soon as the soft sound of them reached my ears and reverberated in my brain, I lost all my power. Now that that happened I let the words nest in my memory and now let them slowly give me power. Stronger power.  
>Arthur's lips are slowly coming closer. His breath tickles my skin a bit. After a moment of little doubting Arthur continues our kiss. His lips meet mine lightly, then he softly pulls me into him. His first kiss seemed forceful and rushed, this one is the complete opposite. His beautiful eyes are closed and as I get used to this intense feeling of love tingling everywhere inside my body I also close mine. He's taking it easy on me, slow and easy. Just on the moment I thought I was getting used to his gentle movements, he moves his head slightly to the other side and the flame inside my heart blazes higher again. I can feel how Arthur wants to take it to a higher level, how he wants to push his tongue down my throat, but something is stopping him from doing it. Normally I would have considered it as my fault because I'm not taking the next step, but now I don't mind. I just want to be touched by him like this forever. Not rough or rushed but gently yet impassioned at the same time. After a long sweet kiss Arthur pulls his face away. When doing that he slightly pulls my under lip with him. Slowly Arthur opens his eyes while I had mine already open. His green eyes are as beautiful as always but this time I can see happiness shining in them.<br>"Alfred…" he whispers like a cool breeze on a warm sunny day.  
>Gently his fingertips stroke my cheek. He leaves the skin he touched warm and tickling.<br>"You give me wings to fly…"  
>I get a little smile on my face. Slowly Arthur stops stroking. His eyes are looking right into my eyes, expectantly. I wrap my arms around him and push him closer to me.<br>"And you Arthur… You are an angel from God…" I whisper in his ear.  
>I hear a little laugh. Arthur carefully gets loose from my grip so he can look at my face.<br>"It was not God who sent me here. The one which made me come back… was you and you only."  
>He gives me a little kiss on my forehead. The place where his lips touch my skin feels warm and when his lips let go of me, I would swear I could still feel them against my skin.<br>"You should know that," he says softly.  
>Suddenly a cold breeze passes by through the window Arthur came through. I look at the sky behind Arthur and see that the sun is no longer with us. She left us alone but some of her light is still with us because of her mirror, the moon.<br>"We should close the window, it's getting cold," I say.  
>Arthur nods, turns around and closes the window. When he's done he turns back and starts looking around. His eyes stand still on one spot. Slowly he gets a little smile on his face.<br>"I guess I appeared in the right room," he says with a bit naughty undertone.  
>"What do you mean 'right room'?" I ask him while following his eyes.<br>As soon as I look at the spot Arthur is staring at my face gets really red. Arthur walks gorgeously, almost like he's walking on a catwalk, towards the spot. In one smooth movement he sits down on his own bed. I see something sparkling in his eyes I never saw before. Of course there's still love inside his eyes, but now he's looking at me as if… as if he's hungry, but then the naughty way. Not knowing how to deal with this completely new situation I only can look at his bedroom eyes.  
>"Alfred, why don't you come over here?" Arthur asks while showing me a place to sit next to him with his hand.<br>Almost hypnotized I do as he says. I walk towards him and go sit down on his bed, not looking away from his eyes for a moment. I don't know what his intentions are, but he sure got me curious. I wait for him to do something, but the only thing he does is look into my eyes. Slowly I begin to realize he wants me to continue. For a moment I hesitate but then I give him a impassioned kiss. This one is rougher than the one before but I must say this one feels good as well. While closing my eyes I try to take it one step further. Slightly I push my tongue down his throat. He directly reacts by pushing his tongue down my throat. At first the movements inside my mouth feel a bit odd, but as soon as I get used to the feeling I enjoy every little movement Arthur makes. Shocked I open my eyes when Arthur goes laying down on the bed and pulls me on top of him. Stunned I break our kiss.  
>"Oh, I'm sorry," Arthurs says while he gets a little blush on his cheeks.<br>"I didn't want to shock you or anything."  
>While breathing loudly from our kiss I shake my head.<br>"No, it's okay. I just didn't… expect it," I say still breathing heavily.  
>All of a sudden I feel the urge to take off my clothes. They feel dirty and uncomfortable against my warm and a bit sweaty skin. Though it would feel a relief if I took off my clothes I don't do so. I don't want to give Arthur wrong signals.<br>"It's okay to take your clothes off," Arthur says as if he has read my mind.  
>"No, I don't need to," I say while shaking my head.<br>Without warning Arthur takes the lead and pushes me down on the bed. Stunned I look at his beautiful body above me.  
>"I can do it for you," he says.<br>Not being able to talk anymore I give a small nod. He starts with taking off my jacket. Not caring about it really much he throws at somewhere on the ground. Quickly after that his nimble fingers start unbuttoning my shirt. When he is done he also throws my shirt somewhere. Now that my chest finally is redeemed of those uncomfortable clothes I feel relieved, just as I thought I would feel.  
>"Thanks. That feels better," I say when I find my voice back.<br>Arthur doesn't say a thing. He just keeps staring at me as if… as if I'm the most beautiful thing he ever saw or something. I can feel how slowly my face is becoming red because of his eyes, looking at me like that.  
>"You know…" he says while letting his fore finger and middle finger 'walk' across my chest. "You remind me of those statues of Greek and Roman Gods."<br>He heaves a sigh of longing. Carefully he goes laying down on my chest. There is no way to describe how good his skin against mine feels, I just know that I never want this to end. His head is laying on the place of my heart. I can see how a little smile appears on his face while listening to my heart beating.  
>"You have no idea…" he whispers.<br>He lifts up his head and gives the skin on place of my heart a little kiss. Then he looks into my eyes again. Green eyes full of lust stare into mine.  
>"How badly I want you…"<p> 


	41. Chapter 40

**Chapter 40**

His green eyes are telling me that _it_ has awakened. Normally it is in a deep sleep, but there are a few things which can wake it up. I don't exactly know what it is that has woken it up now. Maybe it was because we missed each other so much, maybe it was because of our passionate kisses, maybe it was because I'm lying half naked under him, but whatever woke it up, it isn't going back to sleep.  
>If <em>it<em> could make a sound, the sound would be like a low long growl. In the animal kingdom growling is used to scare other animals away, but in this case it would show affection.  
>Arthur said that I have no idea how bad he wants me, but by only looking at his eyes full of lust I know exactly what his intentions are. The beast inside him has awakened.<br>Suddenly the contact between our eyes is broken. Arthur stares at my chest with his hungry eyes. His warm breath is tickling my skin. His soft lips give my skin a little kiss. A shiver goes through my body, but the weird thing is it's happening while I'm not feeling any fear at all. Arthurs continues to give little sweet kisses, making me gasp for air by every little touch.  
>"Alfred…" Arthur says while letting out a moan.<br>Of course his gentle touch is turning me on but not half as badly as his voice whispering my name does.  
>"Yes, Arthur?" I ask while trying to make my voice not sound weird or shaking.<br>"Do you remember that I told you about the duty of every Angel?" he asks.  
>For a moment my mind is completely blank. Man, that was a long time ago. I try to remember but it's hard to concentrate when Arthur's glorious body is laying on me.<br>"Oh, yeah. Something with numbers… or something," I say, feeling a bit ashamed of how stupid I must sound.  
>"Really good Alfred," Arthur says with a bit too high voice.<br>Is he being sarcastic or does he really find it good that I at least remember something? I can't tell.  
>"But I think I'll refresh your memory a bit now," he says.<br>He begins to explain while "drawing" with the tip of his fore finger on my chest.  
>"As you know by now, we Angels become one year older every day. This process keeps on until your '18'. On the 18th day you have to find your Soul Mate. When you found him or her you have to wait until the night falls and then show yourself to him or her. That night will be a really special night because of several reasons. That night will be your Soul Mate's 19th birthday and just before he or she turns 19, you will make love with your Soul Mate, and there will be a bond that will never be broken."<br>When Arthur's done he stops looking at his finger "drawing" and looks into my eyes.  
>"Do you know what day today is?" he asks dead serious.<br>"Of course!" I say a bit annoyed because Arthur suggested I don't know the date. "Today is the… today…"  
>Slowly the answer penetrates in my brain. With wide open eyes I stare at Arthur.<br>"Today is… my birthday…" I whisper full of disbelief.  
>How could I not remember my birthday? I guess that's because I've been so busy with solving Arthur's death and finding Arthur. I just totally forgot it.<br>"Yes," Arthur whispers.  
>Slowly Arthur moves his face closer to mine. His mouth is a bit open and I see that, even though his eyes are almost closed, the fire of passion burning in them.<br>"And today I turned '18'. Do you know what that means, Alfred?"  
>My heart is pounding so hard and fast that I would swear Arthur can hear it too. Stunned by everything which is happening to me I can only keep silent. Because I'm not answering Arthur answers for me.<br>"We are Soul Mates," he discloses.  
>It's like Arthur just said we will be happy together forever and in some way he <em>did<em> say that. This feeling of pure happiness is almost too much for me to handle, so for the time being I keep silent.  
>Arthur notices I'm a bit overwhelmed at the moment and tries to snap me out of it.<br>"Alfred, do you know at which point of time you were born?"  
>I blink a few times with my eyes and think about the question, but the answer comes quickly to my mind.<br>"I was born just before midnight," I say still a bit stunned.  
>Arthurs eyes look away from me and start searching for something. When he lays his eyes on the watch on my pulse I'm still wearing he takes my arm in his hands, takes off my watch and looks at the time.<br>"It's 10 pm, so will have enough time." Arthur gets a bit naughty smile on his face. "Or do you think two hours isn't enough?"  
>As soon as I understand the dirty undertone it has, which didn't took me long, my face gets all red.<br>"What happened to my little innocent Angel?" I utter while trying to calm myself down.  
>Arthur giggles and by hearing that sound the butterflies in my stomach are getting a bit excited.<br>"Sorry Alfred," a low voice, almost a growl, tells me. "For the time being… that Angel isn't coming back."  
>Just the way he said that and the undertone it had, makes a shiver go through my spine, though I don't feel unpleasant. Arthur lays my watch he was still holding on his nightstand and moves his face closer to mine again.<br>"You won't need that now," he whispers.  
>Carefully he takes my glasses off. He also lays them on his nightstand.<br>"And you won't need those either."  
>His mouth is still a bit open, ready to be kissed, ready to be taken. Arthur is still coming closer, but just before he can finish his move I kiss him. As if that was the reaction which he was waiting for all this time, he kisses me intensely back. His hands are trying to push my chest even closer to his, to take away all that space between us which is left. Our tongues are in an eternal dance, making my head feel fuzzy. It's a good thing I only need my glasses for looking far away, because when I sometimes open my eyes for only a little moment, I can see Arthur's beautiful face clearly. I am not the one who breaks our eternal dance. Arthur stops our kiss to take a breather. He is breathing heavenly just like I did not so long ago.<br>Now that our kiss is broken I feel how something strong is taking over me. It's a flame, which is maybe as hot as passion itself, coming deep from the bottom of my heart and is now catching my whole body on fire. In a flash I know what's happening to me.  
><em>It<em> has awakened.


	42. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41**

In what seems less than a second I roughly push my Angel down on the bed. It happened before I could realize it, it happened without me thinking. I'm sure Arthur didn't see that coming, but he doesn't seem shocked at all. His pure green eyes, filled with the fire of passion, are still looking at me the same way as they did before. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer.  
>"Make me yours," his Angel voice, sounding like the cool breezes in heaven, whispers in my ear.<br>A low little laugh passes my lips. "No doubt."  
>Our lips meet again and while our tongues start their dance of eternity, I kick off my shoes and socks. Now that <em>it<em> has awakened, every touch, even the lightest and shortest ones, make the fire in my heart reach higher. The flames interfere with everything in their reach, setting everything on fire. It doesn't hurt, I _am_ the fire. The flame inside me is so powerful, so strong, that I'm not even sure if I'll be able to handle it. When I break our kiss I feel like the strongest man on earth. No, the universe. I look into those green eyes I love so much. They are giving me all this strength, they only can be the reason why heart is on fire.  
>"Arthur…" comes over my lips as a little sweet moan.<br>His eyes are lighting up by hearing his name. If only I could know which wishes are laying deep inside them, hidden in the deepest depths of his dark black pupils.  
>"What kind of magic are you using?" I asks him before I get lost in his eyes.<br>By hearing his little giggle I get reminded why I love him so much. Everything about him is perfect, at least in my eyes.  
>"Silly Alfred. I'm not using any kind of magic at the moment. No, I won't need that, because…" He gives me a sweet soft kiss on my lips. "Love is pure magic itself."<br>I don't know what came over me, but as soon as Arthur had spoken these words my hands took off his white Angel dress in one smooth movement and threw it somewhere on the ground. By looking at his clear torso I heave a sigh of longing, and that while his underpants are still on. A shiver goes through my body when suddenly Arthur's fingers unzip my pants.  
>"Not fair, Alfred. If I'm lying here in only my underpants then you too," Arthur says with a big smile on his face.<br>I smile too and undo myself from my pants. I get a light blush on my check when I notice Arthur is enjoying the 'little show'.  
>"What do you think you're looking at?" I tease him.<br>The fire inside his eyes extinguishes a bit, making place for a look so soft and tender that it makes me fall in love with him all over again.  
>"I wanted to say: the most beautiful person ever created by the hands from above. But you wouldn't believe me anyway, would you?" he admires me.<br>"Of course I wouldn't believe you. _That_ person is lying right under me," I try to be charming.  
>Again a sweet giggle passes his lips as his eyes full of love are looking right into my soul. Slowly his hands take of his underpants, all the way down passing his almost female looking hips legs and feet, though the new view he gives me tells me he's far from being female. My heart is beating so fast, pumping adrenalin and other hormones to every part of my body. I can <em>feel<em> the hormones flowing in my veins, making my whole body shiver and my brain go numb. I want this, I want this so badly. But it's still not enough, I want more. When I come down back to earth, I realize Arthur's nimble fingers also took off my underpants. Arthur got his little naughty smile back on his face while looking at my no longer covered erection.  
>"Well, well. Aren't you excited?" he sniggers.<br>"You're the one to talk," I defend myself.  
>"But seriously dude. If you could feel what I'm feeling now…" Not knowing how to describe it I make some big movements with my arms through the air. "It's just glorious Arthur! There's no way you're not using some sort of charm on me."<br>He stopped sniggering, nevertheless his face go a warm and happy expression.  
>"No, really Alfred. I am not. But I'm glad to hear I can make you feel this way even without magic."<br>My eyes open wider, full of disbelieve. "Really? There's no magic involved?"  
>Arthur lets out a sigh before he gives me intense kiss. Because I didn't see this one coming it gives me an extra boost of pleasure. The hormones, the flame inside my heart, Arthur's perfect naked body against mine, the heat in this cool clear night, it's too much. While our kiss keeps on going I start stroking Arthurs back. A soft moan from Arthur gets swallowed in our kiss. I keep on stroking him, making him let out more moans. Sometimes my fingers come in contact with his wings and I get reminded how soft they are. I remember the day I found Arthur. Fallen from the sky with one wing bleeding, that was the little Arthur I found. But now the wound Arthur got from his fall is literally and figuratively healed.<br>When I snapped out of my memories my hands start travelling down, making Arthur jump from shock as my hands squeeze his butt. He breaks our kiss and laughs.  
>"You're hands are cold, so don't touch me there yet!" he says still laughing from shock.<br>"I heard you using the word 'yet'," I tease him.  
>My hands travel up again, leaving the glorious spot for now to rest. Suddenly an idea pops into my mind. Without a warning I start tickling Arthur. Arthur burst out laughing.<br>"Stop it! Stop it you git!" he says while laughing even harder.  
>Little tears of joy are formed in the corners of his eyes. He tries to stop me by grabbing my arms and kicking with his legs, but my arms are too strong and my fingers too fast.<br>"Stop it! I'm so going to make you regret you did this to me!" he says almost crying of joy.  
>"Come on Arthur! This is fun!" I affirm.<br>He's trying to say something but because of his laughing the only words which were pronounced clearly enough to understand are 'stop' and 'git'. When I think I teased Arthur enough for today I stop tickling him. Arthur needs some time to stop laughing and to take a few big breaths. With one hand he wipes away the tears in the corners of his eyes. After he calmed down he takes my hands in his. I can't help but notice his hands are a bit cold. The fire inside his eyes was almost extinguished, but now I can see how it's lighting up again.  
>"I think you hands are warm enough now," he says with a voice so low, so sexy, that the sound of it made a shiver go though my body.<br>He spreads his legs, giving me a good few of his full erection.  
>"Please… Take everything…"<p> 


	43. Chapter 42

**Chapter 42**

A little tear is running down his cheek. The tear is sparkling in the light of the moon, just like his deep blue eyes. Eyes so pure, so beautiful, that when I'm staring at them I feel like I'm staring at the never ending universe and that even though I'm so small and meaningless I'm part of the bigger all.  
>Alfred wipes the tear away before it drips down, making my hands feel empty which are now only holding one of his warm hands.<br>"I love you," Alfred whispers with so much love inside his voice that it makes my heart skip a beat.  
>Of course he's told me that he loves me already in many other ways before, but this is the first time he actually used those three words. I feel pure happiness unfold as a flower inside my heart, as if those three little words were the words I was waiting all my life and death for.<br>"I love you too, Alfred. I always have and I always will."  
>Alfred bends over me and gives me a little kiss on my lips. The touch was short and sweet, but just enough to tell he how much he loves me and how deep his love goes. I can feel it, not only inside my heart but in my whole body, that we are meant to be together. Together, forever. I know that forever is a long time, but I also know that our love is endless so there doesn't need to be an end to it all. Only imagining this makes my love for him even stronger. I can also feel how my magic is becoming more powerful within every passing second, but I won't need magic now. Not yet.<br>I take his hand I'm still holding and carefully take two of his fingers in my mouth. A light blush appears on Alfred cheeks and I giggle inside because of his innocence. I suck and lick his fingers, trying to get as much saliva on them as possible. When Alfred slowly takes his fingers out a thread of saliva sticks to his fore finger to my lower lip. The thread gets broken as Alfred comes at me for another kiss. Our lips are moving slowly and gently against each other as Alfred carefully pushes one finger inside me. I can't help it that at first I experience the feeling of him being inside me as unpleasant, but Alfred is being gentle and as soon as I get used to the feeling it actually makes me calm down and relax. As soon as Alfred noticed I'm ready for another one he pushes his second finger inside me. A low painful sounding moan comes over my lips. Alfred breaks our kiss and stares at me with worried eyes.  
>"Are you okay, Arthur?" Alfred asks concerned.<br>"Yes, please go on," I say while closing my eyes.  
>I can't bear seeing him concerned about me. There is no need to. I'm fine and I want this more than anything. No, it is the only thing I want.<br>Alfred starts moving his fingers. More moans pass my lips, making Alfred move even more gently. I know he's doing that because he doesn't want to hurt me, but really, I'm fine. Decelerated I open my eyes, looking right into his. For a moment I'm lost in the universe inside his eyes again, but his fingers quickly get me back to earth.  
>"I'm ready," I whisper.<br>"Are you sure? It's not completely wet inside yet," Alfred declares, still with worried eyes.  
>"As I said: I'm ready. I don't mind it rough."<br>A long pause falls. Alfred takes his fingers out, but he doesn't make his next move though. His eyes are staring at me desperately. The big frown on his face tells me he's struggling with himself. One side of him is ready to go and can't wait, the other side is considering if this is really such a good idea and if I'm really okay with it.  
>I have a quick look on Alfred's watch laying on the next stand. Only one hour left. The last hour seemed to pass so quickly. We have to hurry up, or else…<br>"Alfred, what would you says if I started using magic from now on?" I asks with my most innocent voice as possible.  
>"Magic?" he asks with an uncertain look in his eyes.<br>Whatever it was about magic which scared him first a bit, he seems to put it out of his head and has now a big smile on his face.  
>"Sure, I already feel glorious without magic, so I already wondered how I would feel with magic."<br>"We will see," I say happily that he accepted my offer.  
>I take a few deep breaths and make my mind empty. Almost naturally, the magical words come over my lips, not even making a mistake in the ones more difficult to pronounce. With my fore finger I draw the old mysterious characters which only a few know the exact meaning of. My finger leaves the glowing characters in the air, but they are only visible for a short amount of time. With wide open eyes Alfred looks at the ritual, making his eyes shine even more in the light of the characters. The ritual is almost done, I only need to do one more thing. After the last character vanished in the air, I give a little kiss to the finger I 'wrote' with. A little ball of light appears on my fingertip. Well, not exactly <em>on<em> my fingertip. The light is floating a little bit above it. Alfred is still staring at it with wide open eyes, but after some time he gets a little mocking smile on his face.  
>"You looked like you were going to do something super impressive, but this…" He shakes his head as if he's a teacher who's doesn't know what to do with his stupid but sweet student.<br>I know he's teasing me, but I don't mind 'playing' this little game with him.  
>"Yes, it's small but… you shouldn't compare his size to his power."<br>Gently I take his erection in my free hand, making sure Alfred can't escape from what he's about to feel.  
>"W-what are you doing?" Alfred asks a little nervous.<br>"Trust me," I whisper. "You will never forget this experience."  
>I let the little ball of light come closer to him. I smile by noticing Alfred is no longer thinking of it as just a little ball of light. I see his curiosity, he's dying to know what it will do, but at the same time the power makes him want to run away.<br>"Relax," I try to calm him down, but I seem to have made him even more nervous.  
>It's now almost touching his erection. I feel how pre-come is coming out of mine, but I try to ignore that fact and focus on what I'm doing. I can't help that a naughty smile appears on my face.<br>"A-Arthur?" a now completely nervous Alfred asks.  
>For the last time I say the words, making the little ball of light go with the flow of my breath and reach the end of my ritual.<br>"Trust me…"


	44. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43**

The feeling which goes through my body as the little magical ball touches me can't be described by words. The word which would comes closest is 'overpowering', but it's still so far away from a good explanation. I thought my love was strong, that the fire inside my heart was strong, but even if you would combine these two they are nothing compared to this. It's too much, only looking at Arthur now demands an endless need of self-control. His lips, so kissable. His erection, so suckable. His ass, so fuckable. It's not like these feelings are forced on me like when Ivan used magic on me. No, these are my own feelings, my own desires, but the magic has increased them to their limit. Not knowing how to handle the power I stare at Arthur's eyes, they always seem to have a grip on me, no matter what the situation is. Arthur knows exactly what is going on, to know that I only have to look at the look on his face. His hand lets go of my erection so he can wrap both arms around me and pull me closer. My self-control almost collapsed because of that, but my strong will to not give in so easily saved me. Arthur seems to be irritated that I'm still not giving in, but he tries to get the frown off his face and seduce me with sweet words.  
>"What is holding you back Alfred? Please, tell me," he tries to seduce me.<br>A bit overwhelmed by the question I have to blink a few times before I'm able to answer it.  
>"It's just that… I've never done this before…"<br>Arthur makes a sign as if he wants to make that weak excuse fade away.  
>"It's not really different from doing it with woman, you know. You just-"<br>"No, no!" I interrupted him. "I mean… I'm still a virgin."  
>With wide open eyes full of disbelief he stares at me. I feel how my face turns red because of his look so I turn my head away.<br>"Really?" he asks stunned.  
>"Yeah, really," I mumble all red.<br>He gets a smile on his face, but it's not his little naughty one from earlier. This is a warm one which makes my heart go even faster.  
>"Me too," he speaks softly.<br>Only these two little words were enough to break my self-control. It's like something snapped inside me, making me a hungry beast which won't rest until he's fully satisfied. I wrap my arms around him and push his glorious naked body as close to mine as possible. My nails sick deep down his skin. Mindless I bite Arthur in his shoulder. He screams out of pain, but his words and tears aren't enough to make me stop. I scratch his back, making the skin under my nails bleed and Arthur scream out louder. Several times I feel a shiver go through his body, making his body shake and his wings move as if he wants to escape by flying away. Not that he could. My teeth are deep into his skin, just enough to taste a bit of blood. Arthur's screaming, no, more the fact the I have control of him, makes a new kind of pleasure I'm not familiar with go through my body. While enjoying the new kind of pleasure I let my nails and teeth sink deeper into his skin. What I get back for that is Arthur screaming the lungs almost out of his body, which makes even more pleasure go through me. A dark voice in the back of my head laughs.  
><em>Yes, this is how it has to be. Arthur is mine and mine only. Yes, my Arthur, my prey.<em> Wait… my prey?  
>When the taste of his blood gets more clear I finally get a little more grip on myself. As soon as Arthur's screaming got through me and I realize what I'm doing, I quickly let him go. Arthur's face is contorted with pain. His watery eyes are staring at me. I can't really see how he feels by looking at them though. When I look at his shoulder I almost recoil from shock. I must have bitten him really hard because the wound is deep and it's bleeding badly. I don't have a good view of his back but I'm sure he's bleeding there too.<br>"I'm so sorry!" I utter shocked about what I've done.  
>I want to explain what has gotten into me, but I've no idea how I could.<br>"No, don't worry," Arthur tries to comfort me.  
>He whispers some words I don't understand, quickly draws some characters in the air and lays his hand on his shoulder.<br>"You don't have to apologies. You couldn't help it. I've probably made my spell too strong. And between you and me, your actions gave me a lot of adrenaline and I kind of liked the feeling of it." "B-but I've bitten you! How can you just talk about it if that's nothing? I've hurt you!" I almost shout.  
>"That's because it's really nothing," Arthur tries to defend himself. "Look."<br>Arthur takes his hand away. On the place I bit him there is nothing to see. The wound is completely healed and the blood is gone.  
>"How did you…" Before I can finish my sentence I correct myself. "Oh, right. Magic."<br>"Yes." Arthur comes closer with his face. "Magic."  
>It's like when Arthur said the word magic, the magic inside me started working again. Roughly I pull him into a kiss, forcing his mouth to open so our tongues can dance their dance. Both Arthur and I are moaning now and then, but none of us makes painful sounding ones. The pleasure is overwhelming, but it's not enough, far from enough. I break our kiss so I can sit in a position which will make <em>it<em> go easier. Gently I push Arthurs legs father apart. The magic is still awful strong but that doesn't mean I don't care how Arthur feels. I don't want him to be in a pain and I want to make him to feel what I'm feeling.  
>A breath a few times out to calm myself but mostly the magic inside me down. I think of everything Arthur and I went through. From the happiest to the saddest times, we've been through them all. There is still so much I don't know, there are still so many questions unanswered. But for now I leave everything to rest. Now it's time to take the big step. I quickly have a look at my watch. Only half an hour left before I'm turning 19. A little smile appears on my face. I look back at my Angel and know that all the waiting was worth it.<br>Gently I push my erection inside Arthur, making a sweet little moan pass his lips. To my surprise it goes easy and smoothly, but before I can asks myself why that would be I already found the answer.  
>"The pure magic of love."<p> 


	45. Chapter 44

**Chapter 44**

Deep blue sunken eyes are staring at me from the mirror. I have a good look at myself, questioning how I've let it go this far. My own reflection scares me, this isn't the man I remember. With one hand I touch my cheek. I can feel my cheekbone just below the pale skin. My cheekbones and jaw always have been clear aspects of my face but since my appetite has gone they have seem to take an even bigger part. My fingers leave my cheek and go though my hair instead. My hair also isn't what it used to be. My long, blond wavy hair no longer feels silky and it has lost its shine. But of all things my eyes changed the most. They used to have this little sparkle of curiosity and life in them, now they only seem dull and dead. Dark circles are lying under them, strengthening the dead look. With my fingertips I stroke my jawline. My stubble feels rough against my skin, the only thing which seems familiar now. I try my best to keep this feeling of recognition but I lose it on the moment my attention gets sucked by these sunken eyes.  
>I haven't been able to have a good sleep lately. I keep on having these terrible nightmares, though I never remember them when I wake up. Every time I try to remember what I've dreamt of, why I was so scared, what it was that made me scream myself awake, but no matter how hard I try, I won't remember anything.<br>I jump when suddenly my doorbell rings. I look at my watch lying on the edge of the sink. Half past eleven, who would like to see me at such an odd hour? I let my reflection for what it is and hurry to the front door. According to the person standing behind my door I'm not fast enough, so he or she rings again.  
>"I'm coming!" I say even though I know the person wouldn't been able to hear me.<br>I quickly open the door and stare in full disbelief at my unexpected guest. "Matthew..."  
>He doesn't make eye contact but I see his eyes blink by hearing his name.<br>"Hi Francis. Would you mind if I..." He stops staring at his feet and searches for my eyes instead. The look inside his is eyes is so sad, so painful, that I would do anything for him on this moment. "Come in?"  
>"Of course I don't mind! Please, come in," I say a bit confused that Matthew thought he wasn't welcome.<br>His eyes are quickly wondering off somewhere else as a little warm smile forms on his face.  
>"Thank you," he says with a soft broken voice.<br>I step aside so Matthew can pass by. He steps inside, walking straight past me to the living room. Worried about Matthew's condition I rapidly close the door and follow him to the living room. He is sitting on my couch, staring out of the window beside it. Light from outside is reflecting in his beautiful eyes. This moment would be perfect if the look inside his eyes wasn't so intensely sad. I sit down in the chair opposite from him, not looking away from him for a second.  
>"So, Matthew..." I try to start a conversation. "What brought you 'ere?"<br>Gradually his eyes look away from the window. Somewhere I wish he had kept on staring outside the window because looking at his hurt expression is almost unbearable.  
>"It's just that..." Silently tears start running down his cheek. "Alfred is gone..."<br>"Alfred is... gone?" I ask not knowing how else to react.  
>"Yes, I've looked everywhere for him but... but..." Matthew isn't able to finish the rest of his sentence.<br>He holds his hand against his mouth, trying to strangle his sobbing. His shoulders are shaking badly. More tears start running down his cheeks. The poor thing looks so broken that it's only natural for me to leave my seat and give him a warm embrace.  
>"It's okay, mon amour. I'm 'ere," I whisper trying to comfort him.<br>Matthew tries to say something back, but because of his sobbing he can't form the words. I wait for him to calm down, in the mean while I start rubbing his back and whisper more comforting words.  
>"Francis..." Matthew whispers after he calmed down a bit.<br>Carefully he gets out of my embrace. His now less sad looking eyes stare at mine. Gently I wipe away the tears in the corners of his eyes. A light blush appears on Matthew's cheeks when I've done that. A bit embarrassed he looks away from me, but I know I haven't done anything wrong by seeing the little smile on Matthew's face. Sadly his smile doesn't last for long. Without me asking Matthew begins to explain.  
>"Alfred hasn't been the same since our friend died. He often goes away without telling me where he's going and I know there is something he keeps away from me. A few days ago I found Alfred lying almost unconscious beside the grave of our friend. I took him home but before I did I said some really mean things. Repeating and repeating our friend is dead and that he won't come back. After that he stayed home, doing nothing else than sleeping and staring at the ceiling. Today was his birthday so I went out to buy the last things to celebrate, but when I came back… Alfred was gone."<br>I close my eyes, letting the words make sense to me, considering what is wise to say. I know how it feels to lose someone who's dear to you. I felt that same loss not so long ago. But hurting Matthew like this, I don't know if I can forgive Alfred for doing something like that. Matthew cares so much for Alfred, Alfred doesn't even have an idea how deep it goes. If he would he wouldn't do such things as these to Matthew. Slowly I open my eyes, knowing what to say.  
>"I'm sure he's fine Matthew," I say while stroking his face.<br>Matthew angrily pushes my hand away. "How can you say that?"  
>On the moment I want to explain myself suddenly something from the inside takes over me. Roughly I push Matthew down on the couch.<br>"Francis…" Matthew whispers confused.  
>I'm heavily breathing in and out. I can't let this thing take over me. Not again! With all my might I fight the thing inside me. This <em>thing<em>… it keeps coming back. I don't know when it started taking over me. The only thing I know is that when he does everything goes black and that after some time I wake up clueless about what happened.  
>"What's wrong Francis?" Matthew asks concerned.<br>I can't answer him. I must fight _it_, I must keep _it_ out, but I can feel how I'm slowly losing grip of reality.  
>Matthew's beautiful eyes are staring at me, confused, concerned, clueless… hurt. I want to hold him, I want to kiss him, I want to love him so badly, but all of these things are getting ripped apart by the thing taking over me. A soft cry passes my lips.<br>Matthew reaches with his hand to my face. Gently he strokes my cheek. "Please…"  
>My defence breaks and the thing takes over every single cell of my body. Without me wanting it a big creepy smile forms on my face. Shocked Matthew takes his hand back. With scared wide open eyes he stares at me.<br>"Who are you?" he asks with a trembling little voice.  
>"Now need to be afraid, Matthew," a deep dark voice speaks from inside me.<br>It all seems so clear now. That voice… is the voice from my nightmares. I can hear the voice speak one more time before everything goes black and I'm sucked into endless darkness.  
>"Everything is according to plan…"<p> 


	46. Chapter 45

**Chapter 45**

Warm sweat is running down my back under the warmth of our bodies smacking against each other. My Angel has his eyes closed, trying to enjoy this intense moment to the extreme. His pink lips, a bit swollen, form a small opening. Sweet little moans together with my name are the only things which pass his lips. His chest is going up and down in a regular rhythm. I see he tries to hold on at that rhythm, he doesn't want to make things rushed. He wants to enjoy this until the very last second. I'm going faster, turning up the heat. More moans pass Arthur's lips and I can't stop myself from doing the same thing. Suddenly I hit a spot. Arthur's beautiful eyes fly open as he gasps for air. I stop moving, giving Arthur and myself time to calm down from all the pleasure. After a while Arthur grabs the sheet of the bed before closing his eyes again.  
>"Please..." Arthur heaves. "Do that again."<br>I bend over him so my lips can leave a little kiss on his forehead.  
>"You don't have to ask. I want you to feel as good as I feel," I say truly meaning it.<br>I start moving again, but this time are my moves more directed and gentle. Now that I know where the spot is it doesn't take me long to find it again. I can feel a shiver go through Arthur's spine the moment I hit it. For a moment I'm worried I hurt him but I know I haven't when Arthur whispers my name with his Angelic voice.  
>"Alfred... Don't hesitate. Take everything and which is left after that," he whispers.<br>I look at my Angel. Really look at him. See him as he really is. And feel so happy by realizing he will be my Angel forever.  
>"I will, but only under one condition," I say with pure happiness inside my voice.<br>Gradually he opens his eyes again. I could not define the look in his eyes other than surprised.  
>"What is it?" he asks with a soft voice.<br>For the last time I penetrate myself in the depths of him, which gets followed by a sweet release and embracing the person I love most in this world. For a moment nothing happens. We both stay quiet, listening to each other's breathing. We enjoy the calm of the moment, having the warmth of our bodies to scare away the cold on this erotic night. Somewhere in the back of my head I realize I wasn't the only one who released. That thought makes a little warm smile appear on my face. Finally I give the answer Arthur has been waiting for.  
>"Only if you do the exact same thing with me," I speak softly.<br>Arthur lets go of the bed sheet. Gently he strokes my face. I close my eyes to feel his glorious touch even better. Carefully I lay my hand on his, holding his hand against my face, wanting to feel his sweet touch forever.  
>People say that when you realize you are going to die you will relive everything you went through, from the moment you were born to that last second before you die. Somehow I'm experiencing that right now, yet a bit different. This isn't my moment of death, but it is the beginning of a new chapter of my life. The chapter of my life which Arthur and I get together to be never separated again. Slowly I open my eyes and I can't help one little tear of happiness leaves the corner of my eye.<br>As I open my eyes I see that Arthur went through the same experience as me. One little tear drips down his face and is shining in the moonlight just before it's fall gets broken by the soft pillow Arthur's head is resting on.  
>"I'll do that..." Arthur whispers.<br>His hand which was resting on my face just now pulls my head closer to him. Without Arthur saying a word I know this must be the last step to becoming Soulmates. I can not only feel the magic in the air but in every single cell of my body. This is it.  
>The magic between us is so strong on the moment our lips lightly touch each other that we both back off for a moment. We stare at each other's eyes, trying to read the thoughts of the other, question ourselves if we should do it. Then we both come to a clear conclusion. One conclusion so strong that there doesn't even exist an argument for it.<br>"I love you," we whisper simultaneously.  
>Again our lips meet lightly but this time we softly pull each other into it. Gently our lips are moving back and forth. Sweet moans get swallowed by the endless dance of our tongues. The magic is so strong and by our kissing it's only becoming stronger. Arthur's hand is no longer resting on my face, neither is my hand holding it in place. His hand is lying on the bed. Slowly I fold my finger around his hand. For a moment nothing happens. Both Arthur and I stop moving our tongues and lips but we don't let go. Our lips are still touching each other, we are still connected. Then slowly Arthur folds his finger around my hand and our hands are linked. Suddenly a huge amount of magic goes through my body. The power is so overwhelming that I have to close my eyes. When the power ebbs away I open my eyes again. Surprised I look around me. I don't know where I am but I'm clearly no longer in Arthur's bedroom. I'm in a chamber full of white light. Well, chamber? I see no walls so I'm not sure if you could call it that. I see no ground either, but I don't have the feeling I'm falling just like when Ivan showed me his memories. Suddenly my eye catches the Angel standing in front of me and it's no longer important to know where I am. As long as Arthur's with me, everything will be fine. Wanting to be closer to Arthur I take a step forward but on the moment I do Arthur does exactly the same thing. Surprised I stare at Arthur, getting a surprised look from Arthur in return. Slowly I lift my right hand and again Arthur does exactly the same as me. Gently I lay my hand on the place of his heart. I feel the warmth of his hand on my chest as he does the same. I've touched Arthur may times and every time felt warm and great. But this time... I can't even begin to describe what I'm feeling. I keep staring into his eyes, looking for an answer. Then slowly the reality starts making sense to me.<br>I'm touching his soul.


	47. Chapter 46

**Chapter 46**

"That's right," Arthur whispers. "You're touching my soul and I am touching yours."  
>There are so many things I want to ask. Questions I had since the very beginning, when we first met each other, but also new questions which are popping inside my head this very moment. However, my lips just won't form the words.<br>"Don't worry," Arthur says with a voice so calm, so relaxing, that I forget all my questions at once. "You are here now, with me."  
>For a moment I wonder what 'here' is exactly, but that question vanishes when suddenly Arthur's hand leaves my chest and starts stroking my left cheek. Without even noticing it, my hand had started to do the same thing. When Arthur stops stroking his hand goes behind my head. He takes a little step closer before lightly pulling my face closer to his. Of course my actions were identical.<br>"Hold on a little longer Alfred," Arthur says as our lips are lightly brushing against each other. "We're almost there."  
>Arthur kisses me tenderly, making his lips move against mine with so much care and love, that I feel the magic inside me reach to its highest. I submit myself to this intense feeling of love and kiss him back. Not that I really have a choice, my lips are moving identically to Arthur's. I can feel how the magic in the air is getting stronger and stronger. I can feel it pressing on my chest, making it harder for me to breath. When Arthur and I let go the magic does something I far from excepted it to do. A high wave of magic gets pushed away from us. With high speed the wave moves away from us, making a chamber appear out of the white surrounding us as it passes. When the wave is gone we're no longer standing in the endless white, but what seems to be delivery room. I know that magic makes weird stuff happen, but never in my life I would have thought it would show me something as bizarre as this. I look at Arthur, but he doesn't seem to be surprised at all. My attention returns to the room when suddenly humans appear. Shocked I take a few steps back. Arthur quickly grabs my hand before I hit the lamp standing behind me.<br>"They can't see us. No need to worry," Arthur calms me down.  
>Now that I have overcome my shock, I have a look at the scene. A woman with middle length, light brown hair and deep brown eyes is lying on the bed. She is screaming out of pain while giving birth to her still unborn child. A friendly looking man with a bit bloody white gloves on, is encouraging her.<br>"Just one or two more pushes! I can already see the head."  
>Stunned I watch the scene. I never have seen a child-birth before. Suddenly I know why some men don't watch how their wife gives new life. It's just so painful to watch and there is nothing you can do to help. The only thing you can do is hope and wait. The woman screams one more time as her child finally comes out. Proud the male midwives holds the baby, almost as if he had done all the hard work. One of the nurses cuts the umbilical. Instantly the baby gaps for air, but doesn't start crying. I look at the baby and notice it is a boy, but before I had time to have a better look at the baby another nurse takes him out of the hands of the male midwives to wash him. After she's done washing she carefully dries the baby, folds the little white towel around him and comes back to let the mother finally have a better look at her new born child. When she hands the baby over to the mother I feel like I got struck by lightning. Light blond hair is lying flat against the little head of the baby. With wide open deep blue eyes the baby stares at his mother. There is only one thought which crosses my mind. That little baby is me. Quickly I have another look at the mother, <em>my<em> mother. I can't believe it. I have never seen my real mother, not even photos of her, and now I'm standing only three steps away, watching how she smiles at the little baby inside her hands.  
>I feel Arthur squeeze my hand. He must have felt I was getting emotional. I squeeze him back to let him know I'm fine, but I feel happy knowing Arthur is trying to comfort me.<br>Suddenly I realise that if my mother is here, my father is probably too. I look around the room but see no other men except from Arthur and the male midwives. Maybe he is waiting outside the room, but a strong sad feeling inside my tells me he is not.  
>Tears of happiness start rolling down of the face of my mother.<br>"My Alfred," she whispers against the baby.  
>The baby is still looking at his mother, a curious look inside his eyes. The mother holds her child against her chest while more tears start dripping down her face.<br>"My little beautiful Alfred."  
>She closes her eyes. She gets a warm smile on her face and the tears stop coming. At first the male midwives and the nurses are looking at the scene with a warm expression on the face, but after some time their expressions change into a scared one.<br>"Mrs. Jones," the doctor says.  
>My mother says nothing. She just keeps lying there with her eyes closed, peaceful. Suddenly the baby starts crying, but my mother doesn't even react to that.<br>"Mrs. Jones," the doctor repeats, now with a trembling voice.  
>Quickly one of the nurses grabs me out of the hands of my mother. Instead of opening her eyes and grabbing the baby back she lets her arms hang as if they are lifeless things. With wide open eyes the male midwives quickly lays his head on my mother her no longer moving chest. He tries to listen to her heart. After some time he slowly moves away from my mother. With horror he stares at her. All the nurses hold their breath, waiting for the male midwives to say something. The baby still hasn't stopped crying. The male midwives gives his answer just before turning his back to the scene.<br>"She's dead."


	48. Chapter 47

**Chapter 47**

"No!" I cry while running towards the bed.  
>When I reach with my hand for my mother suddenly everything turns dazzling white. I have to close my eyes to not get blinded, but when I open them again my mother and the rest of the scene is gone. I had never really thought about my biological mother. By hearing the word 'mother' I had always thought of my foster mother. Not that I have ever called her 'mother' though. She was almost never there to take care of Matthew and me. I always had the feeling Matthew and I had to grow up on our own. In the end my foster mother was only a little less of a stranger than my biological mother. My biological mother was a complete stranger to me, yet I have the feeling this was the second time I lost her.<br>Arthur's warm embrace is the only thing which keeps me from crying.  
>"Are you okay?" he asks concerned.<br>"I think so," I whisper with a voice so sad that Arthur starts holding me tighter. "Why did the magic show me this anyway?"  
>Arthur looks me in the eyes and by the sadness inside them I can tell he doesn't want to tell me.<br>"It's part of the ritual. We have to relieve the biggest changes of our lives," he explains.  
>"Are they all so..." I pause to find the right word. "Painful?"<br>"They don't have to be. But I think most of them are."  
>I swallow, thing to hold in the fair of relieving more painful parts of my life. Arthur lets me go and stares down, breaking our eye contact.<br>"It's my turn now," he whispers.  
>As soon as he had said those words a new wave of magic turns the white into something else. We are standing in little room. It seems to be a living room and bedroom combined as one and I assume one of the two doors leads to the bathroom. The room makes me think of the prison cell, but the magic inside me tells me it's not. It's one of the rooms of a hostel for addicts. Suddenly a woman with long style blond hair and blue eyes appears. She's sitting on the edge of the bed while looking out of her only window. This time I wasn't shocked by the sudden appearing but by the polite knock on one of the doors.<br>"Come in," the woman says without looking away from the window.  
>Another woman who clearly works here opens the door. She has a smile on her face, but something tells me it's fake and that's she's really nervous.<br>"You have a visitor," she says with an acted happy voice.  
>"Who is it?" she asks, still not looking away from the window.<br>"Mother," I hear a familiar voice say.  
>An Arthur without wings steps inside. Slowly the woman turns around to look at her son. The expression on her face is hard and cold.<br>"Leave," she says.  
>The other woman leaves immediately and closes the door behind her, yet I wasn't so sure if Arthur's mother was talking to her. I quickly have a look at my Angel to see if he noticed it too. The hurt expression on his face tells me he did and I take his hand in mine and squeeze it a bit. He gives me a little squeeze back, he's still okay.<br>"What do you want?" Arthur's mother asks.  
>The other Arthur walks towards her and stops in front of the bed. "To talk."<br>"That's odd. You never wanted to talk with me before," she says after a little mocking smile is formed by her lips.  
>"That's not true mother. I visit you every week," the other Arthur defends himself.<br>Arthur's mothers gives him a angry look before looking out of the window again. The other Arthur, not knowing what to do, sits down next to her and tries to start the conversation again. "It's something important."  
>"Whatever it is, it's not important enough to let you sit on my bed," she snarls.<br>As if the other Arthur got slapped into his face he directly stands up and creates some more distance between his mother and him.  
>"I'm going to America," Arthur says with a determined expression on his face.<br>For a moment an painful silence falls. Then suddenly Arthurs mother stands up, turns around and _really_ slaps Arthur in the face.  
>"How could you dare to leave your mother alone!" she screams hysterically.<br>"Mother, please listen. I-" before Arthur can finish his sentence he gets slapped in his face again.  
>"How could you! I did everything for you! Everything!"<br>No longer is Arthur's mother only slapping him, now she's also kicking him. Arthur doesn't stop her, he lets her hit him. I can only imagine how much it must hurt, physically and mentally, to get hit my your mother.  
>"Please calm down mother. You still need to recover from your alcohol addiction," he tries to calm her down.<br>"Enough!" she screams so loud that I feel the urge to cover my ears.  
>She takes the little vase with flowers from the table and throws it at Arthur. She misses Arthur's head with only a few inches. The little vase breaks as it hits the wall and leaves a wet stain on it. The other Arthur is in shock, just like my Angel and I are too.<br>"Leave me! Leave me like your father did! I don't give a fuck anymore! I don't want to see your face ever again!"  
>"But mother-" Arthur says with a trembling voice.<br>Arthur's mother lets herself fall to the ground. The room gets filled by the sound of her hysterical crying. Her long blond hair is hanging in front of her face, as if she is hiding from the rest of the world. The other Arthur kneels down next to her. Carefully he lays his hand on the back of his mother.  
>"I love you, mother," he whispers.<br>Suddenly his mother slaps him, but when she does her long nails scratch the skin of his face open. Shocked Arthur stands up and touches his cheek. When he takes his hand back his fingers are covered in blood. With wide open eyes he stares at the blood on his hand.  
>"Leave!" Arthur's mother cries with hate burning inside her eyes.<br>Shocked Arthur attempts to leave the room. When he opens the door he gives his mother one more look. She's sitting in the farthest corner of her little room, hiding her face between her legs. Her hysterical crying doesn't seem to stop. The other Arthur looks hurt but there is still some pity inside his eyes. Slowly he closes the door but he his one last thing to say to his broken mother.  
>"I'm sorry."<p> 


	49. Chapter 48

**Chapter 48**

The scene turns a dazzling white the moment the other Arthur closes the door soundlessly. Again I have to close my eyes, but this time I know what's going on. When I can open my eyes again I look at my Angel. His intense expression simply oozed sadness. I give him a little kiss on his forehead.  
>"Are you okay?" I ask concerned.<br>The sadness inside his eyes vanishes and takes place for happiness as he looks inside my eyes.  
>"Yes," he whispers before giving me a little kiss back. "I think somehow, we both lost our mother. It's not a happy thought but at least we can comfort each other."<br>He's right. My mother died only shortly after I was born but Arthur had to watch how his mother slowly lost her grip on life too. I can't tell which is the worst.  
>"Did you remember this?" I ask him.<br>"No. But I do remember the divorce of my parents," Arthur explains.  
>I see it hurts him to remember that so I don't ask further. I realize we're not done yet so I take a deep breath before saying the words which will make another important part of my life appear into this endless white. "It's my turn again."<br>As soon as I said those words an new magic wave changes the white into something else. The white changes into a living room. I instantly recognize it and I hold my breath. This is the living room of the house of my foster parents. Everything looks exactly like I remember it. The expensive furniture, the high windows, the shiny parquet, everything stayed the same. Suddenly the people I know since almost the beginning of my life are standing inside the room. I look at my foster parents. My foster mother has her long black hair in a high knot. The look inside her brown eyes behind her expensive glasses are the same as I remember. Cold and collected, it always gave me the feeling I was inferior. Next to her is standing my foster father. His short brown hair was always in mode, and so it is today too. His blue eyes always seemed to have a constant worried and tired expression in them, I've never seen his eyes 'smile'. I guess that's the price you have to pay for being a successful businessmen. Then my eyes fall on the two little blond children. One of them is holding the hand of my foster mother, the other is standing in front of the three other people.  
>"Alfred," my foster mother says to the little boy standing in front of her. "This is your new brother, Matthew. Be nice to each other and go play with all the toys we bought you."<br>She lets the hand of the little boy go and gives him a little push forwards me. After that she and her husband just leave the room, leaving the two little boys alone. With curious blue eyes the younger me looks at his new brother. The young Matthew has a little blush on his face, his violet eyes are stare at the floor, being too shy to make eye contact.  
>"Hello," Matthew whispers, still being too shy to look at my younger self.<br>Suddenly my younger self embraces Matthew. The blush on Matthew's face gets bigger but he doesn't push Alfred away. When Alfred lets Matthew go he has a big smile on his face.  
>"I'm so happy! Finally I have a brother," he says with so much warmth inside his voice I can feel a light blush appear on my cheeks.<br>Matthew is just standing there, not knowing what to say, but at least he's looking my other self in the eyes now. My younger self doesn't seem to care if Matthew says something back or not, the smile on his face is as big as before.  
>"Come! I want to show you all my toys. From now on they will be your toys too," he says happily. "I have Superman and Spiderman. I also have the Batmobile and a dinosaur called Rex. Together we'll save the world from all the bad guys."<br>For the first time Matthew overcomes his shyness and giggles. "Sounds fun."  
>Suddenly the scene turns white. Before Arthur has time to say it's his turn a wave of magic makes the new scene appear. We're standing in what seems to be a playgroup. There are little plastic toys, chairs and tables everywhere and the room looks like a big mess. Suddenly many little children appear. Some are playing with the toys, others are painting with finger paint or trying to draw between the lines. The happy sounds of laughing children fills the room. There is only one child who isn't playing. A really young Arthur is gazing out of the window, lost in thought, not bothering to go play with the other children. Suddenly a friendly looking woman, who I guess is in her twenties, walks towards Arthur. A little child with waving blond hair is holding her hand. His blue eyes are nervously looking around the room.<br>"Arthur," the woman, who I suppose is the teacher, says.  
>Arthur looks away from the window and stares up at the teacher. The look inside his eyes looks sharper then the looks of the other children, as if he's a lot more grown up. The teacher happily looks down at Arthur.<br>"This is Francis," she says while leading Francis forward. "Francis is new here. Francis came all the way from France. Could you please give Francis a warm welcome?"  
>I notice how she repeats Francis name over and over again. Probably in the hope Arthur and all the other children who heard her will learn his name faster.<br>"That's okay," Arthur says.  
>The teacher gives a small nod as if Arthur just gave the right answer a leaves him and Francis alone. Arthur looks at Francis. Arthur tries to hide his curiosity but yet I can see it somewhere deep inside his eyes.<br>"You're a beautiful girl," Arthur says after some time.  
>Francis clearly speaks no English because he keeps staring at Arthur with a confused look. I look at my Angel. I see he finds it somewhat funny his younger self confused Francis for a girl. For a moment nothing happens between the younger Arthur and Francis, but then suddenly Arthur takes the hand of Francis and leads him through the room. He introduces Francis to every kid in the room and every kid to Francis. The children have a look at Francis and then continue to do what they were doing before Arthur introduced Francis. When Arthur's done he walks, still holding Francis' hand, back to the teacher. She has a proud expression on her face.<br>"Well done Arthur. I see you introduced Francis to everyone."  
>Arthur gives a small nod, he still doesn't let go of Francis' hand. Suddenly Arthur's mother steps inside. I can feel how my Angel holds his breath beside me. Arthur's mother doesn't look as bad as when we were at the hostel for addicts, but the look inside her eyes is still cold.<br>"Mrs. Kirkland," the teacher says. "Nice to see you. Are you already taking Arthur home?"  
>Arthur's mother gives a cold look at the friendly teacher. "Yes. Family business."<br>Without saying anything else Arthur's mother walks passed the teacher towards Arthur. She looks down at the two little children holding hands.  
>"We have to go Arthur," she says.<br>Arthur doesn't move. I see how his little hand holds Francis' tighter.  
>"I don't want to go," he whispers.<br>Arthur's mother gets the same expression in her eyes as when she started hitting Arthur in the hostel for addicts but doesn't hit Arthur this time. She would be crazy if you would do that in front of a teacher.  
>"I said we have to go Arthur," she says with a strict undertone.<br>You can see Arthur still doesn't want to go, but he lets go of Francis' hand and walks with his mother outside the room. Just before Arthur's mother closes the door Francis speaks for the first time.  
>"Merci, Arthur."<p> 


	50. Chapter 49

**Chapter 49**

As excepted the white takes the scene away. This time the magic gives us some time to think about what we saw. I stare into my Angel's eyes. They always have a hold on me, not matter the situation.  
>"We're a lot alike," Arthur breaks the silence after a while.<br>"Yes, you're right. I'm wondering if that's the reason why the magic shows us all these scenes," I agree with Arthur.  
>"Could be a possibility," Arthur says while he takes both my hands in his. "We're getting closer to the end. I think there are only a few important parts of our lives left to go."<br>"Let's hope so. I'm getting a bit... sad of them."  
>"Our last ones weren't so bad," Arthur speaks the truth.<br>"Yes, but something gives me the feeling the next ones will be."  
>Arthur thinks about it and then suddenly he gets an intense scared look on his face.<br>"What if I have to relive my death again?" he asks with a trembling voice.  
>"Then we relive it together, remember? This time you won't have to face your murder alone."<br>Arthur look changes. He's no longer afraid, he has accepted it.  
>"Thank you Alfred," he whispers.<br>Arthur lets go of my hands so he can give me a soft little kiss on my lips. It's only a short touch but I can feel the magic inside me grow stronger.  
>"You're welcome," I say with the same sad expression as him on my face. "It's my turn."<br>The wave of magic makes the new scene appear. Again I recognize the place instantly. We're standing on the schoolyard of my High School. Arthur recognizes it too, he has worked in the school library for some years. As usual the people of the scene appear out of nowhere. This time there are only two. Again there is a younger me. From how I look I can conclude this scene has taken place in the last year of my High School. Arthur was working in the school library back then. In front of my other self is standing a girl I know much too well.  
>"Sarah," I whisper stunned.<br>Her beautiful long brown hair and her light blue eyes seem to be a copy of my memories of her. Nervously she's standing in front of my younger self, looking at my eyes hopefully. My younger self also seems to be nervous. His fingers are constantly playing with the paper he's holding with his hand.  
>"Sarah," suddenly my younger self says.<br>For a moment there is in intense eye contact between the two, then sudden my younger self breaks it. He looks down at the paper in his hand.  
>"Your letter was beautiful," Alfred whispers.<br>"Really?" Sarah asks happily.  
>"Yes. It's beautiful written. Yet…" Alfred looks up from the paper and stares into Sarah her eyes again. The look inside his eyes is sad but cold. "I can't accept your love."<br>Sarah's eyes widen. Hurt she looks at Alfred.  
>"But why? Is there someone else?" she asks with a trembling voice.<br>I know there is someone else, but I remember being too afraid to tell Sarah. Slowly my other self shakes his head.  
>"No. There isn't someone else. I just can't… return you feelings."<br>Sarah her underlip starts trembling. Silently tears start running down her cheeks. She keeps staring into my younger self's eyes, as if she can't believe it. The look inside Alfred's eyes doesn't change, they stay sad but cold. Suddenly she breaks the eye contact. She runs away without looking back.  
>"I hate you!" is the last thing she says before the scene vanishes into the white.<br>Before I have time to recover from reliving this painful part of my life the magic makes a new scene appear. To my surprise I also directly recognize this place. I gasp for air. We're standing in 'Librairie de l'amour'. Again only two people appear in the scene. An 'alive' Arthur is carefully placing new books into the bookcases. He has a warm smile on his face while doing the job, something I find a bit odd. I mean, how you possibly enjoy something as boring as placing books into genre and alphabetical order? Not that I really care. The other Arthur seems to enjoy it so I'm happy for him. Suddenly Francis wraps his arms around Arthur's waist from behind. Shocked Arthur drops the two books he didn't place right yet.  
>"Francis! You almost gave me a heart attack! Can't you see I'm still working?" the other Arthur says a bit angry while a light blush appears on his face.<br>"You worked enough for today," Francis tries to defend himself.  
>"Well I want to finish my job first! Let me go," Arthur hisses.<br>For a moment nothing happens but then slowly Francis lets Arthur go. Arthur takes the books from the ground, mumbles something and starts placing the books into the right place. When he's done Francis hugs him again, but this time from the front.  
>"What's wrong with you today Francis?" Arthur asks a bit irritated.<br>The other Arthur tries to get out of Francis' strong arms.  
>"What's wrong? Nothing is wrong. I want zis too, don't you Arthur?" Francis says with a low voice.<br>Shocked Arthur stops struggling. The look in his eyes turns ice cold, so cold that not even Francis' warm eyes can melt them.  
>"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" Arthur says with a bit of a scared tone.<br>"You love me, right Arthur?" Francis whispers.  
>"What? Stop talking nonsense!" Arthur says with a flushed face.<br>"No. You stop lying to yourself. Why else would you 'ave followed me all ze way to America?"  
>Arthur opens his mouth to start arguing but when he doesn't know what to say he slowly closes his mouth again. Arthur has to swallow a few times before he's able to say something back. "I don't know why."<br>"But I think I know," Francis whispers.  
>Francis slowly comes with his face closer to Arthur's. The other Arthur holds his breath. Just before their lips touch each other Arthur comes in action. In what seemed less than a second Arthur slaps Francis' face. Shocked Francis stares at Arthur. Now that Francis' grip on Arthur loosened Arthur finds his way out of his arms.<br>"I'm sorry Francis. I really… can't return your feelings."  
>The shocked expression inside Francis' eyes changes into an angry one. Suddenly he rushes off towards Arthur, grabs him by his collar and shakes him up. "Is zere someone else? Tell me Arthur!"<br>"No! There isn't someone else!" Arthur lies, but his shocked eyes betray him.  
>"Who is it Arthur?" Francis screams.<br>"There isn't-" Arthur can't finish his sentence because Francis pushes him against the wall.  
>Arthur hit the wall so hard that all the air gets beaten out of his lungs. With wide open eyes he gaps for air.<br>"Don't lie to me Arthur! Who is it?" Francis says with hate burning inside his eyes.  
>"Alfred," Arthur says with his last breath.<br>Francis' eyes widen. Back then Francis didn't know me, but Arthur admitting he really loves someone else breaks his heart. Francis lets Arthur go. Arthur lets himself fall to the ground and starts gasping for air. Without saying another word Francis leaves 'Librairie de l'amour'. Arthur tries to sit up. I can see it hurts him a lot to move. When Arthur sits straight he hides his face between his legs, just like his mother did. Soft sobs are heard in 'Librairie de l'amour'. My Angel searches for my hand and squeezes it softly.  
>"I know," I say while looking at the broken man sitting on the ground.<br>Then I look my Angel, who is just like me crying in silence.  
>"It hurts."<p> 


	51. Chapter 50

**Chapter 50**

The painful scene is slowly vanishing into the white. Bit by bit the sound of the other Arthur crying gets softer and softer, but my Angel's tears don't stop coming. I give him a warm embrace and whisper sweet words inside his ear.  
>"It's okay, love. We should let the past rest," I say softly while stroking his back gently.<br>He swallows his sobs and wipes the tears on his face away. Carefully, he frees himself from my grip and takes my hands in his. His beautiful green eyes are as breathtaking as always, even though there are still little sparkling tears in the corners of them.  
>"I can't, Alfred. I need to know everything. There are still so many holes of endless darkness in my memory. I want to remember everything, even the most painful memories."<br>I slowly get one of my hands out of his bit trembling ones and gently wipe a tear running down his cheek away. It hurts me to see Arthur struggling with his past but he's right. He should remember everything, or at least his last hours. Knowing that his murderer is still out there somewhere, free to do as he or she likes , makes a sort of anger I'm not familiar with poison my soul.  
>"I think I understand, but it still hurts me seeing you like this," my pained voice speaks.<br>Just as Arthur opens his mouth to speak the white world surrounding us trembles. An earthquake? Here? Impossible.  
>"What's going on?" I ask, shocked, to my Angel.<br>His eyes are shooting between mine and the trembling white, he looks as clueless as I am. Suddenly, the trembling stopped, but the horror isn't over yet. A darkness I know way too well is creeping closer to us on high speed, taking all the white away. The smell of blood and rotten bodies coming of the darkness makes me want to throw up. The air doesn't only get filled by the horrible smells but also the sounds of the voices of the dead. As before some voices are begging to not be killed, some others are screaming. The only new thing is that the rest of the voices are no longer only whispering my name, but also Arthur's. I don't know what's happening, but I have no doubt about the man who is making it happen.  
>"Ivan..." I whispered in terror.<br>The time I spend in Ivan's darkness is carved in my memory. I know that what happened there I will never forget, but I just hope for now these horrifying memories will only disturb my rest at night.  
>Arthur still seems clueless about what to do, but there is only one thing which is going through my mind. <em>Run<em>.  
>"Arthur!" I grab my Angel by his shoulders to keep his eyes from shooting to the near coming darkness. "We have to get out of here!"<br>"But we haven't completed the ritual yet," Arthur says with scared wide open eyes.  
>"Can't we skip it?" I ask keeping an eye on the closer coming darkness.<br>"Yes... but that will have consequences."  
>"What consequences?" Arthur doesn't seem to have a grip on the situation, I have no other choice than to keep him on his toes. "Tell me, Arthur! This is not the time to collapse!"<br>Arthur looks at me as if he just woke up from a dream, a nightmare perhaps. He still looks hurt and afraid but he is fighting those feeling back now.  
>"If we don't complete this ritual... strong dark magic will be able to break our bond as soulmates again."<br>It all seems so clear now. Ivan wants to stop us from becoming soulmates, or at least have the ability to break that bond. I don't care what Ivan's plans are. Arthur and I are becoming soulmates tonight, no matter what.  
>"How do we end the ritual?" I ask, but as soon as the words passed my lips the answer was as clear as the blue sky on a sunny cloudless day.<br>"I love you," is the only sentence which passes Arthur's and my lips simultaneously, before we give each other a kiss as never before.  
>It's not rough or really passionate, but it is by far the most sweet and perfect kiss I ever had. I feel like we are exchanging more then only saliva. That we are exchanging something so special, so beautiful, that it only can be our souls. Waves of magic are scaring the darkness away, while slowly our souls combine until it's hard to tell if there were two separated souls to begin with. I close my eyes to hold on just a little longer to his feeling of completeness as the white and the expelled darkness is falling apart. My eyes fly open when suddenly the magic tears the combined soul we shared apart and almost forces me back inside my body. When I again seem to have control over every single cell in my body, I open my 'real' eyes. I stare right into the eyes of my soulmate and keep staring while slowly reality is making sense to me. I notice how are lips are still lightly touching each other, sealed by our kiss. I also can't help but notice I'm still inside his glorious naked body, lying on his soft bed. But there is only one thing which really keeps my attention. At first I find no way to describe it. If someone would ask me what it feels like, there would be no word which would show how incredible it is. The only thing I think I could compare it with, is the feeling a pregnant woman has when she for the first time feels her unborn child kick.<br>There is this warm kind of light being inside me, breathing like me, having the same heartbeat as me, being a part of me, but yet being a different being. This being is in everywhere inside my body, but the place where it feels strongest is in my abdomen. I feel so overwhelmed by this feeling that for a moment all I can do listen how it 'speaks' to me, and get lost in its beautiful stories and sweet words. There is no doubt about it. This being inside me is Arthur. I have no idea if it's a replica or just a part of Arthur's soul, but everything tells me it's him and I feel almost as complete as before by knowing that. It is Arthur's voice which finally gets me back down to earth.  
>"The Angels who taught me what the duty of Angels is, never could explain to me what it's like to create the bond with your soulmate. Now I think I begin to understand why."<br>Astonished Arthur stares into my eyes, as if a beautiful treasure is lying inside them. A little smile appears on his face before he speaks again.  
>"I can't compare this feeling to anything I have experienced before... can you Alfred?"<br>I get the same smile as him on his face before answering that obvious question.  
>"No... But I think the feeling gets closest to being pregnant."<br>Arthur laughs, and I feel how not only I but also the being respond by letting my heart beat faster.  
>"You never have been pregnant nor you are a woman, so I don't see how you could know about that."<br>A little blush appears on my cheeks while trying to defend myself.  
>"It's just that... you know... I think being pregnant should feel wonderful just like this. Even though I'll never get the opportunity to experience it."<br>Arthur stops laughing and gives me that heart warming smile of his.  
>"I think pregnancy is one of the most beautiful and fascinating things of Mother Nature. But still I can't help but thinking..." Arthur pauses to lay a hand on my beating heart.<br>Even though we're no longer inside that mysterious white world, I lay my hand on his chest and feel that the beating of his heart is simultaneous to mine. I'm not even surprised about it. Since the very first day I had the feeling our hearts were beating simultaneously, and that they were only beating for each other. Without using any kind of magic I exactly know how Arthur is going to finish his sentence, so together we whisper the oh, so pretty truth.  
>"Our bond is stronger than the circle of life and death."<p> 


	52. Chapter 51

**Chapter 51**

My eyes fly open as I wake up from the endless darkness. I gasp for air as I suddenly experience the killing pain everywhere inside my body. I want to scream but I'm too scared to make even the smallest noise. Cold sweat is stinging my sore skin, but the cold of the sweat is nothing compared to the cold of the knife I'm holding in my right hand. Francis' lifeless body is lying heavily on mine, making it harder for me to breath. Shocked I push the body off me. When Francis is off me I quickly rise up from the black tiles of his kitchen floor. In horror I watch the man lying at my feet. His eyes are wide open, his pupils are small, but there seems to be no life inside his eyes. The tiles around him are covered in blood, but as far as I can see he doesn't have any cuts in his body.  
>"What happened?" I breath out softly.<br>I want to keep on staring at the body, trying to get answers, but my left arm is hurting so much that I can't ignore it anymore. The sound of the bloody knife I was holding hitting the black tiles leaves the kitchen afterwards in a killing silence. Terrified I stare at my left arm. Mysterious characters are cut deeply inside my pale looking skin. Blood is running all the way down my arm until it drips off my fingertips. My eyes shoot from my arm to the blood on the ground. This is my blood, so maybe...  
>Carefully I walk towards Francis and bend down my knees. With my right hand I check his pulse. It's only a dull heartbeat I can feel through his artery, but he's still alive. Not knowing if I have to be happy or sad about that, I slowly rise up again and turn away from him. Without hesitating I grab the knife from the ground.<br>"What happened..." I say while studying the cold metal inside my hand.  
>Apart from the blood, it doesn't look like a regular knife. The handle has mysterious characters carved in it. After a quick look at my arm, I see that the characters match. With my fingertips I follow the lines on the handles. By doing that I feel a shudder go through my spine, but I don't experience it unpleasantly. Contrary, it felt great. As if by touching the knife a strong dark power made his way through my body and became part of me. A grin crept on my face, and I felt like a whole other person. A better and stronger person.<br>"Well then," I paused to hear the knife whisper her name inside my ear. "Krasota. I think we are meant to be."  
>I look at Krasota as if I'm staring into the eyes of my lover, as if she is my precious. Lovingly I stroke the blade, but instead of giving it a kiss, I lick it to taste my own blood. A soft crazy laugh passes my lips.<br>After some time of admiring her, my eyes wonder back to the body lying on the ground.  
>"What do we have here?" a low dark voice from inside me speaks.<br>The grin on my face becomes bigger. Amused I come closer.  
>"Shall we make him our first victim, my love?" I say to Krasota, while giving the unconscious body a kick.<br>Francis doesn't react, he still seems as dead as before, but I know he's not dead… yet. For the second time I bend down next to him.  
>"Oh Francis," I whisper while stroking his face with my hand covered in blood. "Where did we go wrong?"<br>Francis doesn't answer, he doesn't even seem to notice my presence, but that little fact doesn't stop me from asking more questions.  
>"You seemed to love me so much, Francis. Was that only an act? Sometimes I wonder what your plans with me were. Such a pity…" With Krasota I make a small cut in his throat. It starts bleeding badly. "I'll never be able to find out."<br>Suddenly, his hand grabs mine and stops me from making the cut any deeper. His eyes stare right into mine, scared, shocked, but alive.  
>"What are you doing, Matthew?" he cries.<br>I want to tell him I'm ending our relation for good, but I just don't get the words past my lips. Francis didn't slap me or anything like that, but I have the feeling he did and I become the Matthew I was before. Shocked I quickly take Krasota out of his throat. I want to throw her away, but I just can't let go of her. Francis noticed my change in behaviour and lets go of my arm.  
>"I don't know," I whisper while a tear drips of my face.<br>Francis wants to embrace me to comfort me, but just as he is about to do that he notices my left arm.  
>"Oh mon Dieu, Matthew! What happened?" he asks, all shocked and confused.<br>I want to repeat myself, but before I get the change Francis touches my left arm. Again I feel _that_ shudder go through my spine. I want to stop myself from doing it, but it's already too late. In a blink of an eye I stab Francis in his stomach. His shocked blue eyes fly wide open, he spits out blood. A part of me is watching in terror, the other part is enjoying this to the very last second. I pull Krasota out and watch how more blood drips on once spotless black tiles, ready for another stab.  
>"Goodbye love!" the crazy voice inside me says before stabbing Francis a second time.<br>This time however, his strong hand grabs my arm to stop me from doing that. His grip on me is harder than the other time, much and much harder. He is almost breaking my bones. Surprised I look into his eyes, and see how they have changed into purple ones.  
>"Sorry Matthew," I hear a whole other voice than Francis' speak with Francis' lips. "I can't let you do that. I might need this body later."<br>Suddenly, I remember what happened before I got sucked in an endless deep sleep. Francis' eyes had became purple, just like now. After that the same voice at spoken to me, saying the craziest things. I don't remember it clearly though, but I do remember him saying something about needing me. After that he had kissed me roughly, not how I had excepted our first kiss to be at all. The only thing I remember after that is darkness.  
>My attention gets back to Francis when suddenly the wound I made starts healing in front of my eyes. One moment there was a big hole, the other moment there is not. He lets go of my arm, leaving a clear handprint of red skin, and grins. He takes my other arm, my left, inside his hand and kisses it. The deep cuts heal immediately, but if you have a good look, you can still see the lines of the characters, scars. Slowly the purple inside his eyes vanishes. He has only one more thing to say before the last bit of purple is gone.<br>"Until we meet again..."


End file.
